I can't tell you how many times lately that, upon expressing joy and happiness with regards to my marriage, I get told something like, "Oh, just wait." For instance, upon telling someone that James does all the dishes at our house, I received this response: "You're still in newlywed phase, that will change."
My question is, does newlywed phase have to end?
I understand that parts of this bliss may change, may fade or die down somewhat. Especially when the children come, life and relationships do change. I get it.
But I like feeling dewy-eyed. I like experiencing all my husband's quirks. I like spending this much time with him. I like marriage.
Furthermore, I don't see why things like James doing the dishes should have to change. We have a great deal worked out. He does the dishes, and I keep the rest of the house clean. I hate hate hate doing dishes. The fact that James does them makes me very happy. He knows it makes me happy, and has told me, on multiple occasions, that he's content with our arrangement. Is it some fact of life that men become less considerate, less helpful, less loving, six or so months after getting married? Or is it simply that these particular men were less considerate to begin with, and put on a show during a period in which they felt they had to be most impressive, and upon feeling secure in their marriage, revert to their old ways? Well, if that's the case, I'm feeling pretty safe with regards to my dishes getting done, and I'd appreciate it if everybody would quit raining on my parade.
I could go on, but I think I'll cut things short before I get entirely out of hand. Basically, my thought is this: Marriage is not perfect. But it can be pretty darn great, if both partners are willing to work at it, and keep the other person's happiness before their own. That's been working pretty well for us so far, and I see no reason to put an expiration date on this state of bliss. Thank you very much.
Darling! You just sit right there an enjoy your starry-eyed happy twitterpation all you want!
ReplyDeleteI feel like making a list, so here you go:
#1 - JUST because someone else isn't happy in THEIR marriage/relationship/breakup/singlehood/divorce/re-marriage/widowing/polgyamy or on earth they are doing, it should NOT affect you and your happiness in any way! Some people!
#2 - The starry eyes DO NOT have to go away. I have heard it all too. I absolutely LOATHE when people call their spouse "The old ball & chain" or "The Old Lady" or other derogatory terms. I'm not even partial to "My better half" because that's self-degrading. I know a guy who has been married far longer than I've been alive and he ALWAYS refers to his wife as "My beautiful bride!" But let's face it. Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes more up, sometimes more down. You're a team and you weather it together. Life is hard, marriage needs TLC to stay strong. But the stars CAN stay!!!! Example a) <--- XD
#3 - Of course there are days where you're a Grumblekins McCranky Pants, or your partner says something that is the opposite of what you may have been hoping to hear, (tough love vs. it'll all be okay) but that is a moment in time, and your marriage is the REST of the time. Yes, brain chemicals change after a period of (typically) 2 years and your "high" from falling in love wears thin. Perhaps one day you've had a rotten-no-good-very-awful day and them leaving the cap off the toothpaste that droobled all over the counter feels like the last straw. But this is your partner, your helper, your teammate, your #1 fan (with the POSSIBLE exception of your mom because moms are special.) Your marriage will pour back out to you exactly what you put into it! Stuff your marriage with as much love as you can muster - it will come back tenfold! (Even if other people roll their eyes at you!)
#4 - And on that note, it's always easier to point fingers than to look in a mirror. Often people reflect what is inside of THEM, not what is external. They see your happiness and they feel envy, or jealousy, or a need to tear you down.
#5 - I know couples that still RUSH to the door to greet their spouse, even after 20 years of doing so, who cherish their date night that NOTHING comes above it (even if rescheduling is required their spouse is always paramount)
#6 - Six years ago this spring I met my husband. I was as star-struck and silly then as I am now, (maybe even MORE silly! Though less tongue-tied... which is helpful as I do need to speak to my husband on occasion WITHOUT turning into a blushing, stuttering 15-year-old. And I still wait for him to come home, love EVERY e-mail he sends and get a happy heart flutter each time the phone rings and it's him! A six year honeymoon is a long time, and I'm McLovin' every minute of it!
#7 - Your marriage, your rules. NO RAIN! There are no perfect people, but you don't have to be perfect people to have amazing love.
#8 - I hate dishes.
#9 - "Just because" presents are the best!
#10 - I love you. Both! <3
Oh, Ruth, how we love you!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard when people just say ' that will fade.' it makes me dad when I see people let it fade. However, if you look at the group of friends we share in common, with the exception of 1 or 2 couples, the rest of us, it seem, are content to let the newly wed stage wage on. :-)
ReplyDelete