{James' point of view}
Let's be frank here: I'd never had a very serious relationship before in my life. Sure, there were a couple of girls that I took out on several dates, but nothing long-lasting or significant. There was a definite difference in the relationship I had with Valerie than I had had with any other woman in my life; there was such a strong and immediate connection once we had overcome our tentativeness towards each other. After our second date, it was apparent that our relationship was going somewhere. The real question to me was where?
As somewhat of an aside, there was an LDS regional conference the day after our second date, wherein Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke at length on the subject of being single. He used an analogy wherein there was this particular stargazing club, and members of said club had these special jackets. He compared being single in the church to this club by saying that people show up to these club meetings without jackets and wonder where and when they get them. All the other club members are talking about how wonderful their jackets are, how warm they keep them, and when they see that you don't have a jacket, they will ceaselessly tell you how amazing these jackets are, and that you should really get on finding a jacket. Sound familiar? Anyways, because Valerie and I had both watched this conference, we started jokingly referring to our future eternal companions as jackets, and not so jokingly saying that perhaps we had already found our jackets...
We got together again that Monday night, where she again cooked dinner for us. We had lots of pleasant conversation, and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. There was a point in the conversation, however, when we turned to the subject of being single. Valerie was going on about some negative part of being single, and I distinctly remember wondering if she didn't think that our relationship was going anywhere. It was with some trepidation that I asked her if she still considered herself single. She gives me this beautiful smile and said she did not consider herself as such. That was a very good night, indeed.
Valerie came over to my apartment Thursday evening of this same week. There came a point in the conversation where we started to talk about weddings because her half-sister was getting married that weekend. Now, I'm not saying we were talking about getting married quite yet, but there was definitely a bit of charge in the air as we discussed the subject. After dropping her off that night, I came back to my apartment in somewhat of a daze because I had realized that I may actually end up marrying this woman! I pondered the matter for some time, but even though Valerie and I had this incredibly strong connection so quickly, I was very resistant to the idea of getting married to her yet because I had always thought people that got engaged/married so quickly were absolute fools, and I didn't want to be one of those people. It was then that I determined that I must pray on the subject, and so turned to the Lord in prayer. The answer I received was so strong and so obvious as to be undeniable; I have only had two or three or spiritual manifestations that were stronger. The answer I received was yes, I should ask Valerie to marry me. It's not as though I minded this answer, to be honest. Now, keep in mind that I did not receive any counsel as to when I should propose, so I figured I needed to determine this information on my own. How did I sleep that night, I hear you ask? Very well, I assure you!
The following day, Valerie was up with her birth family in preparation for her sister's wedding, so I did not have the opportunity to see her that day. While I was watching a movie with my roommate Damian, however, I received a text from her. I don't recall the exact words, but she was definitely frustrated with how very stressful this event was turning out to be. I talked with her a bit on the subject, and she eventually said that she would not run her wedding this way at all. This next question took some courage to ask, but I ventured to query how she would run her wedding. She talked about how she would like a garden reception and such, but the part that stood out to me the most was at the very beginning of her text where she said something to the effect of, "Should we be so lucky as to get married, darling..." Most exciting to see her say, not going to lie!
The next evening, I threw her a text asking her how the wedding had gone, and she said she was chilling with her family, so we arranged to have her call me when she was on her way home. Now, if you know either of us very well, you know that Valerie hates talking on the phone, and I hate it even more than she does. Rather significant that we were so desperate to talk to each other that we would do so over the phone! We chatted for a good while, but I don't think anything of interest to our readers was communicated, other than the fact we confirmed our dinner date for the following day, when I was planning on cooking liver and onions for her. If only either of us had had any idea how very eventful that date would turn out to be!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Part 3: Sixteen Days
{Valerie's point of view}
I saw James again on Monday after our second date, and invited him over for dinner. It was that evening that he told me about some of the difficulty he'd experienced after our date on Saturday. I was deeply moved by his experience, and talking through it strengthened us both.
At one point later that evening, I was complaining about some facet or another of single life. James got really quiet for a moment, and I asked him what he was thinking. He looked at me and said, "You don't still think of yourself as single, do you?" And that's how I gained myself a boyfriend. :-)
We started to make plans for our third date, but had to work around the wedding of my half-sister Samantha, which was that Saturday. I was planning to spend Friday night and all of Saturday in West Valley for the wedding, which naturally led us to set up a date on Sunday. James determined to make liver & onions (mushrooms, as it turned out) for me, so I could see what it was really supposed to taste like. I was hopeful that it was going to be as good as he promised!
That week was very pleasant. James and I enjoyed spending time together. I remember that Wednesday in particular because it resulted in the first photograph of us as a couple--a pretty silly photo, all things considered! Ruth had not been doing very well at the time, so we, along with Kristen, decided to bake ninja cookies and take them to her. Of course, in the process, we got liberally covered in flour, some of it deliberate. :-)
On Friday I drove up to West Valley and immersed myself in my sister's wedding. (Forgive me, Sammie, if you ever read this!) Setting up for Samantha's wedding was an adventure, and not of the pleasant variety. This was mostly due to Sammie's in-laws-to-be, who were overly demanding, loud, and uncompromising. It didn't help that Samantha wasn't feeling well that night, and so had trouble making her desires known. It made for a very long evening, with lots of back-and-forth as we all tried to figure out what Samantha really wanted, and implement it.
The plus side of this nightmare was the conversation it sparked with James. When things reached a point where I felt like my brain was going to explode, I texted James. What started as me complaining about my sister's wedding soon turned into us talking about weddings. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely thrilled to be talking about weddings with James at that point. We talked about how we would both like a garden reception, and how we would never, ever have a reception in a church gymnasium. My hopes rose immensely that night. "If he's willing to talk with me about weddings," thought I, "He must imagine this going somewhere."
After the wedding on Saturday, several members of my extended birth-family went out to dinner. It was pleasant enough, but at one point, my pseudo-aunt Diana started probing me about my dating life, and Jenny (my birth father's wife) mentioned that I had a boyfriend. I insisted that it was still a very new thing. Diana asked me, "Could you see yourself marrying him?" And I, blushing of course, replied that yes, I could. She smiled and said, "That's all you need to know."
Driving home that night, I called James. It is a sign of how much we wanted to talk to each other, because both of us loathe talking on the phone. It wasn't as comfortable as talking in person, of course, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I was quickly coming to realize that I wanted to spend my life with James, and I had the feeling that my desire was reciprocated. I thought that night that maybe he would, eventually, ask me to marry him, maybe after a few months of courtship. I remember trying to suppress the thought, because I didn't want to get ahead of myself. But I hung up the phone with this strange hope forcing its way to the surface of my mind, that I could not entirely quash.
That was the last time that we spent a day without seeing each other. The next day, sixteen days after we started dating, was to become the most momentous day of my life up to that point. Not that I could have seen it coming!!
I saw James again on Monday after our second date, and invited him over for dinner. It was that evening that he told me about some of the difficulty he'd experienced after our date on Saturday. I was deeply moved by his experience, and talking through it strengthened us both.
At one point later that evening, I was complaining about some facet or another of single life. James got really quiet for a moment, and I asked him what he was thinking. He looked at me and said, "You don't still think of yourself as single, do you?" And that's how I gained myself a boyfriend. :-)
We started to make plans for our third date, but had to work around the wedding of my half-sister Samantha, which was that Saturday. I was planning to spend Friday night and all of Saturday in West Valley for the wedding, which naturally led us to set up a date on Sunday. James determined to make liver & onions (mushrooms, as it turned out) for me, so I could see what it was really supposed to taste like. I was hopeful that it was going to be as good as he promised!
That week was very pleasant. James and I enjoyed spending time together. I remember that Wednesday in particular because it resulted in the first photograph of us as a couple--a pretty silly photo, all things considered! Ruth had not been doing very well at the time, so we, along with Kristen, decided to bake ninja cookies and take them to her. Of course, in the process, we got liberally covered in flour, some of it deliberate. :-)
On Friday I drove up to West Valley and immersed myself in my sister's wedding. (Forgive me, Sammie, if you ever read this!) Setting up for Samantha's wedding was an adventure, and not of the pleasant variety. This was mostly due to Sammie's in-laws-to-be, who were overly demanding, loud, and uncompromising. It didn't help that Samantha wasn't feeling well that night, and so had trouble making her desires known. It made for a very long evening, with lots of back-and-forth as we all tried to figure out what Samantha really wanted, and implement it.
The plus side of this nightmare was the conversation it sparked with James. When things reached a point where I felt like my brain was going to explode, I texted James. What started as me complaining about my sister's wedding soon turned into us talking about weddings. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely thrilled to be talking about weddings with James at that point. We talked about how we would both like a garden reception, and how we would never, ever have a reception in a church gymnasium. My hopes rose immensely that night. "If he's willing to talk with me about weddings," thought I, "He must imagine this going somewhere."
After the wedding on Saturday, several members of my extended birth-family went out to dinner. It was pleasant enough, but at one point, my pseudo-aunt Diana started probing me about my dating life, and Jenny (my birth father's wife) mentioned that I had a boyfriend. I insisted that it was still a very new thing. Diana asked me, "Could you see yourself marrying him?" And I, blushing of course, replied that yes, I could. She smiled and said, "That's all you need to know."
Driving home that night, I called James. It is a sign of how much we wanted to talk to each other, because both of us loathe talking on the phone. It wasn't as comfortable as talking in person, of course, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I was quickly coming to realize that I wanted to spend my life with James, and I had the feeling that my desire was reciprocated. I thought that night that maybe he would, eventually, ask me to marry him, maybe after a few months of courtship. I remember trying to suppress the thought, because I didn't want to get ahead of myself. But I hung up the phone with this strange hope forcing its way to the surface of my mind, that I could not entirely quash.
That was the last time that we spent a day without seeing each other. The next day, sixteen days after we started dating, was to become the most momentous day of my life up to that point. Not that I could have seen it coming!!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Part 2: Addendum
{James' point of view}
For the sake of completion in our story, I must say that there was a part of our conversation during our second date that deeply disturbed me. We had both felt that, since our relationship was moving along so fast, we should share some of our pasts with each other, and part of what Valerie shared with me turned out to be very hard for me to deal with. At first, I thought to myself, "Oh well, we all have our pasts. Just look at what I told her!" But throughout that night and most of the next day, I literally could not stop dwelling on what we had talked about. It finally got to the point of near inner consumption, and I asked one of my best friends, Damian Parente, to give me a priesthood blessing. I didn't tell him what it was that was bothering me, but the blessing he gave me was so full of specific counsel that it was impossible to deny the Spirit's influence. The most striking counsel I received was that I would bear this trial for the sake of my future family, and the Spirit simultaneously told me that this trial was of my own making, not that of Valerie's or anyone else's.
Overall, the experience was extremely valuable to not only my growth, but the growth of my relationship with Valerie. I was ultimately able to move past my so-called trial and focus on what actually mattered; loving and caring for the love of my life, Valerie.
For the sake of completion in our story, I must say that there was a part of our conversation during our second date that deeply disturbed me. We had both felt that, since our relationship was moving along so fast, we should share some of our pasts with each other, and part of what Valerie shared with me turned out to be very hard for me to deal with. At first, I thought to myself, "Oh well, we all have our pasts. Just look at what I told her!" But throughout that night and most of the next day, I literally could not stop dwelling on what we had talked about. It finally got to the point of near inner consumption, and I asked one of my best friends, Damian Parente, to give me a priesthood blessing. I didn't tell him what it was that was bothering me, but the blessing he gave me was so full of specific counsel that it was impossible to deny the Spirit's influence. The most striking counsel I received was that I would bear this trial for the sake of my future family, and the Spirit simultaneously told me that this trial was of my own making, not that of Valerie's or anyone else's.
Overall, the experience was extremely valuable to not only my growth, but the growth of my relationship with Valerie. I was ultimately able to move past my so-called trial and focus on what actually mattered; loving and caring for the love of my life, Valerie.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Part 2: First - Second Dates
{Valerie's Point of View}
At long last, September 7th arrived. I will admit, dear reader, that I was exceedingly distracted at work that day (which was not good--I was teaching a 6-hour seminar the following day that I needed to prepare for!) thinking of my date with James that evening. When I got home, I eagerly primped and got ready, while keeping an eye out the window for James' arrival. Ten minutes before he was due, I saw what I thought was his car pull up. "Wow, he's really early," I thought, and then, "Crap! I'm not ready yet!" But then the car pulled away, so I thought perhaps I'd been mistaken. Precisely ten minutes later, the same car pulled up--and out stepped James. I laughingly realized that he, being who he is, must have come that early to make sure he found my place without mishap, and then drove around until the proper time. That's my James!
I answered the door and took in his appearance--a nice dress shirt, nice jeans, and his (what I realized later) characteristic black cowboy boots. I actually was a bit taken aback by the boots at first, as I had never imagined myself dating the cowboy-type, preferring the intellectual. Fortunately for me, I continued to give James the benefit of the doubt, and soon realized that he is both.
James introduced me to his car, JENNY. You should really hear him say JENNY sometime. Like this:
Speaking for our cars has been a running gag since that time. JENNY has at times been jealous, companionable, protective, smug, condescending, and affectionate toward me. Roxanne, my car, has been the more mild of the two, but she and JENNY have often been at odds, particularly as James and I grew closer, and I began to ride in JENNY more and more often. Poor, neglected Roxanne...
Our date began at Mimi's Cafe in Orem. It took several minutes for us to be seated, and so we sat in the lobby talking. That was probably the only time ever that I have felt awkward talking to James. I suddenly felt the first-date-pressure, like I suddenly had to be wittier and more impressive than usual. Also, politics started to come up--a subject we determined never to let rise between us, a determination we have more or less stuck to.
But once we were seated, things grew more comfortable. The conversation flowed like it had in our previous encounters, which was a relief. James introduced me to liver & onions, and I wasn't much impressed with Mimi's version. James said he would have to make it for me sometime--a promise he kept, thank goodness. At the table, I used pieces of straw wrapper to construct James' name. He tried to do the same for my name, and though his attempt wasn't as pretty as mine, I was still tempted to create an "and" to place between them.
One of the questions James asked me at Mimi's was my favorite food, to which I responded, "Ice cream!" I think he was previously aware of this, but perhaps not of my enthusiasm. So when he took me to Baskin Robbin's after dinner, I was particularly tickled!
We sat talking at Baskin Robbins for quite some time, and then we walked over to the field nearby. James and I concocted the story of that parcel of land, which turned out quite melancholy, as I recall. I wasn't paying the best attention, I'll admit, because at the time, I was trying to also concoct some excuse to stay together longer. I was in no way ready for our date to end, and his plans had clearly reached their conclusion. So when he finished the story, I (rather boldly) invited him to come over to my apartment. I was relieved at his acceptance, because his excitement at the idea was so apparent.
Back at my place, we sat on the couch talking. My roommates each passed through once or twice before settling in upstairs. And then came my next conundrum: how to break the touch barrier? I so wanted to, but it was quickly clear that James wasn't going to do the job, so it was up to me. (Yes, I am exactly this conniving.)
It started with his scars. You see, James has scars on his right hand and the right side of his face, from a fire when he was an infant. So I asked if I could examine the scars on his hand. So I did...at length...cradling his hand in mine...not quite examining after awhile, more...caressing...
I could tell at that point that these physical things were fairly new for James. I knew that he had dated, since coming home from his mission, but I didn't know how much, or how seriously. I figured, at that point, that this might be his first such encounter, or at least, among the first. That brought me a little uncertainty, because I did not want to take advantage of any innocence on James's part. At the same time, his enthusiasm was clear, and I sensed no hesitation from him. So I proceeded.
I don't remember what excuse I used for cuddling with him, but soon I was snuggled up in his arms, right where I wanted to be. I liked it. A lot. Our conversation continued, just as easily as before. It was a great evening, and I was sorry to let him go when the witching hour arrived. James was, in fact, the first person to wish me a happy birthday, when it turned to September 8th, and left me soon thereafter, with a well-wish for the seminar I was teaching (and he attending) in the morning.
The seminar went well, and I tried not to be too hyper-aware of James there. Afterward, much as I had been hoping, James asked me out to lunch. We met at Zupas in Orem, and he presented me with a birthday card. It was signed, "Love, James R. Holley" which I liked very much. :-) Lunch was pleasant, though a little strained by my exhaustion. I think it was also then that we set up our next date for the following Saturday.
I spent most of the day Sunday daydreaming about James, and by Monday had determined that I could not possibly bear waiting until Saturday to spend time alone with him. After classes that evening, I went home. As I started thinking about supper, I impromptu decided to invite him over. I was very anxious over his response, but to my joy, he responded affirmatively and arrived shortly thereafter. I enjoyed cooking for him, and though he did not stay very late, we had a lovely little evening together.
The week dragged by, until finally Saturday arrived. As we had previously determined, we went to the Bombay House, a little Indian restaurant in Provo. We were both much pleased by the lamb curry--the first and definitely not last time we ordered the same thing. (We have very similar tastes, and frequently eat identical meals.) After dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble for hot chocolate. On the way into the store, I randomly reached out and held his hand. His smile was radiant.
Following a long perusal of the bookstore and much conversation about books, we went to James's apartment, for my first time. It was a pretty typical college apartment. As we went into James's room, I remember thinking two things: first, that we were probably breaking the BYU Honor Code, and second, that it was convenient of him to have so few furnishings, since I have so many.
Our conversation flowed naturally. I held his hand some more. And then, so suddenly that I didn't know quite how it had come about, we kissed. I recognized immediately that James was not very experienced at kissing, and was worried that I wouldn't like it. But James is a very quick learner. I'm not saying we made out that night, because we didn't. We quickly returned to talking. But by the time James took me home that evening, I knew without a doubt that things were going somewhere.
At long last, September 7th arrived. I will admit, dear reader, that I was exceedingly distracted at work that day (which was not good--I was teaching a 6-hour seminar the following day that I needed to prepare for!) thinking of my date with James that evening. When I got home, I eagerly primped and got ready, while keeping an eye out the window for James' arrival. Ten minutes before he was due, I saw what I thought was his car pull up. "Wow, he's really early," I thought, and then, "Crap! I'm not ready yet!" But then the car pulled away, so I thought perhaps I'd been mistaken. Precisely ten minutes later, the same car pulled up--and out stepped James. I laughingly realized that he, being who he is, must have come that early to make sure he found my place without mishap, and then drove around until the proper time. That's my James!
I answered the door and took in his appearance--a nice dress shirt, nice jeans, and his (what I realized later) characteristic black cowboy boots. I actually was a bit taken aback by the boots at first, as I had never imagined myself dating the cowboy-type, preferring the intellectual. Fortunately for me, I continued to give James the benefit of the doubt, and soon realized that he is both.
James introduced me to his car, JENNY. You should really hear him say JENNY sometime. Like this:
Speaking for our cars has been a running gag since that time. JENNY has at times been jealous, companionable, protective, smug, condescending, and affectionate toward me. Roxanne, my car, has been the more mild of the two, but she and JENNY have often been at odds, particularly as James and I grew closer, and I began to ride in JENNY more and more often. Poor, neglected Roxanne...
Our date began at Mimi's Cafe in Orem. It took several minutes for us to be seated, and so we sat in the lobby talking. That was probably the only time ever that I have felt awkward talking to James. I suddenly felt the first-date-pressure, like I suddenly had to be wittier and more impressive than usual. Also, politics started to come up--a subject we determined never to let rise between us, a determination we have more or less stuck to.
But once we were seated, things grew more comfortable. The conversation flowed like it had in our previous encounters, which was a relief. James introduced me to liver & onions, and I wasn't much impressed with Mimi's version. James said he would have to make it for me sometime--a promise he kept, thank goodness. At the table, I used pieces of straw wrapper to construct James' name. He tried to do the same for my name, and though his attempt wasn't as pretty as mine, I was still tempted to create an "and" to place between them.
One of the questions James asked me at Mimi's was my favorite food, to which I responded, "Ice cream!" I think he was previously aware of this, but perhaps not of my enthusiasm. So when he took me to Baskin Robbin's after dinner, I was particularly tickled!
We sat talking at Baskin Robbins for quite some time, and then we walked over to the field nearby. James and I concocted the story of that parcel of land, which turned out quite melancholy, as I recall. I wasn't paying the best attention, I'll admit, because at the time, I was trying to also concoct some excuse to stay together longer. I was in no way ready for our date to end, and his plans had clearly reached their conclusion. So when he finished the story, I (rather boldly) invited him to come over to my apartment. I was relieved at his acceptance, because his excitement at the idea was so apparent.
Back at my place, we sat on the couch talking. My roommates each passed through once or twice before settling in upstairs. And then came my next conundrum: how to break the touch barrier? I so wanted to, but it was quickly clear that James wasn't going to do the job, so it was up to me. (Yes, I am exactly this conniving.)
It started with his scars. You see, James has scars on his right hand and the right side of his face, from a fire when he was an infant. So I asked if I could examine the scars on his hand. So I did...at length...cradling his hand in mine...not quite examining after awhile, more...caressing...
I could tell at that point that these physical things were fairly new for James. I knew that he had dated, since coming home from his mission, but I didn't know how much, or how seriously. I figured, at that point, that this might be his first such encounter, or at least, among the first. That brought me a little uncertainty, because I did not want to take advantage of any innocence on James's part. At the same time, his enthusiasm was clear, and I sensed no hesitation from him. So I proceeded.
I don't remember what excuse I used for cuddling with him, but soon I was snuggled up in his arms, right where I wanted to be. I liked it. A lot. Our conversation continued, just as easily as before. It was a great evening, and I was sorry to let him go when the witching hour arrived. James was, in fact, the first person to wish me a happy birthday, when it turned to September 8th, and left me soon thereafter, with a well-wish for the seminar I was teaching (and he attending) in the morning.
The seminar went well, and I tried not to be too hyper-aware of James there. Afterward, much as I had been hoping, James asked me out to lunch. We met at Zupas in Orem, and he presented me with a birthday card. It was signed, "Love, James R. Holley" which I liked very much. :-) Lunch was pleasant, though a little strained by my exhaustion. I think it was also then that we set up our next date for the following Saturday.
I spent most of the day Sunday daydreaming about James, and by Monday had determined that I could not possibly bear waiting until Saturday to spend time alone with him. After classes that evening, I went home. As I started thinking about supper, I impromptu decided to invite him over. I was very anxious over his response, but to my joy, he responded affirmatively and arrived shortly thereafter. I enjoyed cooking for him, and though he did not stay very late, we had a lovely little evening together.
The week dragged by, until finally Saturday arrived. As we had previously determined, we went to the Bombay House, a little Indian restaurant in Provo. We were both much pleased by the lamb curry--the first and definitely not last time we ordered the same thing. (We have very similar tastes, and frequently eat identical meals.) After dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble for hot chocolate. On the way into the store, I randomly reached out and held his hand. His smile was radiant.
Following a long perusal of the bookstore and much conversation about books, we went to James's apartment, for my first time. It was a pretty typical college apartment. As we went into James's room, I remember thinking two things: first, that we were probably breaking the BYU Honor Code, and second, that it was convenient of him to have so few furnishings, since I have so many.
Our conversation flowed naturally. I held his hand some more. And then, so suddenly that I didn't know quite how it had come about, we kissed. I recognized immediately that James was not very experienced at kissing, and was worried that I wouldn't like it. But James is a very quick learner. I'm not saying we made out that night, because we didn't. We quickly returned to talking. But by the time James took me home that evening, I knew without a doubt that things were going somewhere.
Part 2: First - Second Dates
{James' point of view}
Finally, September 7th arrived, and it was time for me to pick up Valerie. I found her place with relative ease, but because I was 15 minutes early, I parked around the corner for 10 minutes before actually knocking on her door. Yes, I am one of those people. Anyways, I knocked on the door, and out she came, looking as pretty as they come. As we drove to Mimi's Restaurant and waited there for a table, the conversation didn't flow quite as easily as it had before, but we soon fell into an excellent conversational comfort zone, and I found the time flying by. There were two events of note on our first date in my mind: The first was when we fashioned each other's names out of straw wrappings; and the second was when I was detailing to her my dislike for people in general. She then asked me if I disliked all people. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me, but I responded by resting my hand on hers for a moment and saying, "No, not all people." Much more bold than I usually am, but I don't think either of us would've complained.
After dinner, we went for ice cream at Baskin Robbins, and we talked in the parking lot as we ate. I really didn't want our date to end so soon, so I was trying to keep the conversation going as well as I could. After a while of this, Valerie suddenly asks me if I would like to go back to her place and chat for a while. Of course I said yes! As far as what we actually talked about there, I don't recall much, but I do distinctly remember her holding my hand on the pretense of examining the burns on it, and then me holding her in my arms after she unexpectedly threw herself into them whilst we sat on her couch. We sat like that for hours, just visiting and talking, and I also remember her telling me how very much she had wanted me to ask her out, and how she had even wished for such on a falling star! I was rather distressed when the time for us to part finally came, but part we did. I spent the rest of the weekend thinking about how the date had gone even better than I could have hoped, and I couldn't wait to see her again.
It turns out I saw her again the following day because she was teaching a seminar at our studio. I found it harder to focus on what she was teaching than I thought I would. Seeing as that was also her birthday, I took the opportunity to invite her to lunch at Zupa's, which she took me up on. We were both rather tired, and she had to go meet up with her parents, but I was still very glad for the chance I had to spend more time with her.
The following Monday after class, I had a practice and was thus unable to talk with Valerie at all. However, on my drive home, I noticed a text she had sent me asking me if I would like to come to her place for dinner. I eagerly responded yes, and drove over immediately. She turned out to be an excellent cook, and we had a lovely time talking as we had had before. Nothing more of import happened, but it was a remarkably pleasant way to spend the evening. We set up another date for that coming Saturday, and I spent the rest of the week in anticipation of that date. For the sake of honesty, every time I saw her that week at the studio, I looked for chances to talk with her.
Saturday came, and I picked her up and took her to Bombay House for dinner. Again, it seemed like one of the most natural things in the world to be there with her, talking and learning about her. For dessert and further conversation, I took her to Barnes and Noble after dinner. As we walked from the car towards the store, Valerie took me by the hand. The feeling of giddiness that came over me is indescribable! Barnes and Noble was unexpectedly lovely, partly for the fact I was holding Valerie's hand, and we went back to my apartment after Barnes and Noble to extend our time together. We spent a couple more hours together, and I learned so much more about her and felt more comfortable with her than I would have thought possible before our date. At some point during that evening, we had our first kiss, although I never could figure out how we got there. The feeling of holding her close as we enjoyed each other and talked was... Joyful. There is no other word or phrase that can describe how I felt that night with her in my arms. Taking her home was more difficult than it should have been, but I knew that this was the start of something remarkably special. If only I knew how special it would become in just over a week from then.
Finally, September 7th arrived, and it was time for me to pick up Valerie. I found her place with relative ease, but because I was 15 minutes early, I parked around the corner for 10 minutes before actually knocking on her door. Yes, I am one of those people. Anyways, I knocked on the door, and out she came, looking as pretty as they come. As we drove to Mimi's Restaurant and waited there for a table, the conversation didn't flow quite as easily as it had before, but we soon fell into an excellent conversational comfort zone, and I found the time flying by. There were two events of note on our first date in my mind: The first was when we fashioned each other's names out of straw wrappings; and the second was when I was detailing to her my dislike for people in general. She then asked me if I disliked all people. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me, but I responded by resting my hand on hers for a moment and saying, "No, not all people." Much more bold than I usually am, but I don't think either of us would've complained.
After dinner, we went for ice cream at Baskin Robbins, and we talked in the parking lot as we ate. I really didn't want our date to end so soon, so I was trying to keep the conversation going as well as I could. After a while of this, Valerie suddenly asks me if I would like to go back to her place and chat for a while. Of course I said yes! As far as what we actually talked about there, I don't recall much, but I do distinctly remember her holding my hand on the pretense of examining the burns on it, and then me holding her in my arms after she unexpectedly threw herself into them whilst we sat on her couch. We sat like that for hours, just visiting and talking, and I also remember her telling me how very much she had wanted me to ask her out, and how she had even wished for such on a falling star! I was rather distressed when the time for us to part finally came, but part we did. I spent the rest of the weekend thinking about how the date had gone even better than I could have hoped, and I couldn't wait to see her again.
It turns out I saw her again the following day because she was teaching a seminar at our studio. I found it harder to focus on what she was teaching than I thought I would. Seeing as that was also her birthday, I took the opportunity to invite her to lunch at Zupa's, which she took me up on. We were both rather tired, and she had to go meet up with her parents, but I was still very glad for the chance I had to spend more time with her.
The following Monday after class, I had a practice and was thus unable to talk with Valerie at all. However, on my drive home, I noticed a text she had sent me asking me if I would like to come to her place for dinner. I eagerly responded yes, and drove over immediately. She turned out to be an excellent cook, and we had a lovely time talking as we had had before. Nothing more of import happened, but it was a remarkably pleasant way to spend the evening. We set up another date for that coming Saturday, and I spent the rest of the week in anticipation of that date. For the sake of honesty, every time I saw her that week at the studio, I looked for chances to talk with her.
Saturday came, and I picked her up and took her to Bombay House for dinner. Again, it seemed like one of the most natural things in the world to be there with her, talking and learning about her. For dessert and further conversation, I took her to Barnes and Noble after dinner. As we walked from the car towards the store, Valerie took me by the hand. The feeling of giddiness that came over me is indescribable! Barnes and Noble was unexpectedly lovely, partly for the fact I was holding Valerie's hand, and we went back to my apartment after Barnes and Noble to extend our time together. We spent a couple more hours together, and I learned so much more about her and felt more comfortable with her than I would have thought possible before our date. At some point during that evening, we had our first kiss, although I never could figure out how we got there. The feeling of holding her close as we enjoyed each other and talked was... Joyful. There is no other word or phrase that can describe how I felt that night with her in my arms. Taking her home was more difficult than it should have been, but I knew that this was the start of something remarkably special. If only I knew how special it would become in just over a week from then.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Our Story, Part 1: Getting To Know Valerie
{James' point of view}
The first time I truly met Valerie was when I came back to Beyond Sports Taekwondo following the conclusion of my proselytizing mission to Missouri and Kansas. When I entered the studio a few days after my return home, the very first person I saw there, working the front desk, was Valerie Mechling. She was the one who helped me resume my membership with said studio, and I had a positive first impression of her.
After my mission, I was quite eager to jump back into the realm of dating, despite my lack of experience prior to my mission. As I was looking around, I mildly considered the possibility of asking Valerie out, but was unsure whether she was dating someone or not. At the Taekwondo staff and leadership Christmas party, I learned she was, indeed, dating someone else, and my mild interest waned nearly into non-existence.
As I continued to pursue my interests at the studio, Valerie and I had multiple interactions, both on and off the mat. I recall thinking how impressed I was with her abilities, both as a martial artist and as a teacher, but our first significant interaction was probably when we went on a leadership retreat at a winter cabin this past February. I quickly learned how to drive a snowmobile, and one of my very first passengers was Valerie. We had an excellent time riding and jumping through the snow, and even though my interest in Valerie was low at the time, I remember thinking how nice it felt when her arms were wrapped tight around me. We also had the chance to talk and get to know each other a little bit more on that occasion, and I particularly learned that one does not mess with Valerie when playing poker with her!
Valerie and I had further opportunities to build our friendship over the following months, but the most significant occurrence following the winter retreat was when we, along with Kristen Wheelhouse and Ruth Bartholomew, drove down to Cedar City together for the Summer Games tournament. That was an amazingly fun drive, and I remember thinking how glad I was that I had the chance to be in this particular vehicle. Unfortunately, I didn't do very well at the tournament, and I was extremely downcast, especially since most of the students from our studio had done very well in their respective divisions. When we went to a restaurant afterwards in celebration, Valerie pulled me aside for a moment and asked me how I was doing. At that immediate moment, I thought she was merely acting in the role of my instructor, and I told her I didn't really want to talk about it then. Afterwards, however, I thought about that encounter, and I wondered at how sincere she had sounded in her queries...
Shortly after Summer Games, there was an acquaintance of mine named Andrea that was getting baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though we weren't close, I decided to go to be supportive of her big decision. Because she had gone to the Taekwondo studio previously, several studio people showed up, including Valerie. We sat next to each other, and had an excellent conversation over the post-baptism luncheon. Valerie did have to leave a little early, however, because she needed to go to the mall and sell/sign her book, The Tale of Telsharu. I had just purchased said book, and due to both that and the fact I wanted to brighten up her least favorite of duties as an author, I told her I would bring my book to be signed, and did so after departing the church where the baptism had taken place. I recall how very happy she was to see me there, as well as the long hug she gave me in thanks. All I thought at the time, however, was that she must highly value me as a friend.
Several weeks after Andrea's baptism, Kristen hosted a little get-together, and invited me, Valerie, Ruth, and a couple of her other friends to said gathering. It was a very pleasant occasion, what with the good food and company, but by far the best part of the evening was when I found myself laying on the trampoline next to Valerie. We started into conversation, and when the rest of the group went inside the house to watch a movie, we declined the prompting to join them so we could continue talking. I remember thinking how comfortable I was when I talked with Valerie, how easy our conversation flowed. We ended up staying out on that trampoline for several hours doing nothing but talking with and about each other. It makes me wonder what the other members of the party thought we were doing! When we parted, I thought how wonderful it was to have such a good friend in Valerie. No, I'm not incredibly observant, in case you were wondering.
A week or two after the party, our studio had a black belt camp for prospective black belt testers, and due to my upcoming test for my 2nd Dan, I was a part of said camp. This camp was the turning point in the relationship between Valerie and myself due to the following event:
Most of the people at the camp engaged in games that night after the workouts and activities were finished, and I joined the blackjack and poker table that Valerie was hosting. I'd be lying if I didn't say I chose that table almost exclusively because she was there, and I'd be lying even more if I said there wasn't at least a little bit of rekindled interest in this woman I was coming to regard in a higher light almost every time I saw her. We had an excellent time playing games, and our table ended up staying awake throughout the entire night. We had moved on to some other game by about 5 in the morning, I don't recall what, and I was sitting next to Valerie by then. In case you don't know her, she doesn't operate too well without sleep, and she said something a little sharp. Half-jokingly, I told her that I should move to a seat away from her. At which point she put her hand on my knee, looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said, "I like you right here." It was at that moment that I realized two things: First, Valerie was definitely interested in me; and second, I was definitely interested in her. Now the question was, how would I approach her?
Now, if you know me, you know that I'm both a worrier and a planner, and as a result of these characteristics, I spent the next several weeks contemplating precisely how and when I would ask Valerie out on a date. I didn't really want to do it at the studio, but since that was the only place I ever saw her, I determined it must indeed be there. Finally, on the last monday in August, I had my chance, and I took it! My class had just finished, and I was sitting down preparing myself to head home. That's when I saw Valerie walking across the mat, and after a quick look around to make sure no one would overhear our talk, I called her over to ask her a question. I then asked, "How would you like to go out with me sometime, say to dinner?" (Yes, those are the precise words because I spent weeks formulating them!) She looked shocked for a moment, then excitedly said yes, she would love to go to dinner with me. We quickly set up a time for Friday a week and a half later because she was out of town that weekend, and I left the studio, both stunned and pleased with what had happened. I later received a text from her saying the she may not have expressed herself properly, but that I had made her very happy. I then responded, saying that I felt very much the same way. But since our date was so long away (Or so it seemed), what was to be done in the meantime?
The following monday was Labor day, and I was sitting at my computer doing nothing of importance, when I received a text from Valerie. We talked for a while, and then she invited me to a barbeque over at her friends', Whitnee and Michael Page's, house. I was incredibly excited, not only see her again, but also that she obviously liked me enough to issue the invitation! When I arrived at the house, I felt a little awkward at first because everyone else there consisted of married couples, but I soon felt at ease and was enjoying myself immensely. After the gathering concluded, I walked Valerie out to her car, we set up the details of our date that Friday, and we parted.
The next event of significance was our first official date, but that is a story for another time...
The first time I truly met Valerie was when I came back to Beyond Sports Taekwondo following the conclusion of my proselytizing mission to Missouri and Kansas. When I entered the studio a few days after my return home, the very first person I saw there, working the front desk, was Valerie Mechling. She was the one who helped me resume my membership with said studio, and I had a positive first impression of her.
After my mission, I was quite eager to jump back into the realm of dating, despite my lack of experience prior to my mission. As I was looking around, I mildly considered the possibility of asking Valerie out, but was unsure whether she was dating someone or not. At the Taekwondo staff and leadership Christmas party, I learned she was, indeed, dating someone else, and my mild interest waned nearly into non-existence.
As I continued to pursue my interests at the studio, Valerie and I had multiple interactions, both on and off the mat. I recall thinking how impressed I was with her abilities, both as a martial artist and as a teacher, but our first significant interaction was probably when we went on a leadership retreat at a winter cabin this past February. I quickly learned how to drive a snowmobile, and one of my very first passengers was Valerie. We had an excellent time riding and jumping through the snow, and even though my interest in Valerie was low at the time, I remember thinking how nice it felt when her arms were wrapped tight around me. We also had the chance to talk and get to know each other a little bit more on that occasion, and I particularly learned that one does not mess with Valerie when playing poker with her!
Valerie and I had further opportunities to build our friendship over the following months, but the most significant occurrence following the winter retreat was when we, along with Kristen Wheelhouse and Ruth Bartholomew, drove down to Cedar City together for the Summer Games tournament. That was an amazingly fun drive, and I remember thinking how glad I was that I had the chance to be in this particular vehicle. Unfortunately, I didn't do very well at the tournament, and I was extremely downcast, especially since most of the students from our studio had done very well in their respective divisions. When we went to a restaurant afterwards in celebration, Valerie pulled me aside for a moment and asked me how I was doing. At that immediate moment, I thought she was merely acting in the role of my instructor, and I told her I didn't really want to talk about it then. Afterwards, however, I thought about that encounter, and I wondered at how sincere she had sounded in her queries...
Shortly after Summer Games, there was an acquaintance of mine named Andrea that was getting baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though we weren't close, I decided to go to be supportive of her big decision. Because she had gone to the Taekwondo studio previously, several studio people showed up, including Valerie. We sat next to each other, and had an excellent conversation over the post-baptism luncheon. Valerie did have to leave a little early, however, because she needed to go to the mall and sell/sign her book, The Tale of Telsharu. I had just purchased said book, and due to both that and the fact I wanted to brighten up her least favorite of duties as an author, I told her I would bring my book to be signed, and did so after departing the church where the baptism had taken place. I recall how very happy she was to see me there, as well as the long hug she gave me in thanks. All I thought at the time, however, was that she must highly value me as a friend.
Several weeks after Andrea's baptism, Kristen hosted a little get-together, and invited me, Valerie, Ruth, and a couple of her other friends to said gathering. It was a very pleasant occasion, what with the good food and company, but by far the best part of the evening was when I found myself laying on the trampoline next to Valerie. We started into conversation, and when the rest of the group went inside the house to watch a movie, we declined the prompting to join them so we could continue talking. I remember thinking how comfortable I was when I talked with Valerie, how easy our conversation flowed. We ended up staying out on that trampoline for several hours doing nothing but talking with and about each other. It makes me wonder what the other members of the party thought we were doing! When we parted, I thought how wonderful it was to have such a good friend in Valerie. No, I'm not incredibly observant, in case you were wondering.
A week or two after the party, our studio had a black belt camp for prospective black belt testers, and due to my upcoming test for my 2nd Dan, I was a part of said camp. This camp was the turning point in the relationship between Valerie and myself due to the following event:
Most of the people at the camp engaged in games that night after the workouts and activities were finished, and I joined the blackjack and poker table that Valerie was hosting. I'd be lying if I didn't say I chose that table almost exclusively because she was there, and I'd be lying even more if I said there wasn't at least a little bit of rekindled interest in this woman I was coming to regard in a higher light almost every time I saw her. We had an excellent time playing games, and our table ended up staying awake throughout the entire night. We had moved on to some other game by about 5 in the morning, I don't recall what, and I was sitting next to Valerie by then. In case you don't know her, she doesn't operate too well without sleep, and she said something a little sharp. Half-jokingly, I told her that I should move to a seat away from her. At which point she put her hand on my knee, looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said, "I like you right here." It was at that moment that I realized two things: First, Valerie was definitely interested in me; and second, I was definitely interested in her. Now the question was, how would I approach her?
Now, if you know me, you know that I'm both a worrier and a planner, and as a result of these characteristics, I spent the next several weeks contemplating precisely how and when I would ask Valerie out on a date. I didn't really want to do it at the studio, but since that was the only place I ever saw her, I determined it must indeed be there. Finally, on the last monday in August, I had my chance, and I took it! My class had just finished, and I was sitting down preparing myself to head home. That's when I saw Valerie walking across the mat, and after a quick look around to make sure no one would overhear our talk, I called her over to ask her a question. I then asked, "How would you like to go out with me sometime, say to dinner?" (Yes, those are the precise words because I spent weeks formulating them!) She looked shocked for a moment, then excitedly said yes, she would love to go to dinner with me. We quickly set up a time for Friday a week and a half later because she was out of town that weekend, and I left the studio, both stunned and pleased with what had happened. I later received a text from her saying the she may not have expressed herself properly, but that I had made her very happy. I then responded, saying that I felt very much the same way. But since our date was so long away (Or so it seemed), what was to be done in the meantime?
The following monday was Labor day, and I was sitting at my computer doing nothing of importance, when I received a text from Valerie. We talked for a while, and then she invited me to a barbeque over at her friends', Whitnee and Michael Page's, house. I was incredibly excited, not only see her again, but also that she obviously liked me enough to issue the invitation! When I arrived at the house, I felt a little awkward at first because everyone else there consisted of married couples, but I soon felt at ease and was enjoying myself immensely. After the gathering concluded, I walked Valerie out to her car, we set up the details of our date that Friday, and we parted.
The next event of significance was our first official date, but that is a story for another time...
Our Story, Part 1: Getting to Know James
{Valerie's Point of View}
One of the most common questions we get asked when people first meet us is, "How did you two meet?" Our answer usually elicits surprise:
"We are both black belts at the same taekwondo studio, we met there."
Technically we met before his mission--I have one very distinct memory of him: a slightly awkward young man sitting in my office at the studio filling out some paperwork for tuition. Candidly, I would never have considered James a potential suitor at that time. But much changed in the two years of his mission. James got home at the end of October 2011, and stopped by the studio a few days later. When he walked in, I immediately recognized how much more confident and well-spoken he was. Though, admittedly, my interest in him did not come until later.
Several months passed where we both attended classes at the studio, interacting a few times a week without anything more than a passing respect that we share with all fellow black belts. I like looking back at some of the photos I have from that time (including my 3rd degree black belt test) and seeing James there. Strange how things change!
In February, James and I both attended a studio Leadership Retreat. This retreat is significant to our story for one major reason--it was the first time I remember thinking that James was rather attractive (not that I hadn't found him attractive before then...I just had always thought of him as a fellow black belt, and not really an eligible male). We had a few snowmobiles at the retreat, and only the adults were allowed to drive, which meant that James and I both ended up driving them quite a bit. I enjoyed driving, but I found myself enjoying riding with James even more--particularly snuggling up against his back. Not that I would have admitted it at the time!
Over the next few months, James and I started becoming friends. (Aided by mutual friends Ruth and Kristen.) The real turning point for me came in June, at the Utah Summer Games, a tournament down in Cedar City, Utah.
James, Ruth and Kristen rode in my car down to the Games. One of the best car rides of my life! The conversation flowed easily, we enjoyed similar tastes in music, and I don't think I'd ever laughed so much in my life. When we arrived in Cedar City, we continued to hang out--at the pool, in my room watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and playing Werewolf with the kids.
The tournament itself had its challenges. I was a judge/referee throughout the event, and my duties included judging James's traditional form. When the results were announced, I could see James's disappointment and frustration. I worried about him throughout the event, and even more so when I saw how withdrawn he was afterward. At one point, I tried to talk with him about it, but he (politely) rebuffed my attempt. I realized at that point that I really cared for him, although it was still (mostly) as a friend. ;)
The next major step came the first week of August. I'd slowly been growing closer to James, as friends, but I'd started having vague thoughts that maybe this could lead to something more. Kristen had a barbeque at her house that Saturday. I was working on finishing my novel that weekend, and so I waffled about whether or not I wanted to go to the party (I actually took my laptop with me, just in case). But I knew James had been planning to go, and I found myself almost absurdly interested in talking to him. I thought there would never be as good a time to try and get to know him better, on a more personal level.
I was richly rewarded. When I got to Kristen's, both James and Ruth were already there, along with several other friends. We ate, we talked, we played on the toy airplane in the backyard. It was very enjoyable.
As it got dark, the fire was lit. We roasted s'mores (with Andes mints!) and sat around the fire for awhile. Some other friends came as well, and for a while we just sat talking. At some point, I drifted over to the trampoline (I kept going back to it--I love trampolines!) and after jumping, I laid down on the tramp to look at the stars. James came over, and I invited him to join me. We started talking...and kept talking...and kept talking.... The others went in to watch a movie, and we told them we'd join them shortly. But we just kept talking! The movie ended and everyone else left while we were still there on the tramp talking.
One of the things that has always always always drawn me to James is how easy it is for me to talk to him. We talked about a huge range of things that night, and it was the most comfortable "getting-to-know-you" conversation I've ever had in my life. I felt even then that I could talk with James about anything...and that was very exciting.
I saw two shooting stars that night, once just after James and I started talking, and once more near the end of our conversation (which lasted until nearly 2am). On the first shooting star, I wished for something regarding my novel I was striving to complete. But on the second shooting star, I wished that James would ask me out. :-)
The weekend after that was our Black Belt Overnighter. James attended as a Black Belt Candidate (he'll be testing for his 2nd degree black belt in January) and I as an instructor. The first evening, after all our scheduled events were completed, everyone was set loose to do as they would. A small group, including James and I, decided to stay up all night long. We played quite a few games that night, and I was very aware of James throughout the activities. I was in active flirt mode at that point, though I was trying not to be too obvious about it. I guess at some point he picked up the hint!
It wasn't until Monday, August 27 that my efforts were rewarded. James caught me completely off guard. We were at the studio, getting ready to leave for the evening. I was walking across the mat, when he called out to me that he had a question. I walked over to where he was sitting, and out of the blue, he asked me if I would like to go out with him. I was stunned, and delighted. I responded affirmatively, and then we tried to settle on a time--urg! I was going to be out of town that weekend, because of Labor Day, and his weekdays were already busy with school. So we weren't going to be able to go out until the following Friday, which seemed like an eternity away to me. Still--a date with James! After I left, I was suddenly concerned that I had not shown my real excitement, being so wrapped up in the scheduling difficulties, so I sent him a text, telling him how happy he'd made me. He sent back: "I assure you, the feeling is mutual."
My Labor Day weekend was pleasant, but I'll be honest--I thought of James a LOT while on that camping trip. "Far too much for someone I haven't even gone out with yet," I thought to myself more than once. In fact, that weekend I dreamed that James proposed to me (at Black Belt Testing, how terrible would that have been?) for the first, but hardly last time. I was worried that I was growing obsessed, and that I would be all the more disappointed when (as I saw it) things didn't work out.
Still, I was hopeful, and absurdly eager to spend more time with him. When I got back in town that Monday, I tried to think of some pretense to talk with him, or more better, to see him. But I didn't want to seem too forward, or supplant our first date. Then I got a text from the Pages, inviting me to a barbeque at their house. "Perfect!" thought I, especially because James knew Whitnee, and had at least met Michael before. I asked if I could invite him, received the affirmative, and then struck up a text conversation with James. It was innocuous at first, asking after his weekend, bemoaning my own, until I finally was able to bring up the barbeque at Whitnee's, and invite him. I can't even tell you how anxious I was for his response! When he (finally) wrote back to ecstatically accept my invitation, I was overjoyed. Shortly, I arrived at the Pages'. My friend Jameson said, "Wait, I thought you were bringing at date, where is he?" I responded something like, "He's not my date, but yes, he's coming."
The barbeque was both awkward and enjoyable. James and I were the only non-married-couple present, so that was some of the awkwardness, along with the fact that James knew only me and Whitnee, really. But James settled in once we started playing games, and provided much of the evening's humor. After things concluded, we had a few moments to ourselves outside, which we mainly used to confirm--enthusiastically--our date for that coming Friday.
I couldn't wait!
One of the most common questions we get asked when people first meet us is, "How did you two meet?" Our answer usually elicits surprise:
"We are both black belts at the same taekwondo studio, we met there."
Technically we met before his mission--I have one very distinct memory of him: a slightly awkward young man sitting in my office at the studio filling out some paperwork for tuition. Candidly, I would never have considered James a potential suitor at that time. But much changed in the two years of his mission. James got home at the end of October 2011, and stopped by the studio a few days later. When he walked in, I immediately recognized how much more confident and well-spoken he was. Though, admittedly, my interest in him did not come until later.
Several months passed where we both attended classes at the studio, interacting a few times a week without anything more than a passing respect that we share with all fellow black belts. I like looking back at some of the photos I have from that time (including my 3rd degree black belt test) and seeing James there. Strange how things change!
In February, James and I both attended a studio Leadership Retreat. This retreat is significant to our story for one major reason--it was the first time I remember thinking that James was rather attractive (not that I hadn't found him attractive before then...I just had always thought of him as a fellow black belt, and not really an eligible male). We had a few snowmobiles at the retreat, and only the adults were allowed to drive, which meant that James and I both ended up driving them quite a bit. I enjoyed driving, but I found myself enjoying riding with James even more--particularly snuggling up against his back. Not that I would have admitted it at the time!
Over the next few months, James and I started becoming friends. (Aided by mutual friends Ruth and Kristen.) The real turning point for me came in June, at the Utah Summer Games, a tournament down in Cedar City, Utah.
James, Ruth and Kristen rode in my car down to the Games. One of the best car rides of my life! The conversation flowed easily, we enjoyed similar tastes in music, and I don't think I'd ever laughed so much in my life. When we arrived in Cedar City, we continued to hang out--at the pool, in my room watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and playing Werewolf with the kids.
The tournament itself had its challenges. I was a judge/referee throughout the event, and my duties included judging James's traditional form. When the results were announced, I could see James's disappointment and frustration. I worried about him throughout the event, and even more so when I saw how withdrawn he was afterward. At one point, I tried to talk with him about it, but he (politely) rebuffed my attempt. I realized at that point that I really cared for him, although it was still (mostly) as a friend. ;)
The next major step came the first week of August. I'd slowly been growing closer to James, as friends, but I'd started having vague thoughts that maybe this could lead to something more. Kristen had a barbeque at her house that Saturday. I was working on finishing my novel that weekend, and so I waffled about whether or not I wanted to go to the party (I actually took my laptop with me, just in case). But I knew James had been planning to go, and I found myself almost absurdly interested in talking to him. I thought there would never be as good a time to try and get to know him better, on a more personal level.
I was richly rewarded. When I got to Kristen's, both James and Ruth were already there, along with several other friends. We ate, we talked, we played on the toy airplane in the backyard. It was very enjoyable.
One of the things that has always always always drawn me to James is how easy it is for me to talk to him. We talked about a huge range of things that night, and it was the most comfortable "getting-to-know-you" conversation I've ever had in my life. I felt even then that I could talk with James about anything...and that was very exciting.
I saw two shooting stars that night, once just after James and I started talking, and once more near the end of our conversation (which lasted until nearly 2am). On the first shooting star, I wished for something regarding my novel I was striving to complete. But on the second shooting star, I wished that James would ask me out. :-)
The weekend after that was our Black Belt Overnighter. James attended as a Black Belt Candidate (he'll be testing for his 2nd degree black belt in January) and I as an instructor. The first evening, after all our scheduled events were completed, everyone was set loose to do as they would. A small group, including James and I, decided to stay up all night long. We played quite a few games that night, and I was very aware of James throughout the activities. I was in active flirt mode at that point, though I was trying not to be too obvious about it. I guess at some point he picked up the hint!
It wasn't until Monday, August 27 that my efforts were rewarded. James caught me completely off guard. We were at the studio, getting ready to leave for the evening. I was walking across the mat, when he called out to me that he had a question. I walked over to where he was sitting, and out of the blue, he asked me if I would like to go out with him. I was stunned, and delighted. I responded affirmatively, and then we tried to settle on a time--urg! I was going to be out of town that weekend, because of Labor Day, and his weekdays were already busy with school. So we weren't going to be able to go out until the following Friday, which seemed like an eternity away to me. Still--a date with James! After I left, I was suddenly concerned that I had not shown my real excitement, being so wrapped up in the scheduling difficulties, so I sent him a text, telling him how happy he'd made me. He sent back: "I assure you, the feeling is mutual."
My Labor Day weekend was pleasant, but I'll be honest--I thought of James a LOT while on that camping trip. "Far too much for someone I haven't even gone out with yet," I thought to myself more than once. In fact, that weekend I dreamed that James proposed to me (at Black Belt Testing, how terrible would that have been?) for the first, but hardly last time. I was worried that I was growing obsessed, and that I would be all the more disappointed when (as I saw it) things didn't work out.
Still, I was hopeful, and absurdly eager to spend more time with him. When I got back in town that Monday, I tried to think of some pretense to talk with him, or more better, to see him. But I didn't want to seem too forward, or supplant our first date. Then I got a text from the Pages, inviting me to a barbeque at their house. "Perfect!" thought I, especially because James knew Whitnee, and had at least met Michael before. I asked if I could invite him, received the affirmative, and then struck up a text conversation with James. It was innocuous at first, asking after his weekend, bemoaning my own, until I finally was able to bring up the barbeque at Whitnee's, and invite him. I can't even tell you how anxious I was for his response! When he (finally) wrote back to ecstatically accept my invitation, I was overjoyed. Shortly, I arrived at the Pages'. My friend Jameson said, "Wait, I thought you were bringing at date, where is he?" I responded something like, "He's not my date, but yes, he's coming."
The barbeque was both awkward and enjoyable. James and I were the only non-married-couple present, so that was some of the awkwardness, along with the fact that James knew only me and Whitnee, really. But James settled in once we started playing games, and provided much of the evening's humor. After things concluded, we had a few moments to ourselves outside, which we mainly used to confirm--enthusiastically--our date for that coming Friday.
I couldn't wait!
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