New Year's at The Holley House

Happy New Year from our Holley House!

For the last several years (since...2010, I think?) I have created a New Year's poster filled with goals and aspirations for the year. My roommate of the time was the one who started it, but it's been something I've really enjoyed, so I've created my own posters every year since. The poster-project has a couple of rules:

1. The goals must be achievable within the calendar year.
2. The goals must be measurable. (Nothing vague.)

Last year, James and I created a poster together, and I rather liked how it turned out, though several of our goals fell by the wayside (like every year). We put James's goals on one side, mine on the other, and "family" goals in the middle. You'll see that we also added one "Surprise!" that had been intended for the following year. Behold:

New Year's goals from 2013

James's Goals:
-Earn 2nd Dan (check)
-Receive sport poomsae certification
-Attend non-classical concert (check)

-Nail a 540 ° kick

-Compete at Nationals in sport poomsae (check)

-Get a 4.0 semester (check)

Valerie's Goals:

-Two Prelims (check and check)

-Referee at Nationals (check)

-Learn a Back Walkover

-Rock Concert (half check...does the Piano Guys count?)

-Write "The Seventh Guardian" (sigh...in progress)

-Learn Spanish

Family Goals:

-Get Married! (check)

-Get pregnant (check)

-Caribbean cruise (check)

-Buy a house (check...though not one of the original goals!)

-Go to Broadway (check)

-Compete on Demo Team at Nationals (check)

-Go on a date every week (complete with 52 tick marks...each one: check!)

-Attend the temple at least once a month (check x12)

We feel pretty good about our family goals! As for the individual goals, there are things that were out of our control (James's sport poomsae certification, for instance. We were planning to attend the sport poomsae training at Nationals...which ended up not being provided. Lame sauce.) Some things (like my back walkover) just got neglected. But overall, it was a busy and productive year for us.

As we approached making our poster for 2014, we wanted to select goals that meet the rules (achievablility and measurability), that seem realistic for us, but which will still challenge us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Presenting, the Holley family goals for 2014:

James's Goals:
-Graduate from BYU magna cum laude
-Read 10 new books (complete with 10 tick marks)
-Get down to 175lbs
-Learn how to do a popup
-Teach Baby J at least one ASL sign
-Get at least a 168 on the LSAT

Valerie's Goals
-Referee at Nationals
-B-2 certification
-Write "The Seventh Guardian"
-Return to pre-baby weight
-Compete at USG (Utah Summer Games)
-Learn to do a Back Walkover

Family Goals
-Have a baby (yes, we know it's inevitable at this point)
-Family Camping Trip (we define this as a trip including both Baby J and Shadow)
-Start preparing for Black Belt Testing
-Take Baby J to the Zoo
-Plant a fruit tree
-Go on a date every week (complete with 52 tick marks)
-Go to the temple at least once a month, with the additional goal of at least one of these trips being to the Brigham City Temple.


2014 is going to be a big year for us! Of course, the biggest event is the upcoming birth of our firstborn, for which we could not be more excited. We'll have to see how all our goals balance out with having a baby. Still, we feel that all of these goals are doable in the coming year. And we are excited by the challenge! Bring it on 2014!

"Obligatory Thanksgiving Gratitude Post" - or something like that

I can't help feeling a little stereotypical, a little cliche, while writing a gratitude post at Thanksgiving time. However, I would also feel rather sad and calloused if I did not jump on the Thanksgiving train and express the sincere gratitude that I feel--Thanksgiving time or not.

At this time, I am feeling particularly sensitive to the fragility of life. My cousin Matt Mechling died in a tragic car accident last week, and I attended his funeral Monday. On the one hand, it was nice to see so many members of my extended Mechling family. If only it hadn't been such a terrible reason to get together.

My cousin was 38 years old. He left behind a vibrant and beautiful wife, and their two teenage sons, the younger of whom has severe autism. All three of them spoke at the funeral (the younger son with his mother's assistance) along with a handful of others. The funeral was beautiful, in a way. It was truly a tribute to Matt's life. It is obvious that he was a truly remarkable husband, father, brother, and friend.

The funeral affected me in several ways. I would be lying if I said it hadn't struck a chord of fear within me. What would I do if I lost my James too early? Now, or ten years from now, still too soon to lose my best friend, my companion.

It also sharpened my sense of gratitude. I have so many blessings. So many things for which I feel immeasurably grateful. I suppose it is the excuse of Thanksgiving that I use at this time, but I would now like to take the opportunity to express just a few of the things for which I am feeling thankful at this time.

My husband

"How did I get so lucky?" is a pretty common expression in our house. And I feel it: I feel incredibly lucky. Before I got married, I had no idea just how wonderful marriage could be. James and I truly enjoy one another. We love spending time together: at the studio, at church, with friends, and at our home, cooking, reading, listening to or playing music, watching movies, playing with Shadow, just talking. Even when we are doing separate things, we most often will still be found in the same room.

I am grateful for his love, for his affection, and for his willingness to express both to me. I am grateful for his drive and his dedication, to his schoolwork and all that he sets his mind to. I am grateful for his spirituality, his willingness to share his testimony, and his determination to live the gospel. I am grateful for his work ethic. I am grateful for his compassion and his kindness. I am grateful for the respect that he shows me every day.

James is the very best part of my life. Words cannot fully express my gratitude for him!

Baby

I haven't even met Baby J yet, and I'm already grateful for him. His little kicks and nudges make me immeasurably happy. Motherhood is something that I have craved for many years, and I am so grateful to finally be in this stage of my life.


Parents

I am so grateful for my parents. They are such a blessing in my life. Both of my parents care very deeply about me, and they show it to me day after day. I am grateful to them for caring, for taking care of me (even now that I'm married and starting my own family) and for being such a phenomenal example of what love, fidelity, and dedication look like in marriage.

Shadow

My puppy makes me ridiculously happy. And he's such a good dog. We win.

Home

We love our house. I am so grateful that we had the opportunity to buy our home. It truly has become a haven. I'm especially grateful at the moment, as we have begun contemplating what we want to do with Baby J's nursery--and we can do whatever we want, because it's our house! I feel more at home in this place than I ever have in the many apartments I've rented over the years.


Music

Maybe I'm sensitive to this at the moment (currently listening to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Check it out) but I really find myself distraught at the thought of my life sans music. I love listening to music, and I love playing music. The piano is one of my greatest comforts and outlets. Also? James brought out his violin on Sunday and played it for me for the first time ever. Wow.


Taekwondo

I am so grateful to have the opportunity to teach at our Taekwondo school. I work with some pretty amazing kids, and I find immense satisfaction in seeing them learn and grow and become more confident. I am also grateful for the other opportunities that it has afforded me: becoming more athletic and confident myself, but also things like the referee experience I have gained and so thoroughly enjoyed. I can no longer imagine my life without Taekwondo in it, particularly because the martial arts are such an integral part of mine and James's life together, and what we intend for our family.

The Gospel

It is unfathomable to me to imagine my life without the light of Christ. Each and every day I am blessed. I am grateful to have insta-friends via our ward. I am grateful to have the scriptures. I am grateful to have knowledge of my Savior and His Atonement. I am grateful to have the Spirit to guide and direct me, and comfort me. And I am especially grateful for the temple, and all the blessings received there. Particularly in times of trouble, the temple brings me great comfort.

And so, so, so much more...

If I were to sit and truly "list" my blessings, it would be an endless task. There are multitudes of people, events, things, and realizations in my life for which I am grateful. I would rather not wax even more verbosely than I already have. Instead, please know that I am a very fortunate person, for whom the world holds much good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

General Conference moments

A friend of mine posted the other day that she loves October General Conference because it feels like the first holiday of the season, and I couldn't agree more. Part of it is the break from routine (including the regular church routine), part of it is eating yummy food (though I kind of slacked on that part this time around), and part of it is the family time.

Conference this weekend was pretty mellow for James and I. We watched the four main sessions at home. I think James would have watched the priesthood session at home too, now that it's an option, except that his family invited us over for priesthood session/girls night, and we obliged.

But you know, there was something kind of special about watching conference this way, this time. In the past, I have often watched with friends and family, at various locations. But this time, I really treasured watching conference in my home, with my family--all four of us, as we like to say. :)

I found several talks of great meaning to me. I would like to highlight a few.

First, President Uchtdorf's talk yesterday. I have had several friend in recent years decide to leave the Church, for various reasons. On the one hand, it breaks my heart that they make this choice. But on the other hand, I have hated watch them bear judgment and be ostracized because of that choice. So when President Uchtdorf cautioned us that the reasons for leaving the church are many and complex, and that we should not pass judgment, a part of me rejoiced. But then I felt even more strongly when he cautioned all of us concerning our own questions and doubts.

This graphic popped up on Facebook practically before the session was over. I'm not normally one for reposting stuff like this, but I loved the quote so much, I couldn't help myself.

This morning, I really enjoyed President Eyring's talk. To be honest with you, I'm not even sure what he was actually talking about, but I had a really profound moment in the midst of him speaking. He was talking about his parents' marriage at the time, when suddenly, in the moment of clarity, I felt so strongly the truth of eternal marriage. I looked over at James, and I knew that we are going to be together forever. I know that's like, "duh, Valerie, you knew that already" and you're right, I did. It's hard to express realizations like this, so I'll just reiterate that in that moment, it was exceptionally profound.

And of course, I always enjoy listening to President Monson. James and I wept while listening to him talk about his departed wife, and his testimony that they would be together again. What I have always enjoyed most about President Monson is his love for the members and his sense of humor. I cannot get over hearing about people who call him 'Tommy Monson.' I swear it makes me smile every time, because I just can't imagine referring to the Prophet that way. But that is why I love him, this dear Prophet of ours who can make me cry and smile and laugh and make my heart burn with the Spirit all in the same 10 minutes.

It's also poignant to realize that at the next General Conference, we will be preparing for (or maybe already have) a new baby. The talks about family all seemed to be just for me this time around!

Love & Family photos

We received these picture frames as wedding gifts--funny enough, from two separate people. We had already decorated our apartment at the time we received them, but I liked them, so I hung onto them in the hopes that I would be able to use them at some point in the future.

Of course, moving into our house meant that we had a lot more wall space. (A LOT more wall space.) After sorting out where all our current wall hangings would be placed, I determined that I wanted to use these frames at last, and place them on the walls of our office. I actually hung them last week, in time for a housewarming party (and our video tour) even though the frames were still empty. Or rather, the frames were still full of generic shots of strangers.

I spent an afternoon earlier this week carefully selecting the photos I wanted to go in each frame. I followed the "Love" and "Family" themes, and filled one frame with pictures of our families, and the other frame with pictures of us. (I'm just vain, I guess. And really in love with my husband.) The photos came today, and I am completely in love with the results! This is our "Family" frame:

Top (L to R): my brother Kyle and his wife Kristi, my parents Don & Kathryn, my Grandma Mechling, James' parents Gene & Charmaine, James' brother Patrick and his wife Shaylee.
Bottom (L to R): my family (James & I, my parents, Kyle & Kristi), James & his best friend Damian, us, and then the entire Holley clan (Timothy, Daniel, Shaylee, Valerie, Charmaine, Gene, Brendan, Victoria, Matthew, Thomas, Nicholas, Tristan, Sean, Patrick, James, Caidin, Tyler).

I am just in love with this collection of photos. It displays the people who are most precious to me and to my husband. Family is so incredibly important to us both, and I love having their pictures hanging on my wall. Then I guess I'll show you the "Love" frame, even though it's entirely pictures of us:

Top (L to R): Our NYC trip in April, riding the Screamer at Lagoon in May, from my sister's wedding in October, James' 2nd degree Black Belt test in January, one of my favorite engagement photos.
Bottom (L to R): random photo I love from a lunch at Applebee's one Saturday afternoon, Halloween at a masquerade ball, our mutual favorite wedding-day photo, and my favorite photo of us from Mechling family photos in May.

I wanted pictures that represented the span of our relationship, and the variety of things we've done together. Travel, Taekwondo, our wedding, and just time spent enjoying one another's company. Photographs are very important to me, and a very tangible way that I keep memories. So, this frame may be a little egocentric, but it also makes me very, very happy every time I look up at it. :)

The Utah Summer Games

This past weekend, James and I competed at the Utah Summer Games, in Cedar City. As a side note, one could potentially argue that mine and James' romance began at the Summer Games a year ago. With and without that, it remains one of my top favorite tournaments, a highlight of my summer each year.

We drove down to Cedar City early on Friday morning, joined in our car by the fabulous Ruth Bartholomew, who regaled us with tales of hilarity and woe (but even those were hilarious--that's Ruth!) Our group was a little more scattered this year than it usually is--normally the whole team goes down early on Friday to go hiking before the evening events. But only a few of us went down early this year, so we nixed the hike in favor of extra swimming and play. At 5pm, we went over to the tournament venue to get set up, attend the referee seminar for black belts, and practice with the demonstration team. Then, we all went out to dinner, went swimming at the hotel, and played a few rounds of Werewolf before heading to bed. Well, some of us went to bed. I'm told the young girls on our team stayed up half the night giggling.

Saturday morning we had a walk-through of our demo at 8am, followed by a meeting at 8:30am for all the black belts in attendance. The tournament started at 9am, with the bow-in, national anthem, and announcements. The Demonstration Team competition was the first event, so we got booted out into the hall--Miss Whitnee, our coach, does not allow us to watch other teams perform, firm in her belief that we'll wig ourselves out. So we stayed out in the hall, warming up, meditating, and working away nerves.

Our performance was good, though there were several issues, the most significant being the failure of the sound system--our music cut out a couple of times, sometimes continuing to play, sometimes stopping, both of which threw us off. Lame sauce. Nonetheless, we were proud of our performance, which you can watch here:



The teams were called up for the presentations of medals, and we were in some suspense, particularly because we hadn't been allowed to watch the other teams, and so we had no way to know how we compared. The third place team was announced, and we waited with baited breath until second was announced, and we knew we had won. Hip hip hooray!
After Demonstration Teams came the Poomsae (forms) competition. They started with black belts, and mine was the very first division. I was in a group of five, one of whom was my teammate and student Kristen. I performed Shipjin, and though it was not my best, it was still strong, and I was delighted to receive the gold medal for my division.

James' division was up shortly thereafter, and he too was in a group of five. He performed Keumgang, and did an excellent job. As it turned out, he tied for 2nd, and so he got to perform again, side-by-side with the guy he tied with. He did a great job, and received the unanimous vote from all five judges. James definitely earned his silver medal!!

After Poomsae, I became a referee for the rest of the day. James spent most of the afternoon corner judging; he also got to be a center referee for the first time. (He says he was petrified; I watched most of the match, and he did just fine.) James also competed in weapons, but started his performance with his routine from the demo team, rather than his solo form, and it really messed him up. He was not surprised, but also not upset, when he did not place, and is determined to win in his division at Nationals in two weeks.

We had a great time at the Utah Summer Games. James and I both love to compete, and we especially love being on the demo team together. One of the best parts of our relationship is our mutual love for Taekwondo; it means we always have a lot to talk about and we get to spend a lot of time together that we wouldn't otherwise have. Life is great!

Family = Amazing

Today I am grateful for family.

When I really stop and consider my family, I start to feel a little overwhelmed. My family (immediate, in-law, extended) is amazing. They do so much for me, sometimes intentionally, sometimes just by being the people they are. There are so many aspects to my family, my relationships with them, and why they are so awesome.

My family is with me in times of celebration. On Sunday, the Holley clan gathered to celebrate the birthday of our nephew Brendan, who just turned 3. After dinner, cake, and presents, a few of us stuck around to play games, and we had a blast.

Tomorrow night, James and I are joining my parents for my father's commencement: at the age of 57, he's graduating with his bachelor's degree. I couldn't be more proud of him, and I can't wait to celebrate his achievements with him.

My family sticks together in times of trial. Whenever I go through a challenge, I know that I can count on my family for their love and support. I do my best to be that same balm to them. Regardless, I know that they truly care about me, and I most certainly care about them, each and every one of them.

My family share in adventure, aka LIFE. Right now, my brother- and sister-in-law are apartment-hunting, and I love hearing about their findings, and sharing my thoughts. My sister Samantha recently had a baby, and I love-love-love seeing pictures (I only wish I got to see them more in person!) I loved taking family photos with the Mechlings, and visiting with my brother the next day. I love teasing my brothers-in-law, and so enjoy their company.

My family shares times of joy. This evening, James and I attended the temple with Patrick & Shaylee. We stood in proxy for Holley relatives as they were sealed. The names were provided for us by my dear mother-in-law, and I was so grateful. Up until the last few months, I had never done family names before. It has really impacted my temple experience, particularly tonight.

My family is eternal. This principle is a major part of my testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the reason my experience at the temple this evening was so very profound. I get to be with these people forever. It changes the way I perceive them. It makes me invest more in my relationships with them. As I performed sealing ordinances in behalf of my relatives (in law), I felt such an incredible joy--because they were my family, the ancestors of my children. I am connected to them, as my posterity will be connected to me. I get to be with my husband forever, along with these wonderful people we have the joyous opportunity to know and love during our time on this earth.

I love my family. I am grateful for them. I am blessed by them. I hope to be as good to them as they are to me.

New Look for a New Season

As you'll notice, Our Holley House has a new look! I've been thinking about giving the blog a makeover for a few days, and the time has come. Goodbye, wedding cake background! Hello summer!

The change coincides not only with the warmer weather outside (thank goodness our landlord finally got our swamp cooler working!) but also with a shifting season within our house. Of course, James and I have decided that in some respects, we'll probably behave like newlyweds even when we're 80. But in reality, newlywed phase is slowly giving way to something more like married life.

Don't get me wrong, I still have ridiculously giddy moments with James. I still have times where it all feels totally surreal, and I cannot believe that I am married. And I remain absurdly, completely, overwhelmingly in love with my sweet husband.

But I don't have to hang on to the title of "newlywed" to be unreservedly in love. I am a wife. I am a partner. I am a lover. I am a companion. Soon I will also become a mother to his children. None of these will fade. Each of them, I am certain, will only become greater and better as time passes.

So, welcome summer. Welcome life. I am excited to enjoy each moment you have to offer us.

Four Months!

Holy cow, we've been married four months today. 120 days! It's almost hard to believe. I just have to say, time is flowing waaaaaaaaaaay more quickly now than it ever did while we were engaged!!!

Some fun things that have happened recently:

-James had his first ever 4.0 semester! My genius husband!
-He ALSO got full-tuition scholarships for spring, fall and winter semesters. SO nice!
-We both competed at the Utah State Championships--our demonstration team took first place (woot!), James took first in weapons and poomsae, I took third in poomsae, and we took silver in PAIRS poomsae, the first time we've competed together as a team, which we had a blast with.
-We spent a weekend in Arches National Park, which was great! (Though very windy)
-We both judged at a tournament that our studio hosted, which went very well.
-My publisher has finally scheduled my second book for release! Tentatively it's set to come out June 29th. Soooooo exciting!

Married life is great. We really enjoy one another, spending time together--whether it's off having grand adventures in Arches or New York City, or whether it's chilling at home reading. We have our challenges and our struggles, but we handle them together. We are, quite literally, a team. And it's the best!

Two Months

In advance of our two-month anniversary tomorrow (we'll be in Colorado), I would like to commemorate the amazingincrediblewonderfulness that is the marriage of James & Valerie Holley.

Here are some of the things that make our marriage great:
-Weekly date nights. Some recent ones include B&N, sushi, seeing Warm Bodies, laser tag at Trafalga, and more.
-Spending other quality time together. We are currently experiencing a Rock Band fixation.
-Continuing to get to know each other better every day.
-Going to church together. (I love having my jacket; it makes church much more better.)
-James does the dishes.
-Performing together.
-Going to the temple together. We went and did sealings this month, which was incredible.
-Teaching together. (James is my assistant instructor twice a week. I also teach Sport Poomsae, which James attends, and he teaches Advanced Weapons, which I attend.)
-Surprises. (For example, James randomly brought home roses yesterday, just to make me happy.)
-Other stuff.

Everything is not perfect. We have days when we are tired, or grumpy, or not feeling well. We sometimes say things to each other that hurt, or that are misunderstood. We still have plenty of things to figure out. To pretend otherwise would be just that--pretending.

But we are happy. We make a point every day (okay, like 27 times a day) to tell each other that we love one another. We plan time together. We talk. We try to be open and communicative. We make a sincere effort to bring the other person happiness. And it's working.

Bring on eternity, baby.

Quit your naysaying!

I can't tell you how many times lately that, upon expressing joy and happiness with regards to my marriage, I get told something like, "Oh, just wait." For instance, upon telling someone that James does all the dishes at our house, I received this response: "You're still in newlywed phase, that will change."

My question is, does newlywed phase have to end?

I understand that parts of this bliss may change, may fade or die down somewhat. Especially when the children come, life and relationships do change. I get it.

But I like feeling dewy-eyed. I like experiencing all my husband's quirks. I like spending this much time with him. I like marriage.

Furthermore, I don't see why things like James doing the dishes should have to change. We have a great deal worked out. He does the dishes, and I keep the rest of the house clean. I hate hate hate doing dishes. The fact that James does them makes me very happy. He knows it makes me happy, and has told me, on multiple occasions, that he's content with our arrangement. Is it some fact of life that men become less considerate, less helpful, less loving, six or so months after getting married? Or is it simply that these particular men were less considerate to begin with, and put on a show during a period in which they felt they had to be most impressive, and upon feeling secure in their marriage, revert to their old ways? Well, if that's the case, I'm feeling pretty safe with regards to my dishes getting done, and I'd appreciate it if everybody would quit raining on my parade.

I could go on, but I think I'll cut things short before I get entirely out of hand. Basically, my thought is this: Marriage is not perfect. But it can be pretty darn great, if both partners are willing to work at it, and keep the other person's happiness before their own. That's been working pretty well for us so far, and I see no reason to put an expiration date on this state of bliss. Thank you very much.