Discharged!

When the doctors left yesterday afternoon, we were told that if Xander did well overnight with his oxygen saturation, we'd be discharged first thing in the morning. It had been emphasized to me the importance of a visit to his pediatrician as soon after his discharge as possible. Anticipating that we'd be going home on Monday, as originally planned, I had scheduled this visit on Tuesday morning, as I already had Joel's 18 month checkup scheduled that day. So I told the doctor about the appointment, and asked if we'd be able to make it. He said to go ahead and keep the appointment, and as long as Xander did well through the night, they'd get us out in time to make it.

James joined me at the hospital after putting Joel to bed at home. We were a little anxious for a little while, as Xander's oxygen kept satting around 88%, when the doctors wanted him in the 90s. We kept talking to him while he slept, and continued praying that he would breathe well. By the time we went to bed, he was hovering in the low 90's. The only time during the night that he dropped was when I changed his diaper. Something about screaming his little guts out seemed to interfere with his breathing for a few minutes...

One of the doctors on our team visited us early this morning, before we'd gotten up for the day. He confirmed that Xander had done great overnight, and pending a final check by the attending physician, we'd be discharged around 8:30 or 9am. James had to leave for school before that time. I had already asked my mother to pick us up in the morning, so that she and I could take the boys to the pediatrician.

I packed up all our stuff (amazing how much we'd accumulated in our week stay!) and pumped one last time. Incidentally, once we were officially discharged, the nurse brought to me all the breastmilk I had pumped during the week, and I was stunned by how much there was! I now have an awesome stash.

The doctors wanted Xander to get his hearing test before the official discharge, so I had to wait for that. The nurse finally brought him back to me around 8:45, and then we sat...waiting...anxiously watching the clock...praying that nothing would end up keeping us there...

The team came in at 9:10am. The attending physician briefly examined Xander and pronounced him ready to be discharged. I got the "new mom" instructions, and things to watch for. Then they left to give his official discharge orders. The nurse came back in, removed Xander's IV and security anklet, and then we were free. I quickly dressed him, buckled him into his carseat, and we were out of there!

It has been the absolute best--snuggling my baby at home, with my little family all around. It is such a relief to be done with our hospital stay. We're still praying for Xander's good health. I feel such an incredible gratitude for my sweet baby, my husband, my mother, and for all the friends and family who have sent thoughts and prayers our way. <3

NICU Day 3 / Transition

To my surprise and delight, when I went into the NICU at 8am on Thursday morning, I found Xander off oxygen and IV fluids. The nurse had taken him off about an hour before, and he was doing great!

James came to the hospital shortly thereafter. We were told that if Xander continued to do well off oxygen and IV fluids, that he would probably be transferred out of the NICU and into the regular pediatrics unit, where he could finish his 7-day course of antibiotics. After visiting with Xander for awhile that morning, James took me home for a few hours to refresh and spend some time with Joel.

Side bar: Last Saturday, partially as a diversion from STILL being pregnant, and partially as something we'd already been planning to do, we went to For Garden's Sake (a charming nursery that we fell in love with this summer) to pick out a shade tree for our yard. We fell in love with this Shumard Oak, which James planted on Thursday afternoon.

While at home, we got the call we'd been hoping for--Xander had been moved to pediatrics! Yay! We finished with the tree, then returned to the hospital.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the move had upset the stability Xander had achieved in the NICU. We were pretty disappointed to find him back on oxygen support by the time we arrived.

Still, the children's unit was a HUGE improvement, especially when it came to OUR comfort. Xander had a large private room, with a bathroom and shower, and a pull-out couch. Also, the policy for visitors was much more relaxed. In the NICU, only 2 visitors were allowed at a time, which had made it virtually impossible for Joel to come. So we planned for Joel to visit the next day.

James had planned on sleeping at our house that night, while I spent the night with Xander. But I'll be honest, I had a total emotional breakdown that night. I think the weight of everything happening, plus the postpartum hormones hitting me, contributed to me becoming a weepy mess. So James ended up driving all the way back to spend the night with me. I have the best husband in the world!

NICU Day 2

Wednesday morning James and I went to the hospital. To our relief and joy, Xander was no longer under the oxy hood. It had been replaced by a nose cannula for his oxygen. But this meant we could hold him, and I was able to breastfeed. It was such a relief to snuggle with our chunky monkey!

Unfortunately, because of his continuing need for oxygen support, we learned that he would indeed be staying for at least a week. The main purpose of the week was to run a full course of antibiotics. It was disheartening to hear Xander would be staying so long, when we'd hoped to take him home the next day. But of course his health was most important!

Wednesday afternoon I brought my mother to the hospital to visit. She was sure a happy grandma! I have to say, my mother has been our saving grace this week. With her here to watch Joel, James and I have been able to spend most of our time at the hospital with Xander. While it's certainly been hard to be away from Joel so much, at least he's got Grandma doting on him at home, which I think has mitigated some of the hardship for him.

That night was an adventure. I was given a sleeping room in the NICU. I had made a feeding plan with the nurses, to breastfeed Xander every three hours. So I set alarms on my phone, and every three hours that night, I got up, shuffled through the hallways to Xander's pod, and fed my baby. I wouldn't have had it any other way, though by the 5am feeding, I definitely felt like a zombie. I continued to pump periodically, so that Xander would have milk for when I wasn't there.

NICU Day 1 (Part 2)

In retrospect, I have to be glad that Xander came late. Last week, James happened to be on fall break. Of course, this time was supposed to be spent on his major writing assignment. Fortunately, his professor was very generous and gave him a week extension. Because not a lot of schoolwork happened during the first week of Xander's life. And I don't know what I would have done if James had not been there with me.

It was determined on Tuesday that he had indeed aspirated meconium, and based off his chest x-ray, the doctors were fairly certain that he had developed pneumonia, which is a common result. We were told that he was definitely going to be there for two days, but might end up staying a week, depending on his response to the treatment.

Xander spent all of Tuesday under the oxy hood. I asked, mid-morning, if there was any possibility of holding and maybe nursing him. At that point, I was told, it was important to maintain his "oxygen environment" under the hood, which meant no.

We were given a boarder room--basically somewhere we could crash and keep our stuff while at the hospital. This was helpful, as there is basically no free space in the NICU. There's barely room to pull a couple of chairs up to his little bedside.

The lactation consultant visited; she showed me how to use the hospital breast pump, and advised me on hand expressing my colostrum, since the pump isn't super effective at getting the thicker colostrum out. Although, it's been fantastic to use since my milk came in. SO much nicer than the little manual pump I have at home.

Late that evening, our home teacher came to the hospital to help James give Xander a priesthood blessing. To be honest, I'd never met our home teacher before, and James had only met him this past Sunday while in nursery with Joel. But I think it stands as a testament to the wonderful community of the church. We were so grateful that he came. The blessing brought James and I a great deal of comfort, and I felt that Xander's breathing seemed less labored afterward.

We decided to check out of the boarder room and go home that night. I knew that I needed rest, which I wasn't going to get much of there. Between waking Monday morning and that point Tuesday evening, I had only had about three hours of sleep, and had delivered a baby in the midst. But it was seriously one of the hardest things I have ever done, leaving my baby at the hospital and going home without him. It just broke my heart.

NICU Day 1

Xander was born at 9:28pm Monday night. It took a couple of hours for us to get settled in. By midnight, James and I had finally laid down with the baby to attempt some sleep.

It's impossible to rest, however, when you've got a little baby between you who can't sleep. Xander's breathing was rapid, and as time passed, it grew more and more labored. The nurse had checked him before leaving us for the night, but we finally brought her back in around 3:30am. She didn't seem very concerned, but acknowledged that he was breathing too fast, and called in the midwife. After her examination, they decided to deep suction him, supported with oxygen.

He did have a lot of amniotic fluid in him. But even after the deep suction and a good bit of time on oxygen, his breathing had not improved. It was such a struggle for him. Our midwife decided to call UNC hospital, who sent over a team to examine him. We were warned at that point that it was likely we'd be going to the hospital.

The UNC team arrived shortly and spent a few minutes examining the baby. They decided to take him to the NICU. James and I rapidly threw our things together. I was given this whole new reason to be grateful for not tearing. After Joel was born, I could barely walk to the bathroom for the first couple of days. There's no way I could have gotten up, dressed, and climbed into an ambulance mere hours after delivery.

At the hospital, we were shown to a waiting room while Xander was assessed and set up in the NICU. I just wept. The doctor eventually came to us there. She talked us through everything that might be going on, the most likely being meconium aspiration--that Xander had breathed in his first poop during his birth. They were going to start him on antibiotics, get a chest x-ray, start him on IV fluids, and keep him under an oxygen hood to stabilize his breathing. She advised us that Xander's condition was not overly serious, and simply would take time to assess and treat.

We were soon taken in to see him. We had been warned that the NICU can be overwhelming, which was absolutely the case. The room is full of equipment and sounds, and there is a constant air of worry from the parents and visitors. It's impossible to fully relax there, with the incessant barrage of beeping, bubbling, hisses and whispers.

Xander was in a warmer, under the oxygen hood, with an IV and a bunch of other wires. The oxy hood looked like an astronaut helmet. The hardest part that first day, besides the uncertainty, was not being able to hold him or breastfeed. We could touch him, but not being able to hold him was awful. I felt totally bereft of this little life that so shortly before had been safe in my womb.

And so the waiting began. Or rather, changed. We'd been waiting for his arrival. Now we were waiting to know what was wrong, waiting to know what would happen, waiting to know when our sweet baby could come home.