Black Belt Testing Perspectives

Black Belt Testing is a huge deal at our studio. (As it is at most martial arts schools, I'm sure.) We hold BBT once a year, in January, and it is a very cumulative event. Though each of the Black Belt Candidates spend years training in preparation, the final six months prior to BBT is when the focus really narrows, and as things ramp up to January, things can get really intense.

We have an extensive curriculum. There are requirements for forms, kicks, kicking combinations, self defense, conditioning, board breaking, leadership, Korean terminology, service hours, a written report, meditation, sparring (or other specialty for higher ranks) and attendance in classes. Each candidate is required to pass off every item of curriculum prior to testing--and in order to pass off, they are held to a certain standard, which while individual to each student, is nonetheless quite high based on our personal assessment of their capabilities.

I've been teaching taekwondo for four and a half years, and each year at Black Belt Testing, I find myself a little overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. This year was particularly sentimental for me.

The spread of candidates varies from year to year. Sometimes we have lots of "black recs" (ie 1st Gup, or Black Belt Recommended, those testing for their 1st degree) whereas sometimes we have a balance between black recs and black belts testing for higher degrees. Sometimes we have lots of adults, sometimes lots of kids, sometimes a balance.

This year we had three candidates for 4th degree and fifteen candidates for 1st degree. It was an interesting dichotomy. There were a fair number of teens and adults. But 10 of the candidates were in my childrens class, the most I've ever had at once. It presented some challenges at times! Trying to pass off curriculum for that many black recs, while still teaching the rest of the color belts in the class, has been a bit of a balancing act for the past six months. But I also feel like I have had more influence over this group of testers than I have ever had before, which has been fun in many ways.

I'll admit that this was a particularly special group, for me personally. Though I have a tender spot for each of my students, in this group of black recs I had several who "grew up" with me. It's the first Black Belt Testing where I've had students test for whom I have been their head instructor during every rank from white belt to black belt. These kids, whom I have taught from their most tender beginnings in martial arts, are particularly precious to me.

It's not just about teaching them to kick and punch, and it never has been, for me. There is so much more to be gained. For me, it's about showing kids that they are capable of anything that they are willing to work for. My goal is to teach each child that I work with confidence, belief in him- or herself, and to inspire a fiery determination within them to achieve their best. My goal is to push them beyond what is comfortable, and to show them my unwavering belief in their ability to do the so-called impossible.

I invest a lot in these kids. Even beyond my time, I put stock in them emotionally. I try to show every kid that I teach that they matter, that I care about them. Over time, it grows. So for this group of boys, whom I have worked with for years, whom I have invested in across every step of their black belt journey, I have a most profound affection. Put simply, I really love these kids.

I have seen them sweat (in many instances, I have been the cause of them doing so). I have seen most of them bruised or bleeding. I have seen several of them cry, whether from pain, or being overwhelmed or frustrated, or from strong emotion.

I have watched them grow. Their martial arts technique has refined and strengthened. I have watched them mature, learn to take responsibility for themselves, and step up to hard things. I have watched each of them face failure, and overcome it to achieve later success. I have watched several of them become leaders, reaching out to help others though there was no requirement to do so. I have watched all of them gain confidence and self assurance. They have grown, each of them, from little boys who were excited to be ninjas, into young men for whom there are no limits.

Last night, as I watched each of "my kids" step up to receive their black belt, I swelled with pride. Seeing their elation at this event, the culmination of all their efforts, was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. I am so happy for them, and to be honest, I can't wait to do it all over again with those who are coming next.

Pondering Service

I've been thinking about service lately. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, service to others has been a foundational principle I've heard about throughout my life. We are taught that charity is an attribute of Christ, and we seek to be like Him.

Service isn't something that comes automatically to me. I've known a handful of people in my life for whom charity seemed to be second nature. I've always admired those people, but for me, service is something I have to consciously think about--and something that all too often gets neglected in my life.

My visiting teachers came over this morning. (I have awesome visiting teachers right now, by the way. Love them.) We spent most of our time chatting, and for my part, enjoying the sight of my dog playing with my VT's young sons. At any rate, before they left, they shared a brief spiritual message with me. The main topic was about emulating Jesus Christ. But the part that stuck with me surrounds this quote by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

"You wonderful sisters render compassionate service to others for reasons that supersede desires for personal benefits. In this you emulate the Savior … His thoughts were always tuned to help others.”

My biggest hangup is that I struggle figuring out how to serve. There have been a couple of moments in the past few weeks where I have felt an impulse to serve someone, but have been at a complete loss of how to go about it, and have proceeded to do nothing at all.

I think this was one of the Savior's truest gifts: he knew how to serve, and he did so without any thought to himself.

Now, I'm not totally hopeless. I fulfill my church callings gladly. I serve at my job, working each and every day to improve the lives of my students. I try to serve my husband and my family. But there is a part of me, especially of late, that craves more. My soul quietly nudges me. I long to find meaningful, selfless ways to lift up those around me, particularly those whom I sense are in need.

For instance: I have a dear friend who always seems to be struggling with something. Her husband was abusive. Fortunately he's no longer in the picture, but this means she is a single mother to three boys. Two years ago, their house burned down. They lost all of their belongings. Now she's struggling with foreclosure. Not to mention she's been having seizures and heart problems, so that's decreased her ability to work and medical bills are racking up. But this woman is so humble and so stubborn that she does not ask for help--she hardly even talks about the issues she is having, no matter how dire they seem to me.

So, this friend has been on my mind for awhile, but I haven't known how to help, so I have done nothing. And then yesterday, a mutual friend posted on Facebook--she's having a fundraiser, without our friend's knowledge, to help make a difference in the lives of our friend and her children. Brilliant, I thought. I wish I had come up with it!

How do you decide how to serve? Especially when you see someone who truly needs help, but who does not ask for aid? What acts of service have made a difference in your life? I crave your thoughts, my friends! I do not want to be stuck in nothing-land any more. I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of those who need help, whether a little or a lot.

I hate buying new bras

I hate buying new bras. The entire experience from start to finish is horrendous, and it gives me honest-to-goodness anxiety.

First of all, you have to go through the sizing nightmare, which is usually depressing. ("I'm a size what?") If you do the sizing yourself, you probably give yourself a headache trying to get the measurements right (bra sizing systems are bizarre to me). If you have someone professionally size you, at least you know you're getting the correct size, but you also have to face the embarrassment/discomfort of having someone else size your breasts. Even if you have the most professional helper in the world (ie someone who doesn't make you feel judged for being whatever size you are, and/or someone who doesn't make you feel like you're being accidentally or purposefully groped in the process) you still are having a stranger loop a measuring tape around the girls and call out just how small or large they are. Maybe there are women who don't have any qualms about this, but I am not one of them.

Then, once you've determined what size you are supposed to be wearing, you have to go through and try things on. Usually, trying on bras makes me feel like an alien in my own skin. This may not be as nightmarish for women with smaller breasts, but for me, every bra fits differently, and in this case, "different" is not fresh and wonderful. Feeling my boobs go up higher, down lower, in more, out more, flatter, perkier, smooshed closer together or held farther apart...well, it makes me crazy. After a few bras, I no longer have any idea what my boobs are supposed to feel like, and everything feels wrong. Because my bra-shopping trips usually come under the dire straits of I-NEED-A-NEW-BRA-SO-BAD-THAT-UNDER-NO-CONDITIONS-CAN-I-GO-HOME-WITHOUT-ONE, I eventually settle on whichever bra feels the least weird, and make my reluctant purchase.

Of course, the worst part (in my opinion) is taking a new bra home. Because then you put it on, and almost immediately regret having purchased the thing, because your boobs feel all wrong. You wiggle, you adjust the straps, you shift the girls around, you put a shirt on, take it back off and do it all over again in the hopes of making it feel right. But it doesn't feel right. It doesn't fit like the old bra did, and even though you know (you hope) that this new bra is better (because you wouldn't have bought the new bra unless you really, really needed it) you just don't feel right. That's usually when I break down in tears, because I just spent all this money on a bra that clearly makes me look like an alien (even though it doesn't).

I've been wearing the same style of bra, up or down in size, for the past 7 or 8 years. And I would have contentedly gone on buying the same bra for the foreseeable future, except that then came a baby, and the same old bra won't work--first of all, because I've gotten larger, but second, because breastfeeding is in my future. And so I faced the bra shopping nightmare, accompanied by my sweet husband, who made it slightly more bearable, though I did end up in tears shortly after arriving home. I suppose that such is the life of the female, but I don't think I will ever stop hating this particular necessity.

New Year's at The Holley House

Happy New Year from our Holley House!

For the last several years (since...2010, I think?) I have created a New Year's poster filled with goals and aspirations for the year. My roommate of the time was the one who started it, but it's been something I've really enjoyed, so I've created my own posters every year since. The poster-project has a couple of rules:

1. The goals must be achievable within the calendar year.
2. The goals must be measurable. (Nothing vague.)

Last year, James and I created a poster together, and I rather liked how it turned out, though several of our goals fell by the wayside (like every year). We put James's goals on one side, mine on the other, and "family" goals in the middle. You'll see that we also added one "Surprise!" that had been intended for the following year. Behold:

New Year's goals from 2013

James's Goals:
-Earn 2nd Dan (check)
-Receive sport poomsae certification
-Attend non-classical concert (check)

-Nail a 540 ° kick

-Compete at Nationals in sport poomsae (check)

-Get a 4.0 semester (check)

Valerie's Goals:

-Two Prelims (check and check)

-Referee at Nationals (check)

-Learn a Back Walkover

-Rock Concert (half check...does the Piano Guys count?)

-Write "The Seventh Guardian" (sigh...in progress)

-Learn Spanish

Family Goals:

-Get Married! (check)

-Get pregnant (check)

-Caribbean cruise (check)

-Buy a house (check...though not one of the original goals!)

-Go to Broadway (check)

-Compete on Demo Team at Nationals (check)

-Go on a date every week (complete with 52 tick marks...each one: check!)

-Attend the temple at least once a month (check x12)

We feel pretty good about our family goals! As for the individual goals, there are things that were out of our control (James's sport poomsae certification, for instance. We were planning to attend the sport poomsae training at Nationals...which ended up not being provided. Lame sauce.) Some things (like my back walkover) just got neglected. But overall, it was a busy and productive year for us.

As we approached making our poster for 2014, we wanted to select goals that meet the rules (achievablility and measurability), that seem realistic for us, but which will still challenge us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Presenting, the Holley family goals for 2014:

James's Goals:
-Graduate from BYU magna cum laude
-Read 10 new books (complete with 10 tick marks)
-Get down to 175lbs
-Learn how to do a popup
-Teach Baby J at least one ASL sign
-Get at least a 168 on the LSAT

Valerie's Goals
-Referee at Nationals
-B-2 certification
-Write "The Seventh Guardian"
-Return to pre-baby weight
-Compete at USG (Utah Summer Games)
-Learn to do a Back Walkover

Family Goals
-Have a baby (yes, we know it's inevitable at this point)
-Family Camping Trip (we define this as a trip including both Baby J and Shadow)
-Start preparing for Black Belt Testing
-Take Baby J to the Zoo
-Plant a fruit tree
-Go on a date every week (complete with 52 tick marks)
-Go to the temple at least once a month, with the additional goal of at least one of these trips being to the Brigham City Temple.


2014 is going to be a big year for us! Of course, the biggest event is the upcoming birth of our firstborn, for which we could not be more excited. We'll have to see how all our goals balance out with having a baby. Still, we feel that all of these goals are doable in the coming year. And we are excited by the challenge! Bring it on 2014!