NICU Day 2

Wednesday morning James and I went to the hospital. To our relief and joy, Xander was no longer under the oxy hood. It had been replaced by a nose cannula for his oxygen. But this meant we could hold him, and I was able to breastfeed. It was such a relief to snuggle with our chunky monkey!

Unfortunately, because of his continuing need for oxygen support, we learned that he would indeed be staying for at least a week. The main purpose of the week was to run a full course of antibiotics. It was disheartening to hear Xander would be staying so long, when we'd hoped to take him home the next day. But of course his health was most important!

Wednesday afternoon I brought my mother to the hospital to visit. She was sure a happy grandma! I have to say, my mother has been our saving grace this week. With her here to watch Joel, James and I have been able to spend most of our time at the hospital with Xander. While it's certainly been hard to be away from Joel so much, at least he's got Grandma doting on him at home, which I think has mitigated some of the hardship for him.

That night was an adventure. I was given a sleeping room in the NICU. I had made a feeding plan with the nurses, to breastfeed Xander every three hours. So I set alarms on my phone, and every three hours that night, I got up, shuffled through the hallways to Xander's pod, and fed my baby. I wouldn't have had it any other way, though by the 5am feeding, I definitely felt like a zombie. I continued to pump periodically, so that Xander would have milk for when I wasn't there.

6 months

My baby is 6 months old today. It's a little crazy to think about. On the one hand, I feel like he was just born last month. But sometimes I can't seem to remember life without him--like I've always known him and loved him. 

A few weeks old

Here is our 6-month status update:

Sleep. Joel hasn't really settled. His bedtime and wake-up time are pretty consistent. He goes to bed around 8:30pm and gets up for the day around 8:30am. But the hours in between are often a tossup. We went a few weeks where he was only getting up once a night--which was fantastic. But lately he's been getting up more often. (I suspect a growth spurt.) I have often had to deal with less-than-preferable amounts of sleep. But before now, I've never had to deal with interrupted sleep. My body is still adjusting, and it can be exhausting!

1 month

Eating. Joel is a fantastic eater. He nurses quickly and efficiently. For awhile right at first we dealt with some acid reflux, but we haven't had any trouble for several months. Now we're looking forward to trying solid foods! We've tried a couple of things, and Joel has not been at all interested--in fact, this afternoon we tried some avocado, and he was flat out revolted. Check out the video on Instagram.

2 months

Rolling Over. Joel started rolling over when he was about 3 1/2 months old, from back to tummy. He got the hang of that really well. But he never seemed bothered to learn to roll the other way! I've caught him rolling from tummy to back a handful of times, but he still doesn't do it consistently. I suspect he'll be crawling first!

3 months

Sitting Up. He is a champion sitter, and has been for over a month now. It was kind of like he just decided to do it one day, and suddenly he could. He loves it so much that he won't really lay down anymore without fussing.

4 months

Teeth! Joel's been drooling like a monster for ages, but only in the last week or so have we had any progress--and now he's got two little bottom teeth coming in! I love showing them off.

5 months

Needy phase. He is definitely very attached to me and James! He's a very social baby in general, and loves to interact with people. At the moment, if someone (preferably mom or dad) isn't paying attention to him or holding him, he gets rather fussy. Silly kid.

6 months old!

So. Much. Cuteness. There are so many happy moments with this baby. The moments when Joel smiles, and just melts my heart. The moments when someone else is holding him, but he turns and reaches out to me, demanding to be passed to me. The moments when he is tired, and snuggles sleepily into my neck. Sometimes I feel like my heart is just going to burst with how much I love this tiny person.

Life is so much better with my little Smush in it. He brings me so much joy! Even with all the challenges, I absolutely love being a mom. Life is great!

Why I am grateful to be breastfeeding

Today I am feeling incredibly grateful. Breastfeeding can be an awfully taboo subject, and I was feeling nervous about posting my thoughts. But the reasons that I am grateful have nothing to do with bragging or with flaunting my breasts (which I think is a bizarre attitude about breastfeeding, regardless).

Breastfeeding is really hard sometimes. It can be painful. It is hard to feel chained to the baby, with a 2-hour timer always counting down. It's tiring, especially at night, to be the only one who can feed him. I don't have many close friends who have breastfed their babies, so I have at times felt isolated, and I have had to figure out some things on my own. The hardest was figuring out how to breastfeed in public, especially when it got warm and Joel started refusing to eat under a cover. I've had to adjust, learn, and acclimate.

Still, with all the challenges, I have come to love and appreciate breastfeeding. So today I simply wanted to share, without any criticism of others, why breastfeeding makes me personally feel so blessed:

1. It's convenient.

I am so grateful that I do not have to deal with the hassle of bottles, formula, temperature, sterilizing, etc. While I recognize that they are necessary for many families, and I respect the women who make that choice for whatever reason, I am grateful that I don't have to mess with it. I carry my baby's food with me, at the perfect temperature, ready whenever he needs it. It's pretty amazing!

2. It's cheap.

I actually had no idea how much formula cost until a few weeks ago. I never looked into it, because I was always planning to nurse my baby. Formula is a racket! Holy cow! My only investments for breastfeeding were a couple of nursing bras, some nursing garment tops, nursing pads, and a nursing pillow--and even that was an indulgence. I am so grateful that we don't have to bear that particular financial burden.

3. It's good for Joel.

I know that formula has come a long way and I don't mean to criticize anyone who bottle-feeds. But there is no denying that breastmilk is very good for babies. I am grateful that I am physically able to breastfeed, because it helps me know that Joel is getting good nutrition. I am grateful that I don't have to worry about his weight or his health. I know that he is getting what he needs, and I definitely count that as a blessing.

4. I love spending that time with Joel.

I'll admit, as I stated before, that sometimes breastfeeding is a pain. But it's totally worth it. I love the bonding time I get to have with Joel. He's gotten into this adorable habit of pulling off periodically to smile at me, before hungrily latching back on for more. My most tender motherly feelings always come while Joel nurses. It is so sweet, so precious. I know that mothers who bottle-feed have wonderful bonding experiences just as much as I do. But I am grateful that breastfeeding opens up those opportunities for me and my son.


I don't think there needs to be shame in ANY way a mother feeds her child. Breastfeeding has its criticisms, as does bottle feeding. It's all nonsense. Mothers who love their babies, who do everything in their power to make sure their babies are fed, clean and happy, are all rockstars. Though my gratitude today was particularly focused on breastfeeding, mostly I'm just grateful and glad to be a mother. It's hard, it's exhausting, and it's totally awesome!