30

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday.

A year ago on my birthday, I remember thinking how weird it was going to be to turn 30. I seriously didn't feel old enough for that yet!

My birthday last year (super pregnant with baby X). This girl was not ready to turn 30.

It's here now, and I can't say that I'm struggling with the idea any more. The last year has been...candidly, it's been rough. Moving away from family and friends, dealing with postpartum depression, adjusting to life as a stay-at-home mom of TWO crazy, beautiful boys...it's been a roller coaster ride, for sure.

With this birthday, I wanted to reflect a little. Turning 30 feels like a huge milestone to me. I mean, it's a whole new decade! At the cusp of it, I'd say that my 30s definitely have some appeal. I've finally reached the point where I have to acknowledge that I'm a grown up. (Hahaha, yes it took this long.)

"...one year older and wiser too..."

The last decade has been pretty awesome, all things considered. The biggest highlights? Getting married! Pushing little humans out of my body. Earning my 4th degree black belt. Publishing two kick-butt fantasy novels. Refereeing at Nationals. Graduating college (with honors!) Serving as vice chair of Families Supporting Adoption. Stage managing Henry V on the Adams stage. So many good times with friends and loved ones. Working, playing, traveling, competing, writing, listening. All the memories!

My life has shifted, especially over the course of this past year. I am in mom-mode. Most of my day-to-day activities are centered around Joel and Xander, and the time I get to spend on my personal goals is so much more limited than it used to be. I don't regret that, though it's definitely hard sometimes.


Looking forward, I wonder what the next decade will hold. I am a dreamer of dreams. I want to earn my fifth degree, and open a studio with James. I have books to write! I would love to travel to another continent. I am determined to learn to speak Spanish. I want to get a Master's Degree (that may have to wait another decade, we'll just have to see!) And so much more.

Most importantly, though, I want to be a good mom. Motherhood is challenging, and not always the most rewarding occupation. It's hard not to lose myself in the daily grind of it all. But even after my hardest days, when they're finally in bed, I find myself looking at pictures and videos of their antics, smiling at their beautiful faces. Joel and Xander bring me so much joy. They are worth the heartache and the tears.

I think about their future all the time. I think about what I want their childhood to be. I dream about soccer games and camping trips, little black belts and musicians. I plan how I can make those things happen for them. I love teaching Joel, I love seeing the light bulb go on when he figures out something new. Those little experiences are the absolute highlight of my days right now.

So if my personal goals get delayed...c'est la vie. There is only so much time in the day, and mine is well-spent treasuring these little monsters.

I believe turning 30 is going to feel fabulous!