Pregnancy Overload

I've debated a lot about posting pregnancy-stuff. I have watched some of my friends as they have gone through their pregnancies posting constantly on Facebook about being pregnant. And frankly, I find that annoying. I want to ask, "Did the rest of your life cease to exist for nine months?" Of course, many of these are the same mothers who proceed to post incessantly about their baby/toddler/preschooler/etc. "Did the entire Facebook community really need to know about your potty-training mishap today?" I think not.

This said, I have to concur that pregnancy is very consuming. I think about pregnancy/childbirth-related things a lot. A great deal of my brainpower is consumed with the process of becoming a mother.

And so I seek a middle ground. On Facebook, I allow myself an occasional pregnancy post. Most of them are related to large baby announcements, like discovering his gender. Every once in a while, if something really wacky happens (like experiencing heartburn for the first time in my life) I allow myself to comment upon it. However, it is important to me to intersperse these posts with those concerning other things. Because my life did not in fact cease to exist the moment I found out I was pregnant.

So, dear reader, I hope you'll forgive me, because I'm about to inundate you with a blog post -- an enormous post about my life being pregnant.  I've been having a lot of thoughts that I've considered sharing, but have kept to myself (see above). I figure if I get them all out at once, perhaps they'll stop tickling the back of my brain!

Here goes.

Physical

Being pregnant is one of the weirdest experiences ever. On the one hand, it seems to go so slowly, that the changes are hardly noticeable at times. On the other hand, my body is literally changing every day, and then I have random moments where something is different and I can't figure out when that happened, except that I very suddenly have to adjust.

Dare I go into detail?

The first big thing was my breasts got bigger. Not that they needed it. I didn't actually notice the size difference at first--no, the first thing I noticed were some brand-new stretch marks. What the...? Fortunately they haven't grown again since the first couple of months. (Knock on wood.) But they also have been consistently, incredible tender, pretty much since week 6. These days, being cold makes them hurt even worse. With the winter chill, it has made for some fairly unpleasant moments.

My belly is growing, of course, but that part I actually kind of enjoy. It helps that I have a husband who makes a point to reassure me daily of his affection and attraction. :) I'm kind of in that questionable phase--James said the other day, "If I didn't already know, I would probably guess that you're pregnant, but I wouldn't say anything." I know it's a little weird, but I actually like looking pregnant, and I want to appear unquestionably so.

Morning sickness was definitely present. I kept banking on what everybody said about it going away after the first trimester, but I hit 15 weeks and it got worse. A lot worse. At that point, I caved and asked for some anti-nausea medication, which was a lifesaver. Fortunately the morning sickness (*biggest misnomer ever* by the way) has died down somewhat, but I still get random spikes of nausea. Like on Saturday, when I threw up my lunch with about 5 seconds of warning. (It was enough warning to dash to the nearest toilet, thank goodness.) My brother- and sister-in-law were here. It was awesome. :-/

I haven't had a ton of food cravings. My most consistent craving has been potatoes. It started about the time that we went on our cruise, and still strikes at random. Basically any form of potatoes, though depending on my mood: baked potatoes, french fries, funeral potatoes, potato chips, mashed potatoes, etc. I also desire chocolate on a regular basis, but that may or may not be pregnancy related...

Of course I've had the run of aches and pains. Days of headaches. A pain in my lower back that strikes only once I lay down for the night...every night. Round ligament stretching pain. Oh, and a very scary Thanksgiving night of contractions brought on by dehydration. Not the most awesome way to spend the holiday, I can tell you!

Right now I'm struggling with balance. You know, I teach and practice martial arts, so this is kind of a big deal at work. I hadn't really had any issues at the studio until last week. I was practicing my forms and could not stop falling over. Slow motion kicks the next day? What a joke! I don't know if my balance will be coming back or not. I hope so.

The aforementioned heartburn has only occurred twice so far, for which I am grateful. The funny thing was, I didn't actually know what it was (having never experienced heartburn before). After describing it to my husband, James identified it, and recommended getting some Tums. Hours later, I succumbed. Heartburn is so uncomfortable! Thankfully, the Tums did the trick. If it became a consistent issue, I might consider other options, but we're going with it for now.

Also? I sleep so much. I resisted at first, because it seemed pretty unnatural (and lazy) to spend 10 hours in bed at a time. But if I make myself get up earlier, I seriously struggle all day long. So I finally decided, "Hey, you know what? This pregnancy will probably be the only one where I'll actually be able to sleep this much. I'm taking advantage of it!"

The very best moments of my day are when Baby J kicks. If you ever catch me with a random, sappy little grin on my face, that's probably what's happening. Even more awesome are when James feels the kicks too. I think James likes to feel the baby kick mainly because it's an assurance that Baby J is well. For me, it's that, but it's also like a little voice is quietly saying, "Hi Mama! I love you!"


Emotional

I've been pretty fortunate, I think, on the emotional front. You hear the craziest stories about pregnant women! I've had a couple of weird moments, which mostly consist of periods of uncontrollable weeping. Like, right after we got Shadow, and he peed in the house. I totally lost it. In these moments, I'm mostly grateful for having an amazing husband, who just goes with it, holds me, and loves me despite my crazy hormones.

No nesting instincts quite yet. It was funny, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who is also pregnant, about 6 weeks behind me. She was saying how she wasn't going to be one of "those people" who starts decorating the nursery the moment she finds out she's pregnant. No, she's going to be sensible, and wait until she's at least 5 months pregnant. Then she'll start. I had to laugh, and told her so--because I'm 5 months pregnant right now, and I don't think we'll start decorating our nursery until February!

I'll admit to you that I'm really sensitive to babies and pregnant ladies right now. Like, when watching movies or reading books. I was reading yesterday about a woman who experienced multiple miscarriages, and right after I finished I went down to the office to sit with James (read: get an enormous hug from James because I was so emotional). His response? "Why do you read stories like that while you're pregnant??" Valid question. 


Spiritual

I am in such a good place spiritually. I feel the immensity of the task before me -- being a mother! bringing a child of God into this crazy, horrifying world! -- and yet, I feel no fear. I guess in this sense I differentiate worry from fear. I worry about our children. I worry about providing for them. I worry about the things they will have to face in this life. But I am confident in my knowledge that together, as a family united with God, we will be able to handle whatever comes.

I am simply so excited to become a mother. I know to some of you, 27 doesn't seem like very old to become a parent. But I have been waiting for years for this time. Understand, most of my close friends married fairly young, and began having their families soon afterward. I was one of the last of my close friends to marry, and one of the last to start having children. I have watched their babies grow, with a deep longing in my heart. The longing is different now that I am pregnant, particularly because it is only a few months (interminable though they may seem) until I will hold my baby in my arms.

I feel a great deal of peace. I feel God's love for myself and my little family. I feel His blessings being poured upon us right now. I know, of course, that trials will strike, probably when least expected. But at this time, I am grateful to be enjoying this period of tranquility.


Other

James and I are in the midst of some significant decision-making: we are considering changing care providers for my delivery. I will probably post more about that once we actually make some decisions.

Can I just say that I find it bizarre how much women like to give advice to other women about pregnancy? I really hope I don't become one of these people. Even the women who preface their advice with, "I know you'll get a lot of pregnancy advice, but..." First of all, we have a little helpful tool called the internet. When bizarre prego things happen, that is my first resource. Secondly, if I really have a concern, I will turn to my midwife! For some strange reason, though, women seemingly can't help but share their experience, despite the fact that every pregnancy is different, even different pregnancies for the same individual. But I'm learning that all you can do is graciously thank people for their advice, because you will never, ever, stop receiving it.

It's also kind of odd to me how many people I know who are pregnant right now. It's seriously nuts. I could certainly list over a dozen just off the top of my head. Maybe two dozen. At first I got a little grumpy every time someone else I knew announced they were expecting. James gently rebuked me for this: "Are you the only one allowed to be pregnant right now?" I'll admit it was a selfish thing: I like being the center of attention sometimes, and I wanted the focus to be on ME! :-P Fortunately I've gotten over that batch of pique, so I can experience genuine happiness for my friends and family who share their news.

***

Whew. There it is. All my current thoughts on pregnancy. If you actually read all of that, I think you probably have too much time on your hands! But it is relieving to me to spill it all out here. So, look forward to non-pregnancy related posts in the future, and thanks for stopping by!