I can't tell you how many times lately that, upon expressing joy and happiness with regards to my marriage, I get told something like, "Oh, just wait." For instance, upon telling someone that James does all the dishes at our house, I received this response: "You're still in newlywed phase, that will change."
My question is, does newlywed phase have to end?
I understand that parts of this bliss may change, may fade or die down somewhat. Especially when the children come, life and relationships do change. I get it.
But I like feeling dewy-eyed. I like experiencing all my husband's quirks. I like spending this much time with him. I like marriage.
Furthermore, I don't see why things like James doing the dishes should have to change. We have a great deal worked out. He does the dishes, and I keep the rest of the house clean. I hate hate hate doing dishes. The fact that James does them makes me very happy. He knows it makes me happy, and has told me, on multiple occasions, that he's content with our arrangement. Is it some fact of life that men become less considerate, less helpful, less loving, six or so months after getting married? Or is it simply that these particular men were less considerate to begin with, and put on a show during a period in which they felt they had to be most impressive, and upon feeling secure in their marriage, revert to their old ways? Well, if that's the case, I'm feeling pretty safe with regards to my dishes getting done, and I'd appreciate it if everybody would quit raining on my parade.
I could go on, but I think I'll cut things short before I get entirely out of hand. Basically, my thought is this: Marriage is not perfect. But it can be pretty darn great, if both partners are willing to work at it, and keep the other person's happiness before their own. That's been working pretty well for us so far, and I see no reason to put an expiration date on this state of bliss. Thank you very much.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
V-day
Pretty much, Valentine's Day is seven million times better once you're married. Here's why:
First: Expectations.
About a week before, James and I were grocery shopping, and we walked past the massive Valentine's Day section, with all the candy and crap. Our conversation went something like this:
Valerie: "I would really like some flowers on Valentine's Day."
James: "Okay."
Valerie: "And I'm thinking that I'll get you some chocolate."
James: "Sounds great."
Sure, there wasn't the mystery. (Although, I did sneak in a few surprises, regardless.) But one of the issues I've had with Valentine's Day in the past, on the few occasions I actually had somebody to celebrate with, was that of unmet expectations. I didn't get what I was hoping for, or we didn't do what one of us thought we would that day, that kind of thing. Not this year! James and I decided to celebrate on Friday, since our schedule was super crazy the day of. And it all turned out very well indeed.
Second: Actually having a Valentine.
This is fairly self-explanatory, but still bears mentioning. Spending Valentine's Day alone sucks. I'm sorry, it just does. I've been there, many a Valentine's Day. We single folk try to make the best of it--sometimes by mocking it, sometimes by ignoring it, sometimes by banding together--but the hard, cold truth is that Valentine's Day is, at it's core, a couple's holiday. Therefore, this year, Valentine's Day was awesome.
Third, true love.
Marriage itself is amazing for this reason--I love James with all my heart, and I know that he feels the same toward me. I don't have any doubt about his affection, his eagerness to spend time with me, or his hopes for the future. There was no awkwardness associated with this Valentine's Day, no uncertainty or bumbling. James and I love each other, and this holiday simply gave us an excuse to express it in more grandiose fashion than usual.
How did we celebrate, you ask?
Thursday, as I mentioned, was a super busy day. James had school and taekwondo as usual, but in addition to my day's work, I also presented at Life, the Universe & Everything, a writer's conference held in Provo this weekend. Of course, taekwondo kept us at the studio late into the evening, as is customary on Thursdays. So, Valentine's Day itself was pretty quiet--we gave each other our chocolates and flowers and left it mostly at that.
Friday was our true celebration. We started with dinner at Goodwood BBQ, which was delightful. During dinner, James admitted to me that he'd eaten most of the See's chocolates I'd given to him. He then asked if I'd been hoping to share with him, which I admitted was true. So he offered to buy me some chocolates of my own, which ended with us at See's after dinner picking out a small assortment for me. Our evening was spent at our stake's Valentine's dance, which was surprisingly fun! It had been billed as a "14 and up" dance, which made us think we'd be the only adults who actually showed up. But as it turned out, the dance was mostly adults! There was a live band, and they were pretty good. James and I had a lovely time pretending to dance, just like almost everybody there. Then we went home and watched Skyfall while eating chocolates. =)
In summation: Married life rocks!
First: Expectations.
About a week before, James and I were grocery shopping, and we walked past the massive Valentine's Day section, with all the candy and crap. Our conversation went something like this:
Valerie: "I would really like some flowers on Valentine's Day."
James: "Okay."
Valerie: "And I'm thinking that I'll get you some chocolate."
James: "Sounds great."
Sure, there wasn't the mystery. (Although, I did sneak in a few surprises, regardless.) But one of the issues I've had with Valentine's Day in the past, on the few occasions I actually had somebody to celebrate with, was that of unmet expectations. I didn't get what I was hoping for, or we didn't do what one of us thought we would that day, that kind of thing. Not this year! James and I decided to celebrate on Friday, since our schedule was super crazy the day of. And it all turned out very well indeed.
Second: Actually having a Valentine.
This is fairly self-explanatory, but still bears mentioning. Spending Valentine's Day alone sucks. I'm sorry, it just does. I've been there, many a Valentine's Day. We single folk try to make the best of it--sometimes by mocking it, sometimes by ignoring it, sometimes by banding together--but the hard, cold truth is that Valentine's Day is, at it's core, a couple's holiday. Therefore, this year, Valentine's Day was awesome.
Third, true love.
Marriage itself is amazing for this reason--I love James with all my heart, and I know that he feels the same toward me. I don't have any doubt about his affection, his eagerness to spend time with me, or his hopes for the future. There was no awkwardness associated with this Valentine's Day, no uncertainty or bumbling. James and I love each other, and this holiday simply gave us an excuse to express it in more grandiose fashion than usual.
How did we celebrate, you ask?
Thursday, as I mentioned, was a super busy day. James had school and taekwondo as usual, but in addition to my day's work, I also presented at Life, the Universe & Everything, a writer's conference held in Provo this weekend. Of course, taekwondo kept us at the studio late into the evening, as is customary on Thursdays. So, Valentine's Day itself was pretty quiet--we gave each other our chocolates and flowers and left it mostly at that.
Friday was our true celebration. We started with dinner at Goodwood BBQ, which was delightful. During dinner, James admitted to me that he'd eaten most of the See's chocolates I'd given to him. He then asked if I'd been hoping to share with him, which I admitted was true. So he offered to buy me some chocolates of my own, which ended with us at See's after dinner picking out a small assortment for me. Our evening was spent at our stake's Valentine's dance, which was surprisingly fun! It had been billed as a "14 and up" dance, which made us think we'd be the only adults who actually showed up. But as it turned out, the dance was mostly adults! There was a live band, and they were pretty good. James and I had a lovely time pretending to dance, just like almost everybody there. Then we went home and watched Skyfall while eating chocolates. =)
In summation: Married life rocks!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
One Month
Today, James and I are celebrating our one-month anniversary.
Okay, not really celebrating. We went to church, we're going to a Superbowl party at my birthdad's. But we both have commemorated the day. Even our bishop noted that it's been precisely a month, and he's a rather forgetful fellow.
One month of marriage. In some ways, it seems unbelievable that it's been so long already. In other ways (all positive), it seems as though it's been an eternity.
Some of the eventful things that have happened in the last month:
-Our wedding! =)
-Our mini-honeymoon in SLC
-James starting a new semester at BYU
-James' 2nd Degree Black Belt Testing (a huge event for both of us!)
-Our brother & sister-in-law's wedding reception (they got married 8 days before us, but had their reception a week after us)
-Booking our trip to NYC in April
-James' 23rd birthday
-James' surprise birthday party
-Me getting really sick (not fun!)
-James winning 2 of the Black Belt Testing awards (and thereby adding to our sword collection)
-Seeing Phantom of the Opera at BYU
-Going on a pizza-eating spree after Black Belt Testing (Pizza Pie Cafe on Monday, The Pizza Factory on Friday, pizza with the Estradas on Saturday while...)
-Learning to play Warhammer with the Estradas
Needless to say, it's been a very busy month! However, in the midst of the abundant craziness, we have truly been enjoying our marriage--getting to know one another better, spending time just the two of us. On New Year's, we made a poster full of our goals for 2013. One side is James goals, one side is Valerie goals, and in the middle, we have couple-goals. One of our goals this year is to go on a date every week. We made 52 hash marks so that we could keep track. We've got four of them marked off so far! Taking the time to continue our courtship is very important to us both.
It hasn't all been peachy. I feel like it's important to acknowledge that we've had some trials this month, including my illness, which was no bueno. I've struggled with some other things as well. But having James there has made these things easier to bear. He lends me his strength, and he bears me company through the midst of the hard times.
The very best part of marriage so far, in my opinion, is the fact that I am living with my best friend. It's seriously awesome. Yesterday, we got to really sleep in for the first time since our honeymoon. And even after we woke up, we just laid in bed for awhile talking. We talked about Phantom of the Opera, which we'd seen the night before. We talked about music, we talked about movies, we talked about Taekwondo. (One of my favorite parts of being married to my James is our mutual interest in Taekwondo. It's such a big part of my life; it's nice to be able to share that with my husband.) I love James' company, his companionship. We have so much fun, and I cherish the time we spend together.
One month down, an eternity to go. I'm looking forward to every moment. =)
Okay, not really celebrating. We went to church, we're going to a Superbowl party at my birthdad's. But we both have commemorated the day. Even our bishop noted that it's been precisely a month, and he's a rather forgetful fellow.
One month of marriage. In some ways, it seems unbelievable that it's been so long already. In other ways (all positive), it seems as though it's been an eternity.
Some of the eventful things that have happened in the last month:
-Our wedding! =)
-Our mini-honeymoon in SLC
-James starting a new semester at BYU
-James' 2nd Degree Black Belt Testing (a huge event for both of us!)
-Our brother & sister-in-law's wedding reception (they got married 8 days before us, but had their reception a week after us)
-Booking our trip to NYC in April
-James' 23rd birthday
-James' surprise birthday party
-Me getting really sick (not fun!)
-James winning 2 of the Black Belt Testing awards (and thereby adding to our sword collection)
-Seeing Phantom of the Opera at BYU
-Going on a pizza-eating spree after Black Belt Testing (Pizza Pie Cafe on Monday, The Pizza Factory on Friday, pizza with the Estradas on Saturday while...)
-Learning to play Warhammer with the Estradas
Needless to say, it's been a very busy month! However, in the midst of the abundant craziness, we have truly been enjoying our marriage--getting to know one another better, spending time just the two of us. On New Year's, we made a poster full of our goals for 2013. One side is James goals, one side is Valerie goals, and in the middle, we have couple-goals. One of our goals this year is to go on a date every week. We made 52 hash marks so that we could keep track. We've got four of them marked off so far! Taking the time to continue our courtship is very important to us both.
It hasn't all been peachy. I feel like it's important to acknowledge that we've had some trials this month, including my illness, which was no bueno. I've struggled with some other things as well. But having James there has made these things easier to bear. He lends me his strength, and he bears me company through the midst of the hard times.
The very best part of marriage so far, in my opinion, is the fact that I am living with my best friend. It's seriously awesome. Yesterday, we got to really sleep in for the first time since our honeymoon. And even after we woke up, we just laid in bed for awhile talking. We talked about Phantom of the Opera, which we'd seen the night before. We talked about music, we talked about movies, we talked about Taekwondo. (One of my favorite parts of being married to my James is our mutual interest in Taekwondo. It's such a big part of my life; it's nice to be able to share that with my husband.) I love James' company, his companionship. We have so much fun, and I cherish the time we spend together.
One month down, an eternity to go. I'm looking forward to every moment. =)
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