A Treatise on Faith

Today I have been thinking about faith.

It started this morning at church. During my Relief Society meeting, we discussed Elder L. Tom Perry's talk, "Obedience through Our Faithfulness" from the April session of general conference. There are many great parts to Elder Perry's message. But I was especially struck by his thoughts on faith. He reminded us of Abraham, who was asked by the Lord to sacrifice his young son Isaac, for whom he and his wife Sarah had waited and so earnestly desired. Then Elder Perry said,

I still do not believe I fully comprehend Abraham’s faithfulness and obedience. Perhaps I can imagine him faithfully packing up to leave early one morning, but how did he take all those steps alongside his son Isaac over the three-day journey to the base of Mount Moriah? How did they carry the wood for the fire up the mountain? How did he build the altar? How did he bind Isaac and lay him on the altar? How did he explain to him that he would be the sacrifice? And how did he have the strength to lift the knife to slay his son? Abraham’s faith empowered him to follow God’s lead with exactness up until the miraculous moment when an angel called out from heaven, announcing to Abraham that he had passed his agonizing test. And then the angel of the Lord repeated the promise of the Abrahamic covenant.

I recognize that the challenges associated with having faith in Jesus Christ and obedience will be more difficult for some than others... Each of us is a son or daughter of God, and we have a unique premortal and mortal story. Accordingly, there are very few one-size-fits-all solutions. And so I fully recognize the trial-and-error nature of life and, most importantly, the constant need of [faith].

I have contemplated the story of Abraham, Sarah and Isaac before, but it hit me in a particularly poignant way this afternoon. First, I was struck by the thought of Sarah. Hebrews 11:11 says, "Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised."

The example of Sarah is most inspiring: her faith in the promise which she and her husband had received--her faith in the Lord who had given the promise--was surely tested in the many years that passed before she bore Isaac. I have not had to struggle with infertility, but I still identify with Sarah's longing for a child. I married at the age of 26; while the modern world would judge this as younger than average, in the Utah-Mormon culture, it is quite a bit older than the "norm." By the time James and I started dating, all of my close friends were already married, and most of them had a child (or three). It was hard, during those years, to not be married, when that was what I felt was expected of me, and more importantly, when that was what I so desperately wanted! I wanted to be married; I wanted children of my own. That said, I believe that having my little Joel brought me even more joy because of the time I spent in longing.

Which brings me to Abraham. Having Joel gives me a whole new perspective on what has always been an overwhelming idea. I cannot imagine being asked to sacrifice my own son. I cannot fathom the faith that it took for Abraham to obey the Lord's command. His trust in the Lord must have been absolute.

In comparison, I find myself so weak. I struggle with the little things that God has asked of me: reading my scriptures (let alone feasting upon them), daily prayers, service to my fellow men. If these simple things are a challenge, how could I hope to obey if the Lord commanded something greater of me?

During Relief Society, our teacher broke us into groups for discussion. My group was given the quote shown above, and then were asked to discuss times in our lives when we have had to exercise faith. My group began to discuss; one of the sisters immediately shared a personal story which indeed illustrated great faith on her part.

I struggled, in that moment, with what to say. There certainly have been moments in my life when I have had to exercise faith. But they felt so paltry just then. My past examples felt so weak! So irrelevant to my life right now. And that's when I received an impression: I am exercising faith right now.

My faith helps me to go to church each week, when it is often so hard for me.
I am faithful when I say little prayers in my mind on behalf of my son.
I exercise faith as I prepare for the future with my husband, facing so much uncertainty.

It was a moment of clarity for me. As I have pondered throughout the day, I have come to realize that faith isn't a matter of size. "Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). The Apostle Paul also called faith "the substance of things hoped for" (Hebrews 11:1).

I love the use of the word "hope." I hope that God knows me, and loves me. I hope that I can find a solution to Joel being underweight, and that he will grow and be healthy. I hope that James will be get scholarships for law school, and that we'll find a good home, and that I won't be wretchedly lonely, and that we'll all be safe and happy wherever it is that we end up.

But there is a little more to it. Because, after all, "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also" (James 2:26). It is this quote from Elder Perry that has stuck with me all day:

Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice.

My great realization of the day is this: the weakness that I felt earlier when I considered my faith was in fact a sense of my own passiveness. My faith is not weak. But I need to strengthen my works. I need to be more proactive in my obedience to God's will. Through doing so, I can receive the blessings of eternal life, promised by Elder Perry and so many other prophets throughout time. And what a wonderful promise it is!

If you made it this far, I congratulate you, and I thank you for reading. May God bless you and may His spirit be with you always.

Love,
Valerie

General Conference moments

A friend of mine posted the other day that she loves October General Conference because it feels like the first holiday of the season, and I couldn't agree more. Part of it is the break from routine (including the regular church routine), part of it is eating yummy food (though I kind of slacked on that part this time around), and part of it is the family time.

Conference this weekend was pretty mellow for James and I. We watched the four main sessions at home. I think James would have watched the priesthood session at home too, now that it's an option, except that his family invited us over for priesthood session/girls night, and we obliged.

But you know, there was something kind of special about watching conference this way, this time. In the past, I have often watched with friends and family, at various locations. But this time, I really treasured watching conference in my home, with my family--all four of us, as we like to say. :)

I found several talks of great meaning to me. I would like to highlight a few.

First, President Uchtdorf's talk yesterday. I have had several friend in recent years decide to leave the Church, for various reasons. On the one hand, it breaks my heart that they make this choice. But on the other hand, I have hated watch them bear judgment and be ostracized because of that choice. So when President Uchtdorf cautioned us that the reasons for leaving the church are many and complex, and that we should not pass judgment, a part of me rejoiced. But then I felt even more strongly when he cautioned all of us concerning our own questions and doubts.

This graphic popped up on Facebook practically before the session was over. I'm not normally one for reposting stuff like this, but I loved the quote so much, I couldn't help myself.

This morning, I really enjoyed President Eyring's talk. To be honest with you, I'm not even sure what he was actually talking about, but I had a really profound moment in the midst of him speaking. He was talking about his parents' marriage at the time, when suddenly, in the moment of clarity, I felt so strongly the truth of eternal marriage. I looked over at James, and I knew that we are going to be together forever. I know that's like, "duh, Valerie, you knew that already" and you're right, I did. It's hard to express realizations like this, so I'll just reiterate that in that moment, it was exceptionally profound.

And of course, I always enjoy listening to President Monson. James and I wept while listening to him talk about his departed wife, and his testimony that they would be together again. What I have always enjoyed most about President Monson is his love for the members and his sense of humor. I cannot get over hearing about people who call him 'Tommy Monson.' I swear it makes me smile every time, because I just can't imagine referring to the Prophet that way. But that is why I love him, this dear Prophet of ours who can make me cry and smile and laugh and make my heart burn with the Spirit all in the same 10 minutes.

It's also poignant to realize that at the next General Conference, we will be preparing for (or maybe already have) a new baby. The talks about family all seemed to be just for me this time around!

God truly cares about me!

I have just had one of the most spiritual moments in my life. As Valerie could tell you, I've been stressing over school work recently, particularly a program assignment for one of my Computer Science classes. I've been struggling with this assignment all week, and it came to a head today, the day the assignment was due.

I started working on this program this morning, and made slow but steady progress throughout the morning. However, around 1:30, I hit a brick wall. I have never been so utterly stymied in anything I've worked on in school, but this one did it. I worked all the way through my 2:00 class and through my leadership class at Taekwondo, fortunate that I have a loving wife to take care of my Leadership responsibilities for today.

The clock kept ticking, and I grew more and more frantic. I had combed my code multiple times, and just couldn't figure out what the matter was. It got to a point where I was *this* close to a nervous breakdown, and I finally turned to the Lord in full. I had uttered some small prayers throughout the day to help me out, and had felt His presence guiding me, but the time for small prayers was over. I gave myself over completely to the Lord, begging him for guidance and direction, admitting that I couldn't do this alone.

I finished my prayer, and waited for an answer. Eventually, I felt I should check a particular section of code I thought I had already combed thoroughly. However, I did look again, and lo and behold, the missing code was staring me in the face! I was able to complete the program for full marks and pass it off on time.

Now, I know that there are some who would read this and say it's merely a coincidence. I assure you, dear readers, that I was certain of that part of my code being acceptable, all the errors pointed to a completely different section of my program, and I almost certainly would not have thought to look at the faulty section. It is my testimony and firm belief this was no coincidence, that God helped me through this struggle, and that He did so because he loves me. It is my prayer that my faith will continue to grow, and that my experience will be an example for others who wonder if God listens and loves us. I know that He does!

James R. Holley