Thankful Things

Thanksgiving is definitely a bit different for us this year. We are spending it at home, just the four of us (plus Shadow :D). Actually, I've been really looking forward to it. We're planning to play movies all day, hang out, maybe play games, and of course, stuff our faces! While I love our families, it will be nice, in it's way, not to try and balance spending time with everyone over the break, but just be able to relax in our home. (Though James does have to study, naturally.)

I always like to reflect, at this time of the year, on the things for which I am grateful. I try to be mindful of these things on a regular basis, but Thanksgiving is a special opportunity to really sit down and ponder my blessings.

The other day, as I was thinking about Thanksgiving, I gave myself a little challenge. I decided to try and see how many Thankful Things I could list in 3 minutes. It was kind of fun to rattle them off. I used the voice recorder on my phone, which is why the formatting is non-existent. Here's what I came up with:

my husband my children my home my dog
the church prayer the atonement my Savior
baby smiles 

new words that Joel says 

Joel's laugh 

toddler snuggles
shadows funny run when he's excited
my parents and all my family and my in-laws

adoption the Jacksons the Walleses
all my friends, new and old

playgroup, for me and for Joel

my ability to play the piano and having one in my home
music in general

taekwondo, but I miss it
beautiful photographs of my family
my good health
Christmas
all holidays, really
vacations
our financial circumstances

being able to stay home with our children

my education
James's education, ongoing
my possessions, which I enjoy so much
books and stories and movies

playing Magic the Gathering with James
the Internet
my GPS, or otherwise I wouldn't be able to go anywhere

The order here should in no way indicate degrees of importance. :P Really, this was just me rattling off things as quickly as I could think of them, which is why there are some less-than-serious notations. 

What it really made me realize is the magnitude of my blessings. These were what I could think of in three minutes, and I wasn't done. I could have gone on for another three minutes, and probably much longer.

Life is hard. I have struggled somewhat of late. Adjusting to a new baby in the house. Sleep deprivation. Postpartum blues. Two essentially helpless little people constantly in need of my attention. Taking more than twice as long to get out of the house. Breastfeeding the baby every two hours, feeling chained to him. Postpartum body woes (aka daily wardrobe crises). It can all be overwhelming at times.

But then I consider this list of Thankful Things, and the weight lifts a little. While the challenges I face are real, it is a comfort to remember the things for which I am grateful. It doesn't make the struggles any easier, necessarily. But it helps me rise to meet them.

I hope that you all have an enjoyable Thanksgiving. And I hope you know that I am grateful for you.

"Newborn" photos take 2

Remember how I said there were a few more photos I wanted to take? Well, Xander is a month old today, AND it was sunny. So I embarked on the adventure of photographing a wiggly, wakeful one-month-old!

Fondue Night

I love fondue.

I can't remember the first time I had fondue. It was not something my family did, but I seem to remember being introduced to it during high school sometime, or maybe it was during college. But my first oh-my-gosh-I-love-fondue-! moment came on our honeymoon, when James took me to The Melting Pot in Salt Lake City.

You guys. It was amazing. It was almost (another story) the most expensive meal I have ever eaten. It was decadent. It was delicious. It was delightful. And I was forever changed.

The first thing that James and I bought with one of the gift cards given to us by amazing people who came to our wedding was an electric fondue pot.

It's been ages since we had fondue, so James and I decided to splurge and have it for dinner this week. I used this recipe (see below). I'd found a number of delicious-looking options, but all the ones I looked at first called for alcohol. While I do not object offhand to alcohol in recipes where it will cook out, James asked me to look and see if I could find a family-friendly recipe. I followed it precisely, and it turned out fantastic.

Here is my (very slightly) modified version:

Ingredients

• 2 cups lightly packed shredded Gruyere cheese (about 8 ounces) *
• 1 1/2 cups lightly packed shredded Swiss cheese (about 6 ounces) *
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1 cup low-sodium, good-quality chicken broth
• 1/8 teaspoon lemon juice (don't leave this out! I just gave a quick squeeze of a lemon without properly measuring)
• 1 tablespoon finely minced or pressed garlic
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black or white pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• Dash of paprika

Directions

1. Place both the shredded Gruyere and Swiss cheeses in a gallon-size resealable bag with the cornstarch and shake until evenly coated.
2. In a medium saucepan (or stovetop-safe fondue pot), bring the chicken broth, lemon juice, and garlic and to a simmer.
3. Reduce the heat to medium-low. Add the cheese, a small handful at a time, stirring constantly, but not briskly. It works best to use a wooden spoon and stir in an S-shaped motion, making sure to scrape the bottom of the pot so it doesn't burn.
4. Once the cheese is melted and begins to just barely simmer, add the remaining spices and move it immediately to the table in the fondue pot. It should be the consistency of warm honey.
5. Serve with your favorite fondue dippers. Our favorites include bread, apples, and cubed ham.

*Do not use pre-shredded cheese. The consistency is very different!

Fondue night this evening was a hit! Joel loved the finger foods (he did not get any of the cheese) and James and I had a great time dipping away. :)

Xander's Newborn Photos

I've been waiting to post these photos, which I took a week and a half ago, because I intended to take more. However, it hasn't happened. The weather hasn't cooperated, denying me the lighting I want. Plus I've simply been overwhelmed with having a new baby in the house! Hopefully I'll still be able to get the shots I want, but we're coming to the point where they could no longer be defined as "newborn photos" which are usually taken within the first two weeks of life. So I present the newborn photos I was able to get, and will simply take more lovely photos of my beautiful son at another time. :) Enjoy!

Can you believe these fingernails?

All original images and original content on this site are the sole property of the blog author and may not be used, copied or transmitted without express consent.

Discharged!

When the doctors left yesterday afternoon, we were told that if Xander did well overnight with his oxygen saturation, we'd be discharged first thing in the morning. It had been emphasized to me the importance of a visit to his pediatrician as soon after his discharge as possible. Anticipating that we'd be going home on Monday, as originally planned, I had scheduled this visit on Tuesday morning, as I already had Joel's 18 month checkup scheduled that day. So I told the doctor about the appointment, and asked if we'd be able to make it. He said to go ahead and keep the appointment, and as long as Xander did well through the night, they'd get us out in time to make it.

James joined me at the hospital after putting Joel to bed at home. We were a little anxious for a little while, as Xander's oxygen kept satting around 88%, when the doctors wanted him in the 90s. We kept talking to him while he slept, and continued praying that he would breathe well. By the time we went to bed, he was hovering in the low 90's. The only time during the night that he dropped was when I changed his diaper. Something about screaming his little guts out seemed to interfere with his breathing for a few minutes...

One of the doctors on our team visited us early this morning, before we'd gotten up for the day. He confirmed that Xander had done great overnight, and pending a final check by the attending physician, we'd be discharged around 8:30 or 9am. James had to leave for school before that time. I had already asked my mother to pick us up in the morning, so that she and I could take the boys to the pediatrician.

I packed up all our stuff (amazing how much we'd accumulated in our week stay!) and pumped one last time. Incidentally, once we were officially discharged, the nurse brought to me all the breastmilk I had pumped during the week, and I was stunned by how much there was! I now have an awesome stash.

The doctors wanted Xander to get his hearing test before the official discharge, so I had to wait for that. The nurse finally brought him back to me around 8:45, and then we sat...waiting...anxiously watching the clock...praying that nothing would end up keeping us there...

The team came in at 9:10am. The attending physician briefly examined Xander and pronounced him ready to be discharged. I got the "new mom" instructions, and things to watch for. Then they left to give his official discharge orders. The nurse came back in, removed Xander's IV and security anklet, and then we were free. I quickly dressed him, buckled him into his carseat, and we were out of there!

It has been the absolute best--snuggling my baby at home, with my little family all around. It is such a relief to be done with our hospital stay. We're still praying for Xander's good health. I feel such an incredible gratitude for my sweet baby, my husband, my mother, and for all the friends and family who have sent thoughts and prayers our way. <3

Pediatrics: Monday

James returned to school today. I just have to say again how grateful I am that he was out of school last week. It was such a blessing not to worry about him missing classes, or conversely, having to deal with all of this on my own if he had chosen to go to class. It made it a lot easier to send him back to school today.

When our medical team came on their rounds this morning, I was disheartened to learn that they thought it pretty unlikely that Xander could go home today. I'd been told Monday evening as our target discharge. But the team (attending physician + med students) were concerned because Xander has been so up and down with his oxygen needs.

Basically, I was told that if we could successfully wean him off oxygen by lunchtime and keep him off throughout the day, we might be able to go home tonight. But that was "very optimistic" and it was more likely that we'd be spending another night.

When they left, I talked with our nurse, and she was totally onboard with trying to wean Xander off his oxygen. So over the course of the morning, she turned his oxygen down by degrees, and we had indeed gotten him totally off oxygen support by lunchtime.

Xander smiles in his sleep all the time. Sooo cute.

He did great this afternoon. His oxygen saturation hovered in the low 90s, so not quite as high as hoped, but within the parameters the doctor had set for him. His heart rate and respiration rate stayed consistent, and he didn't show any distress. I'll admit, I totally got my hopes up.

One of the med students was keeping tabs on Xander this afternoon, and he seemed hopeful that we could be discharged. But after speaking with the attending physician, he came back and told me that they were going to keep Xander one more night, to monitor him off oxygen throughout the night.

I am so bummed. I know one night is nothing in the greater scheme of things. But after a week of this, I am sooo ready to be done. Sigh.

On the bright side, my amazing mother extended her stay until Saturday. It's been a big stress on my mind, especially with Xander's discharge up in the air, because she was supposed to leave on Wednesday afternoon. But she's amazing, and is going to stick around to help us get Xander settled at home before she goes. Hopefully my dad can survive a few more days without her. ;)

Hopefully in the morning we'll be busting out of this joint. Keep your fingers crossed!

Our weekend in Pediatrics

On Friday, our sons met for the first time.

Honestly, Joel was not super interested in the baby. He looked him over briefly, then proceeded to explore every cabinet and drawer in the room. He was also very interested in the play area down the hall. They have balls and cars. Much more interesting than that squishy thing Mama's holding. :)

The weekend was pretty quiet, medically speaking. Xander's oxygen needs went up and down several times, and late Saturday night he seemed to be struggling a bit more to breathe. But that resolved on its own, thankfully, though it was very worrying at the time.

I have to make a note here about engorgement: It sucks. My milk came in hardcore on Thursday, and by Friday morning I was referring to my breasts as rocks. I got to visit with a lactation consultant on Friday morning, and she gave me several things to help ease the discomfort. She did tell me that this was probably something that I would just have to suffer through--albeit not so bad--for a few days before my body settled. Not going to lie, it was pretty amusing to have an entire head of cabbage delivered to our room shortly after the consult. I got some funny comments from nurses and others who visited. But I think the cabbage leaves actually did help!

Anyway, our days took on something of a routine. James and I spent the nights at the hospital. After spending the mornings with Xander--snuggling, nursing, pumping--we headed home in the afternoons to refresh and spend time with Joel. Then we returned in the late afternoon to the hospital.

It was hard. When I was with Xander, I missed Joel. When I was with Joel, I missed Xander. When I was with Xander, at least I knew that Joel had Grandma to take care of him. But leaving Xander was hard, all alone in that big hospital room. I know the nurses enjoyed snuggling him. But I still felt guilty, especially because breastfeeding is so important to me. Even with pumped milk, I felt guilty for leaving him with a bottle. It was awful to feel so torn between my babies.

We're hoping to be released Monday evening after Xander's last dose of antibiotics. I cannot wait to be done with this particular trial, and be able to be home as a family.