A New Era

No, I am not writing about a Church magazine.

I am writing about a major shift in my life--though to anybody else, it probably won't seem like a very big change.

Today is my last day working as the Program Director at Beyond Sports Taekwondo. Friends, don't be alarmed. I will still be teaching and attending at the studio. But I have handed over all my office duties, effective today.

It's been a decision long in coming, and not an easy one to make. I love the studio, and I hope they will continue to thrive without me in the office. However, there are hopefully to going to be other, really major changes in my life in the near-ish future, which I am planning and preparing for now.

The biggest concern right now is my writing. I have had very clear inspiration that I am supposed to write, and I intend to follow those directions. Dropping 10+ hours a week of work allows me the time I need to write my third book before the really major changes come along.

So, Taekwondo friends, this means I'm no longer your touchstone for all things studio-related. All friends, this means if I seem a little absent-minded occasionally, it's probably because I'm writing furiously in my head. I am hopeful that this will be a positive change. Regardless, I know that it's the right thing for me!

Handling Hard Times

Sometimes life is just hard. And I think it's important to acknowledge.

We live in a Facebook society--where we share the good news and the trivial bad, but rarely anything of real substance. Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook. I enjoying stalking my friends and family, almost to an absurd degree.

Yet I think this kind of social interaction often does us a disservice. On more than one occasion, I have started typing a new status update, only to second guess myself: "Is this too serious for Facebook?" And many times I have deleted the words before they ever made it into cyberspace. I have instead bottled up the whatever-it-was that was bothering me, or hurting me, or disturbing me, and put on a happy show for Facebook-land.

Most of the time, my life is precisely as it appears on cyberspace. But sometimes, there are other emotions. Sometimes I am stressed, or sad, or anxious, or angry, or discouraged. The kinds of emotions that are far less acceptable to post about on social networks. The emotions that are the most important to process.

I know that I am not alone. I'm not the only person who struggles, and I'm not the only person who bottles emotions inside, for fear of "TMI"-ing everybody. In our world of social networking, blogging, texting, and so forth, we are becoming emotionally handicapped.

But we don't have to pretend all the time. It's okay to talk. It's okay to feel. I'm not suggesting we blab our innermost feelings on Facebook. I am suggesting that when the time is right, we find a sympathetic ear, and let it out. Talk, vent, weep uncontrollably--whatever it takes to process the emotions that need to be expressed. Because life is hard. We deal with real challenges; different ones for each of us. If we spend our lives pretending, for the sake of our cyber-image, that our lives are happy and hunky-dory all the time, we will never actually be happy.

I am happy, most of the time. But when life throws me a curve ball, I want to be able to deal with it, overcome it, and move forward. I don't have to fixate on the hard times, but I don't have to ignore them, either. I own those hard times.

Music, Food, Books, Writing, and Thoughts

I've been wanting to write a blog for several days now, but I've been struggling with a lack of anything profound to say. So welcome to a rambling blog about a bunch of random (and mostly unimportant) things that have been on my mind.

1. Music

I have a complete obsession with The Piano Guys. I've been following them pretty much since they got started two years ago, and I was a huge fan of Jon Schmidt long before that. Their music inspires me. Their music unfailingly makes me happy. I really enjoyed their newest video, a cover of "Home" by Phillip Phillips--a song that I insisted go on our wedding playlist, even when James protested that it didn't really have anything to do with a wedding. But I won that one, mostly because we both like the song so much. And even though I don't prefer TPG's version over the original, I like it equally well for different reasons.


2. Food

I get bored with food easily. Eating the same things over and over again without alteration makes me crazy, and if I don't get something different, I feel utterly lackluster. The problem is that is often ends up with us eating out more often, because that satisfies my need for variety, however, it creates the problem of us eating out too much.

In an effort to resolve the issue, I've started seeking more creative meals to make at home. Nothing that I haven't made before, I just have to think about it a little more. Recent efforts have included homemade pizza, salmon & asparagus, and just last night, chicken salad on croissants. All have turned out well, satisfied my cravings, and made my husband happy. :)

3. Books

I recently read "Bitterblue" by Kristin Cashore, which is the sequel to a novel called "Graceling" that I read sometime last year.

I really enjoyed the first book, and while I found "Bitterblue" to be engaging, it was also really messed up. At the same time that I picked up "Bitterblue" from the library, I also got the prequel, "Fire." James asked me last night if I'll be starting to read it, and I replied that maybe I'll pick it up again another time, but after the psychological nastiness of "Bitterblue", I'm a little iffy about another book in this series. At least for the time being.

On the day before Mother's Day, James took me to Deseret Book. I picked up "Choosing Motherhood" at random, and could not put it down--even after taking it home!.

I am in love with this book. It's a selection of stories by women (mostly from Yale) who all had education and successful careers, but who each, through different circumstances and series of events, chose full-time motherhood instead.

I love the idea of choice. None of these women felt like they had to be stay-at-home moms. None of these women caved into pressure from family or church leaders (indeed, most of them felt the opposite sort of pressure from their coworkers and colleagues). Each of them sacrificed their own personal goals and ambitions for their children--and none of them regretted that choice.

I strongly identify with these women. Not because I have any difficulty with the idea of becoming a mother; on the contrary, it's something that I am anticipating with great excitement and eagerness. No, I identify with the choice. I desperately crave our children. But having them, staying at home with them, will mean the sacrifice of other things that I greatly enjoy and value. I have a full and rich life, I have talents with great scope, I have prospects and ambitions. I want to be an acclaimed author. I want to become an international referee in Taekwondo. I want to serve as an adoption advocate the way I have in the past. There are many other things which I hope to accomplish in my life. And the thing is, I know that if it is God's will, I will accomplish those things. But there is a time and a place. And when my children are in my home, my place is with them. My time is for them. I choose to give my life--my time, my talents, my education, everything the Lord has blessed me with--to those precious souls He entrusts to me.

My sister-in-law Shaylee blogged (raved might be a better word) about this book, "The Gift of Giving Life" and so, having sufficiently piqued my interest, I decided to pick up a copy. I'm still only about a third of the way through it, but I'm finding a lot of things that I really enjoy and appreciate about this volume.

There is great emphasis placed on natural childbirth, though I notice the authors are careful to caveat with the notion that any birth experience can be a spiritual one. It's been interesting for me, because I have always believed strongly in natural childbirth (though I will probably always deliver in a hospital. Both James and I are of the "just-in-case" mentality) and I really appreciate feeling like I'm not a totally backwards nut for not wanting drugs and interference when I give birth. I do have to say (don't take it personally, Shaylee!) that some of the ideas presented in "The Gift of Giving Life" are a little weird for me to digest (blessingways? I can't quite get my head around that one) but overall, I'm really enjoying the book, especially the spiritual and scriptural connections that I've been making.

4. Writing

I should actually call it Publishing, because I haven't really been doing a lot of writing lately, but I have been doing a lot of detail-follow-up nonsense with regards to the publication of my second book, The Scourge of Narak. I received the almost-final draft of the cover art a couple of days ago, and I'm really excited--I'm looking forward to sharing it soon! I've also been seeing drafts of the new maps, which is nearly as exciting as the cover art. There is just something special about seeing artwork somebody else has created based off ideas from my head.



I guess that's all for now. I will probably have some big-ish news next week, but in the meantime, live life to the fullest, and have a great day. :)

New Look for a New Season

As you'll notice, Our Holley House has a new look! I've been thinking about giving the blog a makeover for a few days, and the time has come. Goodbye, wedding cake background! Hello summer!

The change coincides not only with the warmer weather outside (thank goodness our landlord finally got our swamp cooler working!) but also with a shifting season within our house. Of course, James and I have decided that in some respects, we'll probably behave like newlyweds even when we're 80. But in reality, newlywed phase is slowly giving way to something more like married life.

Don't get me wrong, I still have ridiculously giddy moments with James. I still have times where it all feels totally surreal, and I cannot believe that I am married. And I remain absurdly, completely, overwhelmingly in love with my sweet husband.

But I don't have to hang on to the title of "newlywed" to be unreservedly in love. I am a wife. I am a partner. I am a lover. I am a companion. Soon I will also become a mother to his children. None of these will fade. Each of them, I am certain, will only become greater and better as time passes.

So, welcome summer. Welcome life. I am excited to enjoy each moment you have to offer us.

A Sensitive Topic: Birth Control

I read something last night that deeply bothered me. Truth be told, this one thing, in combination with a handful of other things, sent my emotions and my thoughts cartwheeling out of control for several hours last night. Fortunately, I have both a loving husband and a loving Heavenly Father, both of whom helped me overcome the confounding of my mind. Some of the insight I gained is much too personal to share. But this one thing, I feel compelled to address.

It was while reading the blog of someone close to me, someone whose writing and whose conversation I generally enjoy (if not always agree with). In one of her posts, while talking about the evils of the modern world that must be avoided, and which we must teach our children to abhor, she included birth control. She in fact listed it among the greatest evils of the world today, citing birth control as the devil's method of swaying men and women to disobey God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth.

I was stung. I was offended. I was angry. But once most of the negative emotions had passed by, the strongest emotion I was left feeling was pity.

Pity, you say? I don't quite get that one. Why would you feel pity for someone who thinks birth control is evil?

It comes down to the nature of sex. If one believed that sex was entirely for the purpose of procreation, I could understand viewing birth control as evil--or at least misguided. But sex, in its proper time and place, is so much more. 

According to the LDS Church Handbook 2: Administering the Church(2010), "Married couples should also understand that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a way of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife."

Someone who believes birth control is evil does not have a clear understanding of this principle. I'm not referring to any one form of birth control--I'm referring to any method that lets a couple take control of timing, with regards to the conception of their children.

Not all couples are intended to have large amounts of children. Not all couples are cut out to have large amounts of children! Quoting the Handbook again, "The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord."

One of my best friends, before she married, intended to have a dozen children or so. Five years later, she has two daughters, and she may not have any more. And that is right.

I really liked this quote: "The decision of how many children to have and when is between the couple and the Lord and should be done prayerfully.  The health of the mother can certainly be considered as well as her mental health."

With regards to my best friend, I really believe that her mental health would be at terrible risk if she had many more children. I'm not part of their family, so I can't say for sure. But I do know this: She and her husband are being guided by the Lord as to what is right for them, and their family.

Here's my question: if they receive revelation that they are to have no more children, does that mean their intimate relations are at an end? With no more babies coming to them, does that mean they should never have sex again? It's absurd to consider! The previous quote continues:

"Contrary to popular belief, we are not taught to have as many babies as humanly possible or to never use birth control... Furthermore, we should avoid judging those who have no children or put it off for a while as we have no idea what their struggles may be, and vice versa." (emphasis added)

The long and the short of it is this: Be careful before passing judgment, on people or on concepts. Do your research, and try to be empathetic toward others. Understand that everyone has different circumstances, and just because someone does not subscribe to your way of doing things, does not mean they are wrong, misguided, or evil.

Four Months!

Holy cow, we've been married four months today. 120 days! It's almost hard to believe. I just have to say, time is flowing waaaaaaaaaaay more quickly now than it ever did while we were engaged!!!

Some fun things that have happened recently:

-James had his first ever 4.0 semester! My genius husband!
-He ALSO got full-tuition scholarships for spring, fall and winter semesters. SO nice!
-We both competed at the Utah State Championships--our demonstration team took first place (woot!), James took first in weapons and poomsae, I took third in poomsae, and we took silver in PAIRS poomsae, the first time we've competed together as a team, which we had a blast with.
-We spent a weekend in Arches National Park, which was great! (Though very windy)
-We both judged at a tournament that our studio hosted, which went very well.
-My publisher has finally scheduled my second book for release! Tentatively it's set to come out June 29th. Soooooo exciting!

Married life is great. We really enjoy one another, spending time together--whether it's off having grand adventures in Arches or New York City, or whether it's chilling at home reading. We have our challenges and our struggles, but we handle them together. We are, quite literally, a team. And it's the best!