Out with the Old, In with the New!

Another year has come and gone. This weekend, James and I will be celebrating our second anniversary! The time has flown by, it seems. In keeping with our tradition, we mark the New Year with a poster outlining our goals for the coming annum. But first, let us review our accomplishments from 2014:

Apologies for the shadow, this poster lives on the wall next to a bookcase

Our family goals we met 100%. We had a baby--go us! :) We went on a family camping trip (a couple, actually). We started preparations for our Black Belt Testing, which is coming up at the end of January. We took Joel to the zoo. We planted a fruit tree, an apricot which shot up like crazy over the summer. We went on a date every week this year. We visited the temple at least once a month, including a trip up to Brigham City.

Our individual goals were a little more hit-and-miss. James has indeed graduated from BYU (we're still waiting to hear on a few grades, but he's on track for magna cum laude). He has just completed his goal of reading 10 new books this year. Weight loss goals for the both of us didn't quite happen, unfortunately. He didn't learn to do a popup, though it's something he's still working on, and Joel has not yet learned any ASL. However, James met his goal of getting at least a 168 on the LSAT by scoring a 171!

I did referee at Nationals, and earned my B2 referee certification. I have not yet completed The Seventh Guardian (sequel to The Tale of Telsharu and The Scourge of Narak) but it is in progress, at least. Pre-baby weight is close, I'm hoping within the month. I did compete at the Utah Summer Games. I am nowhere close to learning how to do a back walkover, although I did learn how to do a headstand! :)

Which brings us to our goals for 2015:

For James:

• Go to Law School
• Earn 3rd Dan
• Successfully change oil in my car
• Read 10 more new books
• Prepare for and run a Ragnar

For Valerie:

• 4th Degree Black Belt
• Write The Seventh Guardian
• Compete at the State Taekwondo Championships
• Read 10 new books [I liked James's goal, so I copied it for myself]
• Learn to make sushi 

For both of us:

• Move to ___________ [We'll fill in the blank once we know where we're going for law school]
• Go skiing/snowboarding
• Family camping trip
• Teach Shadow to sit
• Go on 1 date per week
• Visit the temple monthly prior to the move, and at least once during the fall semester

We are excited about the coming year. While there promise to be some pretty major alterations to our lives, we look forward to the adventures and challenges ahead. In the meantime, we look forward to enjoying life with our little family!

Our Christmas Letter

Merry Christmas!

The biggest event of 2014 for our little family was the birth of Joel Riley Holley on April 15^th. He was born at home, a healthy 7lbs 12oz. He has grown so much since then! Now 8 months old, Joel's favorite activity is crawling around and getting into everything! He also enjoys pulling himself up to standing. He's still getting used to solid food, but loves peas and especially bananas. Joel is generally a very happy baby. He gets along very well with our sweet dog Shadow. Sometimes Joel pulls Shadow's fur, but Shadow usually repays him by licking his face (which we try to discourage!) 

 

James graduated from BYU this month, magna cum laude with a Bachelor's degree in Political Science, and a minor in Computer Science. He has done very well in school, but is definitely ready for a little break! He took the LSAT and got an excellent score, so has applied to several of the top 10 law schools. We should be hearing back in the next couple of months. It is very likely that we will be moving next summer for James's schooling, which will be quite an adventure!

Both of us continue to be busy at our taekwondo studio. Valerie cut back after the baby was born, but we each still teach about 5 hours a week, in addition to the classes that we attend ourselves. We love our work at the dojang, and enjoy seeing our students progress and grow. We also enjoy competing together, especially on our studio's demonstration team. We competed at several local tournaments this year (including one when Valerie was 8 months pregnant!). Valerie also had the opportunity to referee at several events, including the National Championships in San Jose during July. James and Joel got to spend some quality time together that week, and they did great—better than Mommy did away from her boys!

We are loving our beautiful house, and have made a couple of big improvements this year. In the spring, we renovated our back deck. It was in pretty rough shape when we bought the house, but now is quite lovely. Then this fall we hired Valerie's brother Kyle to tile our kitchen. He did an amazing job, and we absolutely love having the tile floor.

Our big adventure at the moment is preparing for Black Belt Testing, which will take place at the end of January. Valerie will be testing for her 4^th Degree and James for his 3^rd Degree. There's a lot of work that goes into it beforehand, and the test itself is going to be pretty intense! We're really looking forward to it.

Thank you for reading, and thank you especially for being a part of our lives. We love you very much! We hope that you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year!

Love,

The Holley Family

Christmas 2014

Kitchen Tile!

When we bought our house, James and I decided that we would do one big home improvement project each year. Our project this year was renovating our back deck. We were planning to tile our kitchen next year. However, with the prospect of moving (and some extra income thanks to a job James got as a research assistant at BYU) we decided to tile the kitchen now, so that we could enjoy it for awhile before we head to law school.

I am fortunate to have a brother with mad skills. My brother Kyle learned how to tile years ago; he tiled the basement kitchen at my parents house. So we hired him to do our kitchen. Best. Decision. Ever.

BEFORE

The linoleum

It was not in the best shape

Here you can see the weird gap that was left between the linoleum and the carpet of the living room, we presume from the removal of that section of the wall.

THE PROCESS

Kyle helped me shop for the tile

Kyle and James attempting to remove the linoleum

Laying cement board

First wave of tile

More tile!

Kristi supervising her husband

Kyle and our dad working on the tricky spots

The edges coming together

The grout was such a mess!

We pulled off the mouldings before laying the tile. With the baby and everything else (such as my own discomfort with such things) I haven't gotten around to getting them put back on and painted. My parents, wonderful people that they are, came over today and put up the mouldings and finishing touches. They are the best! And so I present:

THE FINAL PRODUCT

We are so happy with how our kitchen has turned out! It is beautiful and pleasant. Kyle did an amazing job! And we're so grateful to my parents for their help. Happy Holley house!

Crawling!

Joel has been on the verge of crawling for a couple of weeks now. He started taking little lurches on Wednesday/Thursday, and then, Friday, it just seemed to click! This weekend has been major exploring time for our Smush, who seems delighted with his newfound abilities.

He's definitely keeping me on my toes right now! We haven't yet baby-proofed the house. It's definitely time!!

My Adoption Story

November is National Adoption Month. Across the country, conversations and events are taking place to celebrate members of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children. Many also take the opportunity to educate and promote awareness.

An acquaintance of mine, adoptive mother Lindsey Redfern, posted yesterday on her blog to mark the start of National Adoption Month. Her blog post was entitled and themed, "Be Courageous" in regards to adoption. I was profoundly moved by her challenge.

Many of you know that I am adopted. I am very blessed to have a relationship with my birth father and his family.

What many of you might not know--and which takes all of my courage to post here--is that I am also a birth mother.

I will share that story below. But first I feel I need to explain why I am posting today. Being a birth mother is not something that I have been "public" about up to this point. It is not something that I am ashamed of; it is, in fact, a very special and tender part of my personal history. But I have had reasons, up to this point, to keep this part of my story a little more reserved.

Part of my hesitation has been that I work with children and teens. Being an example and a mentor is very much part of my job, and I am very passionate about being a good role model.

Part of it has been this sense of disassociation that has been growing over the past couple of years. The more time that passes, the less and less it seems real. Honestly, sometimes it feels like someone else's story. It only rarely feels relevant to my life now.

And part of my silence, I'll admit, has been fear. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons) and we commit to living the law of chastity, which is that we will have no sexual relations with anyone but our spouse. My fear of the judgment of others has stayed my tongue on many occasions. That, and the world in general is not always kind to birth parents. It has been easier at times to say nothing.

Be courageous, Lindsey wrote. Yes, I thought upon reading. It is time to share my story.

***

I was 18, and in my first year of college. I had been trained by my Mormon upbringing to seek a husband, basically as soon as possible. I dated a lot, and in my second semester I started going steady with a guy who lived the next floor down. Things got serious quickly. We were young, I was very naive, and as I indicated, I was absurdly eager to get married. I thought he was "the one." Things escalated, and I didn't know how to slow them down again.

One night. A few minutes, really. It wasn't very pleasant. And the results were devastating.

That one lapse of judgment and self-control wrought havoc upon my soul for months and years to follow. I immediately felt the departure of the Holy Ghost. I felt dirty...spoiled...used. Part of that is how I was taught to view extramarital sex, young as I was, and part of it was an honest spiritual response to my situation.

But the greater strain came two months later when I discovered that I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. Those few minutes--he described it as "not even a full round"--changed the course of my life.

My first instinct was to marry as quickly as possible. But shortly after I disclosed my pregnancy, my boyfriend dumped me. He claimed that he'd been planning to do so for awhile. I don't know whether that was true or not. I simply knew that I was single, heartbroken, and facing an unplanned pregnancy alone.

Abortion was never an option. When I considered single parenting, I quickly realized that I was not very well equipped to raise a child, and more importantly, that I wanted him to have a mother AND a father. Honestly, I think that being adopted myself swayed me toward choosing adoption for my baby. My parents are amazing and wonderful, and I have never doubted their love for me. When I was candid with myself, I saw that I simply could not provide for this baby the kind of life that I wanted any child of mine to have. I wasn't ready.

I was introduced to Jen & Joe through mutual friends, and quickly bonded with them. Figuring everything out was complicated (a story for another time, perhaps) but by Christmas time that year, we had settled that I would place my baby with them.

My pregnancy was an average one, physically, but on an emotional and spiritual level, it was torture. I felt like I had no support (even though I did, in fact, have many people who loved and cared about me, though I suspect they were sometimes uncertain how to handle my situation). I tried not to get too attached to the "little monkey" growing inside of me, but that was impossible. As my due date approached, I was both eager and terrified. Eager to be done with the discomforts of pregnancy, eager to be done with my spiritual probation, eager to be done with the disparaging looks in my singles ward, eager to move forward with my life. Terrified of parting with this little person I hadn't ever met, but whom I already loved so intensely.

I went into labor on my due date. Once I was sure it was happening, I called my parents and Jen & Joe, who all headed down to Cedar City, where I was in school. We spent the evening together playing board games at their hotel, until the wee hours of the morning, when I decided it was time to go to the hospital. My mom and Jen were with me in the delivery room. On the morning of February 20th, little Ian was born.

He was beautiful. I treasured every moment that I had with him. Friends came to visit us in the hospital throughout the day, but I spent most of my time just cradling the baby. The next day, after we were released, my parents took us back to their home in Orem, where I spent time with Ian. I am so glad that I took those three days. I know that many people (on my side and Jen & Joe's) were concerned that I wouldn't go through with it. But I needed that time.

On the 23rd, Jen & Joe came to my parents' home, along with our caseworkers. We exchanged gifts. Then we signed all the paperwork. I did it as quickly as I could. My heart was pounding the entire time. I changed his diaper one last time, and then I placed him in his mother's arms and said "see you later."

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope that it is the hardest thing I ever have to do, because it nearly broke me. I loved that baby so much while I carried him under my heart, and it only intensified once I held him in my arms. Knowing that I would not get to parent him, that I would not get to share in his life as his mother, broke my heart.

And yet, time has brought healing. Ian is now a happy and incredibly bright third grader, with two little brothers and so many people who love him. It was hard for me, for awhile. I ached for a long time. But I did move forward with my life. I finally was able to find spiritual healing. I finished college with honors. I have a career that I love. And though it took me longer than I ever thought it would back then, I got married to a man who loves and cherishes me more than I ever could have hoped for. My life is wonderful, and I have been so blessed.

I have never once regretted my decision to place Ian for adoption. I know, without a doubt, that it was the right thing for him, and the right thing for me. He has a loving family, with a mother AND a father, and all the things that I wasn't able to provide for at the time. And now I have my loving husband, and--at long last--a baby that I AM prepared to raise. I am lucky enough to have an open adoption with Ian and his family, so the love just continues and grows!

Eee! Family Photos!

Our friend Sam Hadlock of Shutter Shock Photography did a giveaway on Facebook last month, which gave us the opportunity to get family photos taken. We were so excited, and have been eagerly anticipating the results, which came today! Click on the Family Photos tab above (or click here) to check out our favorites!!

A Treatise on Faith

Today I have been thinking about faith.

It started this morning at church. During my Relief Society meeting, we discussed Elder L. Tom Perry's talk, "Obedience through Our Faithfulness" from the April session of general conference. There are many great parts to Elder Perry's message. But I was especially struck by his thoughts on faith. He reminded us of Abraham, who was asked by the Lord to sacrifice his young son Isaac, for whom he and his wife Sarah had waited and so earnestly desired. Then Elder Perry said,

I still do not believe I fully comprehend Abraham’s faithfulness and obedience. Perhaps I can imagine him faithfully packing up to leave early one morning, but how did he take all those steps alongside his son Isaac over the three-day journey to the base of Mount Moriah? How did they carry the wood for the fire up the mountain? How did he build the altar? How did he bind Isaac and lay him on the altar? How did he explain to him that he would be the sacrifice? And how did he have the strength to lift the knife to slay his son? Abraham’s faith empowered him to follow God’s lead with exactness up until the miraculous moment when an angel called out from heaven, announcing to Abraham that he had passed his agonizing test. And then the angel of the Lord repeated the promise of the Abrahamic covenant.

I recognize that the challenges associated with having faith in Jesus Christ and obedience will be more difficult for some than others... Each of us is a son or daughter of God, and we have a unique premortal and mortal story. Accordingly, there are very few one-size-fits-all solutions. And so I fully recognize the trial-and-error nature of life and, most importantly, the constant need of [faith].

I have contemplated the story of Abraham, Sarah and Isaac before, but it hit me in a particularly poignant way this afternoon. First, I was struck by the thought of Sarah. Hebrews 11:11 says, "Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised."

The example of Sarah is most inspiring: her faith in the promise which she and her husband had received--her faith in the Lord who had given the promise--was surely tested in the many years that passed before she bore Isaac. I have not had to struggle with infertility, but I still identify with Sarah's longing for a child. I married at the age of 26; while the modern world would judge this as younger than average, in the Utah-Mormon culture, it is quite a bit older than the "norm." By the time James and I started dating, all of my close friends were already married, and most of them had a child (or three). It was hard, during those years, to not be married, when that was what I felt was expected of me, and more importantly, when that was what I so desperately wanted! I wanted to be married; I wanted children of my own. That said, I believe that having my little Joel brought me even more joy because of the time I spent in longing.

Which brings me to Abraham. Having Joel gives me a whole new perspective on what has always been an overwhelming idea. I cannot imagine being asked to sacrifice my own son. I cannot fathom the faith that it took for Abraham to obey the Lord's command. His trust in the Lord must have been absolute.

In comparison, I find myself so weak. I struggle with the little things that God has asked of me: reading my scriptures (let alone feasting upon them), daily prayers, service to my fellow men. If these simple things are a challenge, how could I hope to obey if the Lord commanded something greater of me?

During Relief Society, our teacher broke us into groups for discussion. My group was given the quote shown above, and then were asked to discuss times in our lives when we have had to exercise faith. My group began to discuss; one of the sisters immediately shared a personal story which indeed illustrated great faith on her part.

I struggled, in that moment, with what to say. There certainly have been moments in my life when I have had to exercise faith. But they felt so paltry just then. My past examples felt so weak! So irrelevant to my life right now. And that's when I received an impression: I am exercising faith right now.

My faith helps me to go to church each week, when it is often so hard for me.
I am faithful when I say little prayers in my mind on behalf of my son.
I exercise faith as I prepare for the future with my husband, facing so much uncertainty.

It was a moment of clarity for me. As I have pondered throughout the day, I have come to realize that faith isn't a matter of size. "Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). The Apostle Paul also called faith "the substance of things hoped for" (Hebrews 11:1).

I love the use of the word "hope." I hope that God knows me, and loves me. I hope that I can find a solution to Joel being underweight, and that he will grow and be healthy. I hope that James will be get scholarships for law school, and that we'll find a good home, and that I won't be wretchedly lonely, and that we'll all be safe and happy wherever it is that we end up.

But there is a little more to it. Because, after all, "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also" (James 2:26). It is this quote from Elder Perry that has stuck with me all day:

Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice.

My great realization of the day is this: the weakness that I felt earlier when I considered my faith was in fact a sense of my own passiveness. My faith is not weak. But I need to strengthen my works. I need to be more proactive in my obedience to God's will. Through doing so, I can receive the blessings of eternal life, promised by Elder Perry and so many other prophets throughout time. And what a wonderful promise it is!

If you made it this far, I congratulate you, and I thank you for reading. May God bless you and may His spirit be with you always.

Love,
Valerie

6 months

My baby is 6 months old today. It's a little crazy to think about. On the one hand, I feel like he was just born last month. But sometimes I can't seem to remember life without him--like I've always known him and loved him. 

A few weeks old

Here is our 6-month status update:

Sleep. Joel hasn't really settled. His bedtime and wake-up time are pretty consistent. He goes to bed around 8:30pm and gets up for the day around 8:30am. But the hours in between are often a tossup. We went a few weeks where he was only getting up once a night--which was fantastic. But lately he's been getting up more often. (I suspect a growth spurt.) I have often had to deal with less-than-preferable amounts of sleep. But before now, I've never had to deal with interrupted sleep. My body is still adjusting, and it can be exhausting!

1 month

Eating. Joel is a fantastic eater. He nurses quickly and efficiently. For awhile right at first we dealt with some acid reflux, but we haven't had any trouble for several months. Now we're looking forward to trying solid foods! We've tried a couple of things, and Joel has not been at all interested--in fact, this afternoon we tried some avocado, and he was flat out revolted. Check out the video on Instagram.

2 months

Rolling Over. Joel started rolling over when he was about 3 1/2 months old, from back to tummy. He got the hang of that really well. But he never seemed bothered to learn to roll the other way! I've caught him rolling from tummy to back a handful of times, but he still doesn't do it consistently. I suspect he'll be crawling first!

3 months

Sitting Up. He is a champion sitter, and has been for over a month now. It was kind of like he just decided to do it one day, and suddenly he could. He loves it so much that he won't really lay down anymore without fussing.

4 months

Teeth! Joel's been drooling like a monster for ages, but only in the last week or so have we had any progress--and now he's got two little bottom teeth coming in! I love showing them off.

5 months

Needy phase. He is definitely very attached to me and James! He's a very social baby in general, and loves to interact with people. At the moment, if someone (preferably mom or dad) isn't paying attention to him or holding him, he gets rather fussy. Silly kid.

6 months old!

So. Much. Cuteness. There are so many happy moments with this baby. The moments when Joel smiles, and just melts my heart. The moments when someone else is holding him, but he turns and reaches out to me, demanding to be passed to me. The moments when he is tired, and snuggles sleepily into my neck. Sometimes I feel like my heart is just going to burst with how much I love this tiny person.

Life is so much better with my little Smush in it. He brings me so much joy! Even with all the challenges, I absolutely love being a mom. Life is great!

Future: Pending

James is scheduled to take the LSAT for the second time at the end of this month. He took the test for the first time in June. We had high hopes for his score, and were very surprised at the score he received, which was several points lower that he'd been anticipating. Much to his chagrin, James learned later that he had missed 2 full pages of questions. He thought he had been at the end of the section, and simply didn't turn the page. If he had answered those questions correctly, his score would have been significantly higher.

At that point, James seriously considered just taking the score he got. We had been looking at BYU's law school as our main option, and the score he got on the first LSAT definitely would have sufficed for applying to BYU. Plus, preparing to take an LSAT is a lot of work! But I pressured him to take the test again. If he could get a higher score, I felt that he should do so. It would open a lot more doors, and hopefully increase our chances at scholarship money.

Somewhat reluctantly, James agreed to take the test again, at the end of September. To prepare, he has been taking practice tests twice a week. And he has been scoring well--remarkably well. The scores that he's been getting on the practice tests would basically mean that James could get into any law school in the country. After getting a handful of these high scores (all of them higher than what we'd even hoped he would get the first time around), James started seriously considering the possibility of going to a Top 14 school instead of staying at BYU.

We've spent the summer daydreaming about law school. We spent a family home evening comparing the pros and cons of different schools, to narrow down which ones James will apply to. (We compared everything we could think of: tuition, program ranking, likelihood of scholarships, cost of living, crime rates, distance from a temple, and more...)

It all hinges on this LSAT. At this level, the difference in a single point influences James's likelihood of acceptance and how much scholarship money he can get. And with tuition upward of $50,000 a year at the Top 14 law schools, the amount of scholarship money he gets will make a huge difference for us.

Of course, James will still be applying to BYU. But it's definitely become the 'back up' school, and not the top choice like it once was. My James is ambitious (a trait that I value highly!) and with the possibility before him of attending a top-tier school, attending BYU seems like settling for less than his potential.

The idea of moving across the country is both terrifying and electrifying. On the one hand, it seems like a grand adventure! So many new experiences to have, new people to meet, new things to see and do. But on the other hand, I am heartbroken at the thought of leaving my family, our friends, our beautiful home, and our taekwondo school that is such an intrinsic part of our lives. I am worried about moving somewhere with no built-in support system, like I have here. That part of me wishes that we could stay here! But then I ask, is that in the best interest of my husband and our family? So many questions that have no immediate answer.

So for the next few months, our future is pending. First we have to get James's next LSAT score. Then get through applications, which is an adventure and a half. And then...the wait. That will be the worst part, I think! Waiting for acceptances, and then trying to navigate getting scholarship money--we hope! And then I suspect it will all come down to fervent prayer as we seek the Lord's guidance on where He would have us go. And so, for now, we prepare and we wait.

Weekend play

We've had a couple of eventful weekends! Last weekend, we had plans to go camping with Patrick & Shaylee (James's brother and his wife). It turned out to be something of a catastrophe! First of all, we weren't able to get a campsite. There was a snafu with trying to reserve one, and by the time we all got off work, all the first-come-first-served sites were taken. So, we ended up camping in our backyard: "Camp Holley."

As we were getting set up, however, James and Patrick discovered that their tent (borrowed from Shaylee's parents) was broken. Guh. Fortunately I was able to zip over to my parents house and borrow one of their tents. Meanwhile, Shaylee was working on dinner, which unfortunately was taking forever--we discovered that the fuel on my campstove was running low, which was why things weren't cooking. However, it was getting pretty late by the time we got it all figured out--about the time that the boys finally finished putting up the tent, after a couple of tries. So, it was about 10pm by the time we ate!

Shaylee had made homemade fries to go with the burgers that James and I made. When she finished with the fries, we needed the campstove, but her pan of grease/oil was still hot. So she laid the pan down on the patio to cool while we continued making dinner, intending to dispose of the grease once it was cool. But after dinner, we went straight into our campfire--the one truly pleasant part of the evening. We roasted s'mores and Starbursts and watched birds (we think) flying back and forth in front of the stars.

James and I had already settled down in our tent when we heard Patrick and Shaylee rustling about for awhile--dealing with their belongings, I thought at the time. But the reality was a sad state indeed. It turns out that Shadow had consumed most of the pan of grease, and proceeded to vomit several times in the house, as well as in Patrick and Shaylee's tent. They hadn't noticed when they first went in and it got everywhere. It was awful, James and I were so embarrassed. After they got cleaned up, we got them settled in our guest bedroom for the night.

Needless to say, our "camping trip" did not turn out at all as planned. The next morning, we dropped the pretense of camping, and determined to just enjoy the rest of our time together. We had breakfast, played games, and hung out most of the afternoon, which was a much more pleasant experience than the evening's adventures!

Sunday evening, we had decided to make our first attempt at Chicken Bryan, our favorite dish from Carrabba's. We get the same thing every time we go. So we decided to try to make it ourselves! (And so maybe we can try other things when we go next time.) It turned into a very special evening for us. We got all dressed up. We ate from our wedding china and silver, with candlelight. And to our delight, our chicken bryan was delicious!

This past weekend started off with a trip to the Call's new house. A few days ago, I posted a plea on Facebook--James and I have wanted to go swimming all summer, but it just hasn't happened. We finally made some time, but lo and behold, it turns out that the pools have limited their hours because school's in session, and we wouldn't be able to go. Fortunately, we have awesome friends! The Calls were very kind and invited us to their house to swim. Their pool is warm enough that Joel got to give it a try! He was not a fan of the life jacket, as you can see, but once we took it off and just held him in the water, he enjoyed splashing for a few minutes.

After classes on Friday, we got to visit with our friends the Estradas. It's been AGES since we've all hung out, since before Joel was born, in fact. We had a blast playing games and whatnot. But one of the best parts of the evenings was watching our babies interact! Savannah is 2 1/2 months older than Joel (though he's bigger!) and just on the verge of crawling. They were so cute together!

Saturday was a day that James and I have been eagerly anticipating. We had tickets to the national tour of WICKED, playing up in Salt Lake. We were so excited to see it! Of course, there was some nervousness attached--we had a babysitter (non-family) for the first time. I was a little anxious about it, but everything turned out great. The show was amazing, and we came home to a happy baby.

It's just nice sometimes to have a great weekend. =) That's all!

Why I am grateful to be breastfeeding

Today I am feeling incredibly grateful. Breastfeeding can be an awfully taboo subject, and I was feeling nervous about posting my thoughts. But the reasons that I am grateful have nothing to do with bragging or with flaunting my breasts (which I think is a bizarre attitude about breastfeeding, regardless).

Breastfeeding is really hard sometimes. It can be painful. It is hard to feel chained to the baby, with a 2-hour timer always counting down. It's tiring, especially at night, to be the only one who can feed him. I don't have many close friends who have breastfed their babies, so I have at times felt isolated, and I have had to figure out some things on my own. The hardest was figuring out how to breastfeed in public, especially when it got warm and Joel started refusing to eat under a cover. I've had to adjust, learn, and acclimate.

Still, with all the challenges, I have come to love and appreciate breastfeeding. So today I simply wanted to share, without any criticism of others, why breastfeeding makes me personally feel so blessed:

1. It's convenient.

I am so grateful that I do not have to deal with the hassle of bottles, formula, temperature, sterilizing, etc. While I recognize that they are necessary for many families, and I respect the women who make that choice for whatever reason, I am grateful that I don't have to mess with it. I carry my baby's food with me, at the perfect temperature, ready whenever he needs it. It's pretty amazing!

2. It's cheap.

I actually had no idea how much formula cost until a few weeks ago. I never looked into it, because I was always planning to nurse my baby. Formula is a racket! Holy cow! My only investments for breastfeeding were a couple of nursing bras, some nursing garment tops, nursing pads, and a nursing pillow--and even that was an indulgence. I am so grateful that we don't have to bear that particular financial burden.

3. It's good for Joel.

I know that formula has come a long way and I don't mean to criticize anyone who bottle-feeds. But there is no denying that breastmilk is very good for babies. I am grateful that I am physically able to breastfeed, because it helps me know that Joel is getting good nutrition. I am grateful that I don't have to worry about his weight or his health. I know that he is getting what he needs, and I definitely count that as a blessing.

4. I love spending that time with Joel.

I'll admit, as I stated before, that sometimes breastfeeding is a pain. But it's totally worth it. I love the bonding time I get to have with Joel. He's gotten into this adorable habit of pulling off periodically to smile at me, before hungrily latching back on for more. My most tender motherly feelings always come while Joel nurses. It is so sweet, so precious. I know that mothers who bottle-feed have wonderful bonding experiences just as much as I do. But I am grateful that breastfeeding opens up those opportunities for me and my son.


I don't think there needs to be shame in ANY way a mother feeds her child. Breastfeeding has its criticisms, as does bottle feeding. It's all nonsense. Mothers who love their babies, who do everything in their power to make sure their babies are fed, clean and happy, are all rockstars. Though my gratitude today was particularly focused on breastfeeding, mostly I'm just grateful and glad to be a mother. It's hard, it's exhausting, and it's totally awesome!

Black Belt Overnighter

At our Taekwondo studio, we have a 6-month preparatory period preceding our annual black belt test, which takes place in January. We call it the "testing cycle" and each year we kickoff the cycle with the Black Belt Overnighter.

I've had the opportunity attend the Overnighter many times, both as a coach and as a testing candidate. Though we do generally the same things each time, I thought this year was especially enjoyable! That's partially because I'm a candidate this year (I always find it more fun to be testing, personally!) and partially because I'm testing with James! (James is testing for his 3rd Degree, and I'm testing for 4th.)

We started at 2:00pm last Friday afternoon. After a brief welcome from our master instructor, Master Sorenson, we launched right into our conditioning requirements. For our black belt test, we have six endurance drills that we are required to perform:

1. Roundhouse Kicks in 1 minute.  (100 minimum)
2. Knuckle pushups without pause. (10 minimum)
3. Banana [lay flat on the floor, lift feet, shoulder blades and arms ~6 inches off the floor] (60 seconds minimum)
4. Buddha [squat with thighs parallel to the floor] (60 seconds minimum)
5. Leg lifts in 1 minute. [laying on floor, lift straight legs vertical and back] (20 minimum)
6. Mile run (12 minute maximum)

I was anxious about meeting the conditioning requirements. Though the minimum requirements are not overly challenging (we set a base at the Overnighter, and then have to beat our scores about once a month until Black Belt Testing), my overall fitness is still recovering from having a baby three months ago. So, overall, I was fairly pleased with what I achieved at the Overnighter:

Roundhouse Kicks in 1 minute: I got 127 (James got 137)
Knuckle pushups: I got 21 (James got 40)
Banana: I got 1:05, which was the top time of our group (James 1:04)
Buddha: I got :54, so not quite the minimum required. (James got 1:44, the top time)
Leg lifts: I got 28 (James 34)
Mile run: I ran in 11:41 (James 7:25)

This gave us a baseline to work from. I'm excited to see how much I can progress as my body continues to recover, and I work hard over the next six months!

After the conditioning requirements, we did some housekeeping things, then I got to give a presentation on Meditation, to help everyone prepare for our meditation the following day (more on that below). I thought the presentation went well, though it's hard to tell how much the young guys absorbed. (Our youngest candidates this year are 10 years old.)

From there we went to the ropes course! This is always a highlight of the overnighter. We go to CLAS Ropes in Provo and do the high ropes. Not only is it a blast, but it also serves as a metaphor for overcoming fears/challenges, and working as a team.

James climbing to new heights!

Valerie on the zipline

Joel hanging out at the ropes course

This year, I got to do the giant swing, the zipline, and we all finished with an activity called Eskimo Blanket (see the video!)

We left the ropes course at 9pm and headed back the studio. I settled Joel down for the night, then we stayed up playing games for awhile (I continued my personal tradition of teaching everyone to play Blackjack). James and I went to bed around 1am, but some of the kids stayed up until 3 or so.

Master Page woke us all at 5am. We grabbed a "trail breakfast" and headed up Provo Canyon for our traditional sunrise hike to Stewart Falls. I wore Joel on the way up to the falls, which wasn't too bad, except for a couple of rocky bits where my balance was questionable. Once there, we each crossed under the waterfall in a metaphor of becoming a black belt. Then we settled down to meditate. The kids testing for 1st degree meditated for half an hour, 2nd degree for an hour, James for an hour and a half, and I got to meditate for two hours. The first hour or so wasn't super productive for me, because of the baby. (Note to self: leave babies behind for future meditations!) But he fell asleep in my arms, which thankfully allowed me to get into the mode. Once James was done, he came and stole the baby, and hiked down with Joel while I finished.

No, not sleeping. James eases his back during his one-and-a-half hour meditation.

Stewart Falls

Valerie during meditation

After the hike, we headed back to the studio, had brunch, then started working on our self defense demonstrations. James and I are super excited about our SD demo this year, not least because we get to be on a team together (with Mara and Molly!) These demos are one of the best parts of Black Belt Testing, and definitely the part that I have learned the most from, in the past.

And that was it! It was a great kickoff for testing. James and I are totally stoked to be testing together, and look forward to this exciting journey we have before us!

Summer Happenings

It's been a busy summer so far, and whenever I think it's going to slow down for awhile, more things come along to keep us hopping!

The summer kicked off with Joel's baby blessing on June 1st. We finished our deck project just in time to have our family and friends over after the blessing. It was a beautiful day! The blessing that James gave to our son was perfect. And it was a delight to have so many loved ones join us at our home.

The second week in June, we went camping with my parents and cousin Ben. We went to Payson Lake. My parents have a canoe, and we all enjoyed paddling around the lake (except maybe Shadow). We played games at the campground, and enjoyed being outdoors. Baby J did awesome. We took his pack 'n play, which fit remarkably well in our tent, and his little swing for him to hang out in. It was a blast!

The week after that was perhaps the most stressful of the summer thus far. At our taekwondo studio, we have a daycamp each summer where students can earn their next belt in a week (Belt Jump Camp). It falls the same week as our regular Color Belt Testing, which takes place in the evenings during that week. But this year, these took place the same week as the Utah Summer Games, a tournament down in Cedar City. That meant that in addition to everything else we were doing, we had an additional 6 hours of demo team practice that week. We were at the studio 10+ hours almost every day leading up to the tournament, and then headed straight down to Cedar City for the event--where we were busy the entire time. Poor Joel didn't get to see much of his parents that week, though he made lots of new friends!

Then it was our "week off"--from the studio, at least. James started Summer Term that week, so he didn't really get a break at all. I keep busy too, with meetings with my coauthor and editor about our third book, with cleaning our poor neglected house, and with prep for the following week. That weekend, James ran in the Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay with his father, brother Matthew, and the rest of the "Ragnar Ruh Roh" team. James was totally beat by the end of it, but had a great time. He's trying to talk me into doing it with him next year!

James and I took on a big responsibility this year of planning our studio's Leadership Conference. We took our Leadership Team to Bear Lake, where in addition to camping, swimming, and playing, they received 8+ hours of instruction on a variety of leadership and life skills. We had a great time, and learned a lot.

We had a day at home, during which we celebrated Independence Day (James almost set our fence on fire with a stray firework) before I took off to San Jose, California for the USA Taekwondo National Championships, where I worked as a referee for three days. I'll admit, I had a really hard time leaving James & Joel. (And trying to pump while refereeing was nightmarish.) But I also had a great time refereeing. I got to meet new people, see old friends, and see some excellent martial arts. 

James did great with the baby while I was gone. Though he does say that he appreciates me more, he kept up very well--he took care of the baby and the dog, watered the plants, did the laundry, bathed the baby, and kept up with his homework. He said it was "excellent father-son bonding time."

 

And here we are! We have lots more fun things planned for the summer, including some more camping, a family reunion, play tickets, and our Black Belt Overnighter that will launch us into our testing cycle for my 4th and James's 3rd degree Black Belts, which we'll be testing for in January. We're looking forward to having a great time!