Kieran's Home Birth

My estimated due date was December 2nd. I fully expected Kieran to come late, and did everything I could to prepare myself emotionally for that eventuality. After all, Joel was 7 days late and Xander was 12 days late. I knew it was practically inevitable. But despite all my mental prep, it was still really rough, especially the last five days or so.

On Thursday morning (41 weeks + 4 days), my midwife Karla had me come for a non-stress test. At this stage of lateness, they start to get concerned about the placenta shutting down. The NST was okay, but not great. Kieran's heart didn't have any decelerations, which was good, but he didn't have great accelerations in response to stimuli, which is less good. At that point, Karla gave me a concoction of castor oil, juice, almond butter, and lemon verbena.

I had taken castor oil with Joel, and I had been pretty reluctant to try it again. Online forums are rife with warnings about the risks. But there comes a desperation, and with my midwife's encouragement, I went ahead and gave it a try.

About three hours later, I began having contractions. They were not super intense, but they quickly grew regular and stayed that way through the afternoon. I began to be hopeful! We had dinner, went to the store, inflated the birth tub, and around 8pm took the boys over to my parents for the night.

However, my contractions were not progressing. Karla checked me that evening, and I was only dilated to 3cm. It was devastating to have made so little progress after contracting all day. The problem was that Kieran was still posterior and his head wasn't engaged in my cervix. Karla gave me some exercises to do that would encourage him to turn around. I worked at them through the evening and into the small hours of the morning, and my contractions did grow more intense...until I fell asleep. When I woke up early the next morning, labor had stopped entirely. It was sooooo discouraging!

So now Friday the 14th had arrived (41+5), and I felt like we were back at square one. James and I went to Karla's house at 10am. She checked me again, and to our surprise and relief she announced that I was dilated to 7cm and 70% effaced! But Kieran's head still wasn't engaged. Karla gave me another dose of the castor oil concoction and sent me home to work on moving this baby around.

At about 11am, contractions started up again, as intense as they'd left off the night before. I moved between exercises, working to get Kieran to turn around. My mom brought the kids home for a bit, so we hung out before putting Xander down for a nap, then put a show on for Joel. The intensity of my contractions increased, but the interval stayed irregular, between 6-9 minutes apart.

Just before 2pm, Karla texted to see how things were going. When I told her what was happening, she asked if I was ready for her to come over. I told her I wanted to wait until my contractions were closer together. She warned me not to wait too long.

Then all the sudden, my contractions jumped to 3 minutes apart. After a few of these in a row, I decided that maybe things were moving faster than I'd thought. I texted Karla at 2:20pm and told her yes, I did want her to come over. She headed our way. I called my mom and asked her to come pick up the boys. So in the midst of stronger and stronger contractions, James and I packed up the boys and their overnight things. My mom and Karla arrived within minutes of each other. We said goodbye to the children, and my mom left with them around 2:45pm. It was a bit chaotic there for a bit!

Once they were gone, Karla checked me. I was dilated to 9cm and pretty close to complete. Ahh! So I called the photographer. I think I gave her a mini heart attack when I told her I was already at 9cm. Fortunately she made it over in time! (Unlike Karla's assistant, who arrived about 5 minutes after Kieran did.)

I labored for a little while longer before I got in the birth pool.We had the tub set up next to our Christmas tree. With the lights down low and "Ever After" playing quietly in the background, it felt like it was going to be peaceful and amazing.

But I only got to labor in the tub for about 20 minutes. Karla was monitoring Kieran's heart during contractions, and she grew concerned about the drop in his heart rate. Ultimately she asked me to get out of the tub so that she could control things better. Getting out of the tub was not very fun. We moved me to the floor; I ended up in this weird half-squat position. After another contraction, Karla told me that we needed to get the baby out, now.

There's nothing like the urgency of a midwife in a moment like that. On my next contraction, she told me to push and to keep pushing. In the background, I could hear Karla asking James to call 911, in case we needed help getting the baby to breathe. Now feeling frightened for Kieran, I kept pushing, certain that I was tearing as I did so.

On my third big push, his head was delivered. His body followed easily, and then to all our relief, he let out an enormous cry! James was able to hang up with 911 as we welcomed little Kieran into the world at 3:55pm.

I remember feeling immediately euphoric after the birth of my other children. Unfortunately it took a few minutes to get to that point this time--I'm pretty sure that Kieran bruised my tailbone with his little posterior self. It made it really hard to get into a comfortable position so that I could hold him. Ultimately James and Karla cobbled together some cushions for me to recline on there on the floor so that I could finally hold my baby. (Part of the adventure of birthing at home!) What a joy he was to hold at last!!

Not too long after birth, I called my parents and had them bring the boys over to meet their new little brother. They were all pretty delighted.

After my parents took the boys back to their house for the night, there was much settling in. Karla got Kieran's measurements: 8lbs 2oz, 20 inches long, and 14.5 head circumference. (And no tearing for me, huzzah!)

Karla finished examining Kieran and filling out paperwork. She and her assistant got all the birth supplies cleaned up, got me cleaned up, made sure Kieran was nursing well, started the laundry, then departed, leaving James and I at home with our snuggly little boy.

All in all it was a wonderful birth experience. Giving birth at home is awesome. It's empowering, it's peaceful, and it's sooooo nice to be able to sleep in my own bed afterward. James is the best partner; he was there every step of the way encouraging, comforting, and supporting me. This was our third delivery together, and he knew just what to do - applying pressure to my back, setting up things I would need, and caring for me and the baby afterward. I am more in love with James than ever, and we are both so in love with our sweet Kieran.

2018 New Years goals

Hello, dear abandoned blog. I hadn't realized until I pulled up the blog just now that I haven't posted since June. Ooops! But, it's time for our annual New Year's post, so here we are.

Every year we create a poster with our goals for the year. This is one of my favorite traditions. The rules for our poster are A) the goals must be achievable in one year, and B) they must be quantifiable, as in, they have to be things we can measure and check off. Let's review our goals from 2017:

I will take a photo of our checked-off poster when I get back from Utah.

James:
He has not yet obtained a job for after graduation, but is in process. He has been applying, has had some interviews, and will be having more. We're still waiting to hear back from some of his first interviews. It's an involved process! James did not meet his weight loss goal. He did, however, complete Camp NaNoWriMo (twice)--he wrote 22,000 words of a story that he plans to complete after graduation. =P He has nearly finished his book-reading goal, and gave himself a grace period to complete his last book (he has a long flight this coming week with no kids!) He did not create something to donate. He has been very diligent about his daily scripture study.

Kids:
Joel potty trained this year! Yay! We tried early in the year, and it was a struggle, so we put it on hold until this summer. The timing was right at the end of June, and he did it! He night trained at the same time, which was extra awesome. He has not learned to read yet, but is in progress, and we are renewing that goal for this year, and doing the same for Xander's ABCs. Given that Xander is still learning to talk, that one turned out to be a bit ambitious for this past year.

Valerie:
I did indeed complete the first draft of "The Seventh Guardian" over the summer, which was a gigantic triumph. I did not meet my weight loss goal. I have also not completed the 100 Challenge yet, but I gave myself until Black Belt Testing in two weeks, and I'm on track to complete it. I did read the New Testament this year, and I won National Novel Writing Month in November. I completed a 52-week photography challenge, and I did read 6 new books this year. Yay.

Family:
We did not create a budget this year. =P We did go on a camping trip, to Falls Lake in September. James and I attended the temple 5 times this year. We did not walk Shadow twice a week, though we definitely have been walking him more than we had in the past. (We're terrible fur-parents.) We did go on a date every week this year. We did not practice taekwondo 2 hours every week, but we came pretty close.

Presenting our goals for 2018!

When we get back from Utah, we'll make an actual poster and update this. =)

James:
-Meet daily Duolingo goal
-Read 10 minutes daily
-Get a post-grad job
-Practice the piano 1 hour a week
-Secret goal that I (Valerie) am not allowed to know about yet

Valerie:
-Write the first draft of Allspeaker
-2018 Photography Challenge
-Finish Duolingo Spanish course
-New 100 Poomsae Challenge
-Weekly bike ride

Joel:
-Learn to read
-Learn to roundhouse kick

Xander
-Learn the ABCs
-Play a (very short) song on the piano

Family
-Move to: ?
-Find a new martial arts school
-Camping trips x2
-Attend the temple x3
-Read the Book of Mormon (nightly companionship study)
-Walk Shadow at least once a week
-Go on a date each week


We definitely have some repeats. Some, like walking our dog and going on dates, are important for us to maintain, and having them on our poster helps keep them a priority. We've dropped the number of temple attendances this year since we have no idea, as of right now, where we'll be living during the second half of the year and what our proximity will be to a temple.

Despite the uncertainty that our future holds right now, we are excited for whatever 2018 will bring! We hope that you also have a wonderful new year. =)

Spring Break

Last week, James was out of school for spring break, so we ran away to Tennessee! It was a wonderful excursion.

My in-laws moved to Tullahoma last summer, and we just love their house. They have 21 acres in the middle of rolling hills and fields. I took some photos of the property last August when we visited for the first time.

Unfortunately, the weather did not favor us. The temperatures have been in the 60s and 70s for weeks, but for our spring break, they were mostly in the 30s and 40s, and it rained the first two days we were there. Boo! It denied us a few of the outings that Momo and Papa had planned. But we still made the most of our trip!

Monday and Tuesday we did a lot of relaxing. (It was raining, so not much opportunity to go outside.) The boys watched movies with Momo and Papa. James did schoolwork, and I worked on my novel. We got to hang out with James's brother Nicholas and his wife Jo. Joel and Xander spent lots of time playing with Papa. =)

On Tuesday evening, James and I got to go on a date! (Without the kids!!) We went out to dinner and then saw Logan.

Shadow has mixed feelings about visiting Momo and Papa's house. On the one hand, there are more people to snuggle with, which he likes. On the other hand, there are three other dogs there. He does not really love Baron, who is a sweetheart and just wants to play! Joel, on the other hand, loves ALL the dogs very much.

Shadow, Baron, and Liath.

On Wednesday morning, Papa took us and all the grandsons to the local hands-on science museum. It was surprisingly fun! There were tons of interesting things to toy with. Joel absolutely loved spending time with his cousins. Then we all went to Chick-fil-A, and who can complain about that?

The only photo I got at the museum, on my phone. (I was too busy building a miniature train.)

Thursday may have been the highlight--we went to the Nashville Zoo! It's just over an hour from my in-laws' house. Many of the animals weren't out, because of the cold, but we still had fun. I took loads of pictures. (My version of fun!)

Our last day was St. Patrick's Day. I completely neglected to pack anything green. Oops! That evening, James and I made dinner. It was quite a party! Momo and Papa, Nick and Jo, Victoria and her three boys, plus the missionaries! James made burritos, and I made a traditional Irish apple tart. I even had a (somewhat misshapen) shamrock on top!

What an excellent trip! We can't wait to visit Tennessee again in May. Hopefully it will be much warmer!

Bring on 2016

We are a little late this year with our traditional New Year's poster. What with our trip to Utah and then getting settled back in afterward, we waited until tonight's FHE to assemble our goals for the year.

Each year, James and I set individual goals, and we set goals for our family. We require our goals to be quantifiable--they have to be things that we can check off. We also try to create a mixture of mental, physical, and spiritual goals.

First, let's review the past year. Unfortunately, I threw out our 2015 poster before remembering to photograph it with the accomplishments checked off. But here's the photo from the beginning of our year:

We were about halfsies on our goals this year. James started law school, earned his 3rd Dan, and read 6 out of his intended 10 new books. As a family, we moved to Durham and went on a family camping trip. James and I went on a date every week, and met our temple attendance goal. As for me, I earned my 4th Dan, read 5 new books (+started a sixth) and learned to make sushi (simple rolls, at least). Plus had a baby!!

This year, I feel like our goals (mine, at least) are a bit more modest, and at the same time, a bit more realistic. I present our 2016 poster:

For James:

• Obtain a 1L job (aka legal internship this summer)
• Obtain a 2L job (for next summer)
• Read 10 new books
• Change oil in car
• Read the Book of Mormon
• Join a legal journal

For Valerie:

• Referee at the NC State Championships
• Read 5 new books
• Create a photography portfolio, utilizing monthly blog posts
• Read the Book of Mormon
• Teach Joel the alphabet
• Win NaNoWriMo (aka write 50,000 words)

For our family:

• Family camping trip
• Washington D.C. trip 
• Donate 4 handmade blankets to a charity
• Take Joel & Xander to the zoo
• Go on a date every week
•  Attend the temple at least thrice

It promises to be an interesting year! Candidly, the main focus of my life right now is my children. Mothering is a full-time job for me, so anything else I get done on the side is a major accomplishment. Still, I look forward to 2016. I can't wait to see what it offers us.

Discharged!

When the doctors left yesterday afternoon, we were told that if Xander did well overnight with his oxygen saturation, we'd be discharged first thing in the morning. It had been emphasized to me the importance of a visit to his pediatrician as soon after his discharge as possible. Anticipating that we'd be going home on Monday, as originally planned, I had scheduled this visit on Tuesday morning, as I already had Joel's 18 month checkup scheduled that day. So I told the doctor about the appointment, and asked if we'd be able to make it. He said to go ahead and keep the appointment, and as long as Xander did well through the night, they'd get us out in time to make it.

James joined me at the hospital after putting Joel to bed at home. We were a little anxious for a little while, as Xander's oxygen kept satting around 88%, when the doctors wanted him in the 90s. We kept talking to him while he slept, and continued praying that he would breathe well. By the time we went to bed, he was hovering in the low 90's. The only time during the night that he dropped was when I changed his diaper. Something about screaming his little guts out seemed to interfere with his breathing for a few minutes...

One of the doctors on our team visited us early this morning, before we'd gotten up for the day. He confirmed that Xander had done great overnight, and pending a final check by the attending physician, we'd be discharged around 8:30 or 9am. James had to leave for school before that time. I had already asked my mother to pick us up in the morning, so that she and I could take the boys to the pediatrician.

I packed up all our stuff (amazing how much we'd accumulated in our week stay!) and pumped one last time. Incidentally, once we were officially discharged, the nurse brought to me all the breastmilk I had pumped during the week, and I was stunned by how much there was! I now have an awesome stash.

The doctors wanted Xander to get his hearing test before the official discharge, so I had to wait for that. The nurse finally brought him back to me around 8:45, and then we sat...waiting...anxiously watching the clock...praying that nothing would end up keeping us there...

The team came in at 9:10am. The attending physician briefly examined Xander and pronounced him ready to be discharged. I got the "new mom" instructions, and things to watch for. Then they left to give his official discharge orders. The nurse came back in, removed Xander's IV and security anklet, and then we were free. I quickly dressed him, buckled him into his carseat, and we were out of there!

It has been the absolute best--snuggling my baby at home, with my little family all around. It is such a relief to be done with our hospital stay. We're still praying for Xander's good health. I feel such an incredible gratitude for my sweet baby, my husband, my mother, and for all the friends and family who have sent thoughts and prayers our way. <3

Our weekend in Pediatrics

On Friday, our sons met for the first time.

Honestly, Joel was not super interested in the baby. He looked him over briefly, then proceeded to explore every cabinet and drawer in the room. He was also very interested in the play area down the hall. They have balls and cars. Much more interesting than that squishy thing Mama's holding. :)

The weekend was pretty quiet, medically speaking. Xander's oxygen needs went up and down several times, and late Saturday night he seemed to be struggling a bit more to breathe. But that resolved on its own, thankfully, though it was very worrying at the time.

I have to make a note here about engorgement: It sucks. My milk came in hardcore on Thursday, and by Friday morning I was referring to my breasts as rocks. I got to visit with a lactation consultant on Friday morning, and she gave me several things to help ease the discomfort. She did tell me that this was probably something that I would just have to suffer through--albeit not so bad--for a few days before my body settled. Not going to lie, it was pretty amusing to have an entire head of cabbage delivered to our room shortly after the consult. I got some funny comments from nurses and others who visited. But I think the cabbage leaves actually did help!

Anyway, our days took on something of a routine. James and I spent the nights at the hospital. After spending the mornings with Xander--snuggling, nursing, pumping--we headed home in the afternoons to refresh and spend time with Joel. Then we returned in the late afternoon to the hospital.

It was hard. When I was with Xander, I missed Joel. When I was with Joel, I missed Xander. When I was with Xander, at least I knew that Joel had Grandma to take care of him. But leaving Xander was hard, all alone in that big hospital room. I know the nurses enjoyed snuggling him. But I still felt guilty, especially because breastfeeding is so important to me. Even with pumped milk, I felt guilty for leaving him with a bottle. It was awful to feel so torn between my babies.

We're hoping to be released Monday evening after Xander's last dose of antibiotics. I cannot wait to be done with this particular trial, and be able to be home as a family.

Birth story: Baby X

I thought I had it bad with Joel, who was born a week late. I tried to prepare myself for Baby X to come late. I had my mother schedule her flight out six days after his due date, knowing it was likely. But in spite of all my "preparations," I grew more and more disheartened as I passed 40 weeks. My mother arrived, and still no baby. 41 weeks, still no baby, and no signs of labor. My midwives started preparing me for a possible induction at 42 weeks, which was NOT what I wanted. Needless to say, there were many prayers and tears over the past few weeks!

After nothing and more nothing, I finally started having some contractions on Sunday evening. They were sporadic and light, but they were something. Monday morning, October 12th, the contractions started to seem a bit more promising. I had a non-stress test scheduled at noon, to check the baby's heartrate and make sure he was doing well. I figured if my contractions progressed, I'd get checked while we were there. When it came time to go, James and I went ahead and packed up the bag with my labor supplies and the infant car seat--just in case.

We headed to the birth center--the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill. The NST took FOREVER. I was hooked up to the monitors for nearly two hours. (The test is supposed to be 20 minutes.) First of all, Xander was a wiggly monster. Secondly the nurse couldn't get him to react well to stimuli, which is one of the major things that determines his well being. I know it was necessary, but it was still majorly frustrating! Especially because I was having contractions the entire time.

We visited briefly with the on call midwife, who gave us some options. We decided to go get some lunch--we were starving!--and then come back to get checked. It was about 2:30pm when we got back to the birth center. The midwife, Allison, checked my cervix. To my utter astonishment, she announced that I was dilated to 7-8cm and had bulging waters! James and I were totally stunned, but elated that I was having a baby at last. I was admitted and we got settled into our birthing suite.

We went for a couple of walks around the grounds, then labored in the tub for awhile. The contractions stayed pretty consistent, getting a bit stronger. It was about 5pm when I requested another cervical check. It's not routine for them to check, but I wanted to know if I was progressing, to be able to pace myself. Allison determined that the baby's head had dropped a fair bit, but I was still at about 8cm. That was a little disheartening. She suggested changing positions--all fours, or on my knees over the edge of the tub--to help him move into position.

So we kept working. James and I were left mostly to our devices, except for a nurse coming in every half hour to check the baby's heartbeat. It was not quite what I had expected, but I actually rather liked it. It might have been different if this was my first delivery. But James and I knew what to do, and it was nice to just do it, the two of us. I labored all over the place--multiple positions in the tub, leaning on James, standing and bracing on the sink, and later others. I loved the freedom to do what my body wanted to do.

I think it was just before 8pm when I had James bring Allison in. She watched me through a contraction standing, then suggested I try the birthing stool. I had never used one before. It really increased the sense of pressure. I labored there for awhile. When things got more intense, Allison suggested moving to either the pool or the bed--she wanted a gravity-neutral position for the next part of my labor, in the hope of avoiding tearing like I had done previously. So I moved back to the tub.

Contractions got much more intense. I didn't actually feel the urge to push. I felt pressure, but nothing like the urge to bear down like I remember feeling with Joel. But it felt like time, so I just started trying to push, to see what happened. And it was definitely time!

Pushing took what felt like ages. Xander was positioned at an odd angle, so I had to change my position several times. My water broke there in the tub. Shifting during that part was agonizing. The worst was when Allison said she wanted me to get out of the tub and move to all fours on the bed. At several points along the way to the bed, that seemed like an impossible request. For several contractions I stood at the edge of the bed. I thought my legs were going to give out! He crowned there; Allison suggested lying on the edge of the bed, saying that movement would probably pop him out. She wasn't far off. I lurched rather awkwardly onto my side. Lying on the corner of the bed with one leg up in the air, I gave two more pushes and out he came!

His cord was very short--they could only get him to my tummy, I could only see the top of his head. They ended up having James cut his cord right away so we could move. But while still in my awkward edge-of-the-bed position, I suddenly expelled about a pint of blood. James was a bit alarmed! Apparently it was just the result of my placenta shedding, and the placenta itself soon followed. But I hardly noticed most of that, because I was enraptured by my beautiful baby!

That full head of dark hair makes me so happy. He's got long Holley fingers and toes. Of course his size was immediately noticeable--a little while after the birth, they took his measurements, which were astonishing--9lbs 15oz, 22 inches long, 15.75" head circumference. The best part was hearing that I pushed out a baby just shy of 10 pounds with NO TEARING. Hallelujah! And I can tell you, there is a world of difference in how I feel postpartum.

We got settled in. James went and got us a pizza. Xander nursed for the first time. Once we were all cleaned up, measured, fed and squared away, we attempted to get some sleep.

Unfortunately, that's where things went downhill. But that story shall continue in another post. I would like to remember my triumphant delivery of Alexander Lee Holley independently of what followed. It was a wonderful, empowering birth.

To be continued...

Our Musical Nursery

Baby X is due in less than 8 weeks! People keep saying to me, "Wow, coming up fast!" To which my response is usually, "Not fast enough for me!" Mostly because I'm very excited to meet our newest munchkin. (Also because pregnancy sucks.)

James and I have had some serious back-and-forth debates about baby X's room. The biggest question mark has been his bed. Joel slept in our room in a pack & play for his first four months or so before transitioning to his crib in the nursery. I fully anticipate doing similarly with baby X, except that there is no crib waiting in the nursery for him.

Joel will be almost 18 months old when X comes. At the moment, Joel is nowhere close to being ready to transition out of his crib. Meaning that baby X won't be able have the crib for an undetermined period of time.

James and I debated maybe just getting a second crib. The one that we have, which we love, can become a toddler bed, and eventually serve as parts for an adult size bed as well. But this didn't seem to be the right solution for our future plans. So baby X gets to stay in the pack & play, whether in our room or his own, until Joel is ready to move to a big boy bed. Then baby X will inherit Joel's crib.

I decided to set up the nursery with the pack & play there, even though it will be moving into our room when the baby actually comes. This nursery is not as elaborate as what we put together in Utah for Joel, but the little details please me greatly nonetheless.

Baby X's nursery is music themed. While it's mostly just the basics in place, there are some fun touches that we have included:

Curtains

Thanks are due once again to my awesome mother, who created these curtains for baby X. From a distance, it's hard to tell, but up close, the fabric pops with colorful music notes! Super fun.

James and I are in love with this clock! It's not actually as hard to read the time as I feared it would be when we ordered it. It's beautiful, and we love the personal touch. :) You should know that we had a great debate over whether to use the baby's full name on the clock. But we already refer to him almost exclusively by the short version (he is baby X, after all, not baby A), so that's what went on the clock.

Last but not least is a little design of my own which I painted above the dresser. While it's not perfect, I am still very happy with how it turned out. Can you determine what the song is?

The only thing left to be added is to bring up my armchair from the living room, which will once again be a comfy spot for me and the baby to nurse. We're leaving it downstairs for a couple more weeks.

All in all, I am feeling much more prepared for baby X's arrival!

1st Birthday!

Our Joel Riley turned 1 on Wednesday! It is incredible to look at the last year and realize how much our lives have changed. This little man brings us so much joy, even amidst the frustrations of parenthood.  We had a blast celebrating Joel's birthday.

 

The day started out not so birthday-like. Joel had his 12-month doctor's checkup, including his shots. My mom thought I was crazy to schedule his immunizations on his birthday, fearing he would be cranky and feeling unwell for his party. But, like all his past times getting his shots, he did totally fine. He cried monstrously when it happened, fell asleep in the car on the way home, slept for a couple of hours, and when he woke up, he was our happy birthday boy!

We invited our families over Wednesday evening. The weather conspired against us (we decided that Joel must have wished for snow for his birthday) and so out of necessity we held the party inside. It was a little crowded (James has lots of siblings!) but it worked all right. James and I were actually quite surprised by how many of our family members came. It was wonderful to see how loved our Joel-baby is by our family.

 I made a couple of ice cream cakes, as well as a pan of cupcakes. I wanted Joel to be able to have a cake smash, but a cupcake just seemed more reasonable to me! So, after everyone had arrived, we sang happy birthday to him, lit the candle (which he tried to touch) and Daddy helped him blow it out.

 He went after his cupcake with gusto, although his enjoyment of said cake was slightly more questionable...

 "Not sure about this, Mama..."

After everyone had cake, we settled down for present-opening. I have to confess, I was surprised at the number of gifts that Joel received. James and I only got him a couple of things, ourselves. Our goal is to always keep birthdays fairly low-key for our children. This birthday definitely did not fit that mold! But that was all right. This is probably the only birthday where we'll be near family, so it made us really happy.

  Joel loved going through the bags, although he seemed more interested in the tags than the presents at first! And of course, had to munch on some wrapping paper.

 He was pretty studious about examining each of the gifts. Joel's a very curious little boy, and he was fascinated by several of his presents.

Joel got totally spoiled! Yesterday, we got all his new things out of the boxes and left them in our living room. He had a blast playing with everything off and on all day. I suppose eventually I'll get it all put away, but right now it's fun to watch him explore and experiment.

Here's to the next year! Can't wait to see what adventures this little man has in store!

Adventures in Motherhood: Eating out with my son

Joel is an active little boy. Unless he is unconscious, he is constantly exploring, babbling, and getting into things. While this sometimes can be exhausting, for the most part, it is a trait that I adore.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've had what I would call an adventure in motherhood. Another way to phrase it might be "experiences you didn't know you'd be having until you became a parent."

Last week, James and I went to Oteo in Lindon for dinner. It's a little family-owned Mexican place right next to our taekwondo studio; we've eaten there once before, and both times, I've been impressed by the unique qualities of their food. It's a pretty small place, probably a dozen or so tables all told, and fairly quiet.

James and I got seated, and Joel settled in a high chair. Needless to say, Joel is not really a quiet diner. He babbles, and his current form of asking for more food is to shriek. (We sometimes refer to him as "Veloci-baby.") He enjoyed sharing my empanada, even the peppers!

Still, I could not help but notice the looks garnered by our vocal baby. There was a woman seated behind James (so, directly in front of me) that craned her neck around a couple of times to glance at Joel. Kitty-corner from them, there was a young couple that outright stared at Joel multiple times, and "whispered" behind their hands afterward--loud enough that I could catch at least a few of the words, including "baby" and something that sounded a lot like "I would never."

Yesterday, James and I went out to lunch for Valentine's Day to our new favorite sushi place, Sakura in Orem. I have been sick, so this was about all we did to celebrate Valentine's Day. Again, we had Joel. (Actually, I'd been looking forward to letting him try sushi...he wasn't a fan!) And, of course, he was his usual self. While the reaction wasn't as bad as when we were at Oteo's, he still got a number of sideways glances and clearly some comments from the couple across the way.

I'll admit, I was embarrassed, both times. I would hate to sour anyone else's dining experiences, especially if, as it was for us yesterday, they were celebrating a special occasion.

That said, I was also a little upset to be at the brunt end of such rudeness, especially at Oteo. James and I love to eat out; it's one of our favorite ways to spend date night. We love to enjoy different foods, different atmospheres, and each other's company and conversation. Even if we ate out less (and we don't eat out an unreasonable amount as it is), I still don't think it would be reasonable to ask us to leave our son behind every time. We simply cannot afford, in either money or favors, to get a babysitter every time we want to go out.

If your suggestion would be, "just don't eat out," I have one thing to say to you: Get. Real. I am not going to spend the next X years stuck inside because I am a parent. Besides, adults can be just as obnoxious as kids. Have you ever met my brother? He's louder than any 10 babies. (Love you, Kyle!) 

Babies are not like adults. They don't have social skills yet. Joel doesn't understand that he shouldn't shriek or throw food on the ground, much as we try to prevent him doing so. I may know that he is annoying you, but that won't stop him from doing his thing. Giving me the stinkeye and whispering behind your hand about how you would never be "that parent" does nothing except sour the experience for me AND for you.

So, for future reference, if you're at a restaurant and there's a shrieking baby, how about instead of acting annoyed, you instead give those parents an encouraging smile, letting them know, "you got this!" You'll probably feel better about the experience than you would otherwise, and I know that I, as the parent, certainly would as well.